The Art of Falling in Love
by And.Your.Point
Summary: The human body is an amazing thing. If only I could look at it long enough to admire that... or at draw it at the least. Oh look, naked people. Naked people everywhere. Future-fic. Takes place four years after Hollywood Arts graduation.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this chapter or any chapters to come.**

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The human body is an amazing thing. I mean, think about it. You start with bones which are the foundation of the body. They all fit together at the right lengths and proportions. With those you have things like ligaments, your natural boundaries of motion. And after that, my personal favorite, you have muscles. Those things that give the body life and the feed the imagination. They're the highlights of the body. Exaggerating every curve and bend possible. And last but certainly not least the skin. It gives us something to look at. It's what covers all these things, like a stretched canvas. And my god, the art work is breathtaking on the right person. And it's not just appealing to the eye.

Senses. Another amazing thing about the body. Want me to explain how it's relevant to my thought process? Of course you do. The human body is not just appealing to the eye, but all five senses.

Like smell. The natural smell someone has, sometimes it's just irresistible. It's like you didn't know what real air was till then. It's refreshing.

Taste... well that's pretty self explanatory. In a nutshell, it'll satisfy your sweet tooth.

Touch. Also self explanatory. Sometimes sight just doesn't cut it.

Sound. It's so simple. Something as easy as a breath that hitches or a small gasp. Maybe even a voice. A word, a moan, a cry.

All these and much more make up the body. It's a beautiful thing. The most magnificent piece of art created. It's... perfect.

So why did I just ramble on about the body and its captivating features? Because I appreciate them. And that's the problem. I can appreciate the body all I want but if can't look at it then what's the use?

I am absolutely gonna fail this class.

One credit. That's all I need in figure drawing to graduate in a year. Well… the year after this one. Don't get me wrong, I tried taking this class as a freshman… and a sophomore, but I immediately dropped it after the first few classes both times.

Naked people. Naked people everywhere. In every other art class I've ever taken I've excelled and passed at the top of the class. But something about naked people just automatically turns me into a little girl who's split between running like she's just seen a spider, or giggling at the dirty things she seeing. Hell, I'm surprised I've even seen myself naked.

I took this class to be seen as a mature artist. Yeah, I can't even actually say penis_ or_ vagina without cringing, real mature.

Every teacher I come into contact with just tells me that my head is my problem. I have the wrong mindset about all of it. I think too much. I need to treat the body like a work of art and appreciate it. You remember everything I said earlier about the body right? Yeah, well my head isn't my problem. I appreciate the body plenty. I mean, I can fanaticize about it and be fine, but the moment I see it, my brain goes haywire. Which brings me to another very important question.

How the hell have I even had sex?

Easy, there were no sources of light whatsoever. But you can't sketch something if you can't see it. Every figure is different, you can't just have one default image for everybody. I mean I have to look at someone's… _everything. _

How the hell am I gonna pass this class if I have to see a naked person all day? I mean, I have to draw them, paint them, sketch them, color them… every freaking detail. This has to be a vivid picture of the model in front of you. I mean, I can draw a guy's torso like no other. His legs are no problem, I'm even fine with the upper thighs, but the minute my eyes have to focus on his… well… ya know, I flip out. I can't even draw his butt. Yeah, _that's _how bad it is. Same goes for women… well… except for the chest area, if you couldn't already guess, I have troubles with that as well.

I really wish there was a medication for this. I _need_ to pass this class but as you can see, that's not gonna happen if I keep freaking out like this.

Anyway, why I'm ranting about all this is because I'm currently in the said class. It starts in a minute and I just _had_ to go over all the reasons of why I'm gonna fail it again. The teachers, Mr. Grow and his wife Mrs. Grow, know me all too well. They tag team and neither one could get me draw the models. Needless to say they weren't at all surprised when they saw my name on the roster for this class again. I've been in a few other classes that they've taught over the years and they never fail to impress me with their wide tastes of art.

Speaking of Mr. and Mrs. Grow, I've got to say, they have to be my favorite art teachers ever. Not only are they just cute as a couple, but they really work well as a team. They depend on each other and I admire that. We generally have two nude models in the room so Mrs. Grow with teach the half of the class studying the girl and Mr. Grow will take the half studying the guy. In second semester we switch models and work on sketching the other model. It's a pretty big room and a pretty big class so we generally form a wide circle around each model. I really hope they start me with the girl. Then at least I'll know what to expect.

"Hey lady, I almost thought you wouldn't be attempting to take this class again. Glad to see you haven't given up" I hear Mrs. Grow say as she stands next to me. I'm seated in the first circle almost glaring at my canvas.

"Oh hey. Yeah, I thought I'd give it one more go. Maybe this time I won't start hyperventilating and save you a call to the nurse." I say cracking a half assed smile. She simply chuckles at that and pats my shoulder before walking into the center of the room.

There's a white circular platform in the middle of our circle for our model. It's just big enough for them to lay flat on, though I know they won't be doing that.

"Alright everyone, let's get started. For those of you who don't know, I'm Ashley Grow, and I'll be the one hosting this soft porno- I mean class." She says. Everyone laughs at her statement. "Now usually my husband is here to aid in this but he's running a bit late today, so until he gets here, feel free to talk amongst yourselves." She finishes. At that everyone returns to their conversations.

I glare back at my canvas, as if I was going to intimidate it into sketching the model for me. Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

"Do you mind if I put my stuff here?" I hear from next to me.

"No, not at all" I say not bothering to break my stare. A staring contest with a canvas, guess who's winning?

"You seem to be concentrating pretty hard there. Sometimes I do that till I see a picture just kind of pop out of my mind and onto the canvas. Then I draw it. Works pretty well for me, maybe it'll work for you too" I hear the girl say. Well that was random.

Damnit I blinked!

"Yeah thanks" I say glancing at her.

Red. Lots of red. That's what I see… er saw.

I double take at her and… I'd know that hair anywhere. Granted, I haven't seen it in four years, but I'd still know it anywhere. I wait for her to turn her head back to me and when she does, I see a recognizable face and judging by her expression, she does too.

"Cat?" I screech.

"Tori?" She squeals with a huge smile.

In an instant I stand up and she's squeezing the life out of me in a hug. Now that's the Cat I remember.

"Oh my god! It's been forever! How have you been?" She says pulling back to look at me.

"I've been great. What about you?" I can't believe Cat Valentine is standing in front of me right now.

After high school everybody just kind of branched out and did their own thing. I lost touch with Beck, Cat, and Robbie about three months after school ended. I lost touch with Jade the moment we met so after high school it was safe to say that we didn't exist to each other anymore. Andre and I however email each other about three times a year, just to keep in touch.

"I've been great too. God, it's so good to see you again!" She says bringing me into another bone crushing hug. I happily accept the fracturing of my diaphragm and hug her back.

"Yeah you too. I had no Idea you lived in New York"

"Yeah I just transferred here from USC for my sophomore year." She says letting go and bouncing slightly.

"That's awesome, I transferred from FSU my sophomore year too. How you liking SVA?"

"Oh I'm loving it. Everyone's so creative here. I feel so at home." She says.

You know this makes perfect sense. Honestly, where else could Cat end up? This place is crawling with creative people. People just like Cat and her hyperactive self. Even one of the professors here has electric blue hair. He claims that it inspires the students and boy does it. It inspires us to tell everyone we know that he's one of the best photography professors out there. No wonder Cat feels so at home.

It's also kind of interesting seeing her almost exactly the same from the last time I saw her. She still has her bright red hair and blinding smile. However I can tell that she's a lot calmer that she was. She seems to have mellowed out a bit since then. None the less, she's still Cat and I'm still happy to see her.

"So I thought you wanted to be a pop star, how'd you end up here?" She asks.

"Well… I had a few gigs at a few random places for about a year and it was great and all, but then I sang at this one art show in Boca… I was hooked for life. It was just so captivating, I could barely focus on the song. After that I decided to go to school for it and well, here I am." I say with a smile. She giggles and tilts her head a little, looking at me with a meaningful expression.

"I've really missed you" She says softly.

"I've missed you too. And the best part of all this is that we get to take this class together for whole year, or semester depending on what you're doing" I say. She grins and nods excitedly. "So, what are you majoring in?" I ask. She doesn't get to answer the question as Mr. Grow walks in.

"Alright everyone, settle down, I'm here." He says setting his things on his desk. "Sorry I'm late love" He says to his wife, pecking her on the lips. "Alright, models take your positions and everyone may start drawing whenever they're ready."

I swallow hard and see the guy model get up on the platform in the second circle. Thank god Cat and I get the girl.

"Right so what's your maj-" I cut myself off. Oh yes, a true Kanye interruption indeed.

My mouth hangs open as Cat pulls off her shirt, revealing no bra, and shimmies out of her jeans, revealing no panties.

What.

The.

Fuck.

She starts to walk towards the platform before turning back to me and saying,

"Figure Modeling"

…**... … ….. …. … ….. ….. …. … …**

**Hello there Lotus Blossoms. A.Y.P. here.**

**So, what do you think of the chapter? This idea came to me while watching "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2". Well that was a mouth full. Please, no "that's what she said" comments on that one. **

**Anyway, I like where this story seems to be headed and hopefully you will too. So tell me what you think and if I should continue. This will definitely be a multi chaptered fic.**

**Alright well, that's all for now I guess. Tell me what you thought.**

**A.Y.P.**


	2. Not That I Care

"Is she ok?" I hear someone say to Mrs. Grow.

I'd just like you to know that in the time it took Cat to get up on the platform and pose, I indeed broke out in a nervous sweat and started shaking. Not just because there's a naked girl in front of me, but because I _know_ this naked girl in front of me. I sang with her, spent time with her, was a very close friend to her, and now… I'm seeing her naked four years later when she's all grown up and… developed.

"Tori… are you ok?" I hear Mrs. Grow ask me.

"Um…" I whimper.

"Tori, it's ok. She's still the same person you were just talking to." She says trying to comfort me.

But of course her saying that just makes me realize more than before that this is little innocent Cat Valentine posing in a suggestive manor bare ass naked. Don't worry though, I only started to hyperventilate.

"Oh shit…" I hear her mutter under her breath. "Call the nurse!" She yells to her husband who simply sighs at the sight of me.

"Let me give it a go love" He says walking across the room to me.

By now I've drawn the attention of the entire class, including the models, and a few of the students who have been told my legend try to calm me down. Cat takes a step towards me and I instantly launch myself off the side of my chair. I curl up and continue my panic attack even as Mr. Grow picks me up under his arm and takes me into the hall.

"Jesus Vega, this isn't Two Girls, One Cup." He says setting me down. "Deep breaths, come on, deep breaths" He says. He breathes deeply with me while keeping me focused on his eyes till I calm down.

"You know" I say with a shaky voice. "Two Girls, One Cup doesn't sound so bad anymore." I say from my curled up position on the floor. He chuckles at my response.

"Look Vega, I know this is hard for you, but you just scared the shit out of our freshman class and both our models. You're phobia doesn't just effect you. Hell, even I almost screamed when they got undressed." He says. I laugh nervously at his response.

"So what do I do now?" I ask weakly.

"Now you get up, put your big girl panties on, walk back into that classroom, and draw that model like you own her."

I instantly get nauseous at the thought of that and very, very dizzy. Owning a naked person? What on earth would I even do with one of those? I mean, would just wait on me hand and foot all… naked? And I mean… Cat… owned… naked… that would be…interesting…

Not that I care.

"Ok I see that was not the right thing to say" He says face-palming. "I've been known my whole life for conquering every challenge that came my way, but you Vega, are in a league of your own." He says shaking his head.

I completely agree. It's only right that I don't hinder him anymore, so I should just drop this class. It's a tough choice, but no one said it would be easy. Alright so-

"Whatever you're telling yourself to talk you out of this class, stop it. My wife and I hate seeing you fail at something that should be so effortless for you."

"E-effortless? How on earth is seeing someone naked effortless?" Wow… stupid question Tori.

"Well… you just look…" He says with a confused expression.

"That's not what I meant. What I meant was, how do you get comfortable enough to look at someone naked?"

"Have you seen my wife?"

"Mr. Grow! That is one of my favorite teachers and my advisor you're talking about. Ew." I cut him off. He just laughs.

"Right, well, try not looking the model as a whole naked person. Try seeing them as just an arm or leg or whatever you want. I suggest starting with something that's naked day-to-day, like a hand. Start with one part and work from there" He says smiling smugly at what he just thought of.

"That's… brilliant." I say uncurling myself.

"I know" He says with a cocky smile. "Ready to go back in there and take this thing by the tit- I mean horns?" he says cracking a weak smile.

"Yeah, let's go" I say standing up.

Honestly, I love Mr. Grow. Regardless of how crude his language may be, that guy is a genius. Usually his wife won't let him get away with "dirty words" though. Personally I think it helps him connect with our generation. I mean they're not and old couple, they're just kind of distant from us in their mid thirties.

You know what else I love about Mr. Grow? That he calls me Vega. It didn't leave a great taste in my mouth after high school but now it's like that all has been replaced with just pure awesome.

"Do I need to carry you again?" Oh… right. Guess I should probably move.

After a slight push into the right direction, Mr. Grow and I re-enter the classroom. At first it's dead silent as all eyes are on us.

"Awkward…" Mr. Grow says shuffling away from me. Gee thanks, leave me to fight them all on my own.

I crack a small embarrassed smile before hearing a random kid start a slow clap. A few more students join in till it's an all out applause for me. Hey, this is big for me. I don't think I've ever walked back into this class after a panic attack in the same day. Mr. Grow takes a bow then points to me and I do the same.

"Alright alright, settle down, we're still in class" Mrs. Grow says before pointing to my seat.

I hesitantly walk back to my seat, keeping my eyes down, and take a deep breath. Ok Tori… focus on one thing. One thing that's always naked. Ok… ah, her foot.

I make a few light lines with my pencil to get the shape of her foot, then work my way up her leg. I want to make sure I have the outline of her before I start on any details. Alright… there's her knee… now her thigh… and now her-HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Yeah, that was my last thought before everything went black. I am such a pussy… so to speak.

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23 bottles of beer on the wall, 23 bottles of beer, you take one down and-how long have I been out? This song was already annoying, but singing it when you're unconscious is a new low. Wait am I even unconscious?

I clench me teeth.

Damnit! I've been singing that stupid song in my head for like two hours and I've been awake the entire time? What a waste of life… but I kind of want to see how the song ends…

"Tori?" I hear. I slowly open my eyes then blink a few times to focus on the face next to me.

"Cat?"

"You're awake." She says with a bigger smile than necessary.

"Yeah… I am. How long was I out?"

"For a few hours. You missed the rest of figure drawing." She says with a frown.

"Eh, they knew this was coming. I'm sure I'll be fine. It was my last class of the day anyway." I say sitting up. "Am I in the nurse's office?"

"Yeah, Mr. Grow took you here then I decided to come after class. It's my last class of the day too."

"Oh. Well thanks for staying with me, you didn't have to" I say standing up off the cot I was on.

"It's ok, I wanted to. I haven't seen you in forever so I might as well see you while you're asleep… wait that sounded creepy." She says furrowing her brows.

"It's ok Cat, I know what you meant" I say with a laugh. At least I think I do. She could just be that creepy.

"Well good." She says with another smile. Is that the only facial setting she has? Still?

"So I was wondering, do you want to go get some coffee and catch up?"

"Yeah, sure. Why not?" I say as the nurse walks in from… I didn't even know there was another room in here.

"Ah Ms. Vega, nice to see that you've rejoined the land of the living. I see you took Figure Arts again. Should I be expecting to see more of you?" The nurse asks.

"Heh heh… maybe two or three more visits" I say. She simply chuckles to herself and waves me out.

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"So… what exactly happened earlier?" Cat asks as the waitress brings us our coffee.

"It's nothing really…"

"Tori, if it was just the nervous breakdown, then I wouldn't be so worried. But after all of that you passed out onto your easel then proceeded to roll off of it and onto the floor taking two other students down with you. It's not nothing." She says with a knowing look.

"Fine, it's not nothing but it _is_ kind of embarrassing." I say trying to stop myself from blushing.

"Well you can tell me. You used to tell me embarrassing things all the time in high school." She reasons.

"Truth, but Cat this goes beyond my latest crush or last night's wet dream." I state. Why on earth did I ever tell her about those anyway?

"I don't see the difference, just tell me." She begs. I look over at her and… that was a big mistake.

Back in high school I would've said that I love how adorable Cat is with her innocent little mind and big brown eyes, but right now, she's using it against me like her life depends on it. Her eyes are begging me to spill everything let her in on this little problem I have. If you've ever looked directly into Cat's eyes, then you'd know that resistance is futile. Perfect.

"Fine." I sigh.

"Yay!" She says with a small bounce.

"Well… I have this problem and it has to do with nudity I guess"

"Nudity? Why? It's so freeing. Like there are no boundaries on my skin" She says hugging herself.

"It's not that I'm afraid of it, I think, it just makes me extremely uncomfortable. I've always been that way."

"Really? If it's that bad then why are you taking Figure Arts?"

"Would you take me as a serious artist if I told you that I couldn't look at someone naked without passing out or going into cardiac arrest?" I ask.

"Oh… I see your point. How many times have you attempted this exactly?" She asks arching an eyebrow.

"This would be the third. I should just drop it. I don't know what made me think that this year would be any different."

"No, don't quit! When have you ever given up on anything?" She whines.

"Cat, a lot's changed since high school. Not everything works out in the ending anymore. I'm not the undefeatable Tori Vega you knew. Now I'm Tori Vega, the girl who has normal problems that normal people have to deal with… and a phobia of nudity." I rush out the last part.

"Well… what if I could help you be the old Tori again?" She asks.

"I'm not really looking to be the old Tori. I grew up and found out that singing a song won't fix all my problems anymore. One day I realized that the word "can't" does in fact exist and I'm ok with that."

"I guess that makes sense. If you were the old Tori than I would have to be the old Cat and have a crush on you all over again." She says nonchalantly. After hearing that I choke on the coffee I just inhaled, earning a worried look from Cat.

"Are you ok?" She asks reaching over to pat me on the back. "Oh no is there a naked person outside?" She says scanning the surroundings outside. I shake my head and swallow hard.

"D-did you say crush?" I ask after catching my breath.

"Oh yeah, I had a huge crush on you growing up." She says with a shrug.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" I ask suddenly interested. I mean, she was always a little closer to me than anyone else in our group, but I figured she just like me more than anyone else. She was very touchy feely too. I guess now I know she really did like me more that everyone else.

"I don't know. Just never got around to it I guess." She says with a small smile and far off look in her eyes.

"Huh, what about me did you like?" I ask with a smile.

"I don't know, I just liked you. All of you. You were always so nice to me." She says refocusing on me. Her smile drops a bit. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" I ask.

"Like you like it." She smirks and mine drops. My face was totally not doing that. Like I like it? Believe me, I would know if my face was acting like I liked what she was telling me. I think…

"That's not what my face was doing." I defend.

"Was too." She shoots back.

Ok, fine, maybe I do like hearing that. It makes me feel all warm and tingly inside. I don't really know why but it does.

"Was not. Enjoying your coffee?" I change the subject.

"Yeah they put vanilla in it!" She says excitedly. And bam, just like old Cat again.

Hmm… maybe she has a little more of "Old Cat" than she thinks she does. And maybe, just maybe, old Cat is still holding on to that little crush she had on me.

Not that I care.

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**Hello my Lotus Blossoms.**

**So, another chapter up for you. I apologize for the slowness in getting started but I've got to build up the plot line right? One we get past the slow part then bing, bang, boom we have a fully functional story. Stick with me, the next chapter should get things going a bit more.**

**Also, I wanted to thank all of you who reviewed. This had a better turn out that I had expected and I have you all to thank for it. **

**Speaking of my lovely reviewers:**

**August Jade: Glad you gave this one a chance. I totally get not really being into rated M fics.**

**Sami Jo: Yay you're here! Now the party can officially start.**

**Elitemassacre6 and DraculinaMomoko: I am a fan of you both.**

**Crazier: You're becoming one of my favorites.**

**Alrighty then, that's all for now. Reviews = Love, so spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	3. Don't Give Up

15 bottles of beer on the wall, 15 bottles of beer, you take one down and pass it around-

"Hey Tori"

Damnit I was so close! Only fourteen more bottles!

"Hi Mrs. Grow." I say dully.

"Glad to see you're excited to be here" She says sarcastically.

"Sorry" I apologize. "I'm just running through any possible scenarios of sudden death that may happen to me today"

"Don't say that, you'll be fine. Just don't-"

"Don't think about it. I know. Everyone keeps telling me that but I don't think it works." I say cutting her off.

"Keep trying Tori." She sighs patting my shoulder.

This really sucks. Not only do I have to re-sing that entire stupid song, I also have to put up with another day of embarrassing myself. The last class was on Monday, you'd think that three days would clear my head but I feel like now it's more cluttered than ever. I have to draw Cat naked and… and… it just doesn't feel right. I don't think I would feel like this with any other model though. With most models I just go into a panic, but I go into cardiac arrest with Cat. Maybe it's because I respect her. I knew her personally and after spending time with her on Monday I can easily tell the kind of person she is. In a way she's still adorable and innocent little Cat. But she's also a grown and mature young woman. Even holding a conversation with her is a easier now.

She's been on my mind a lot lately. I kind of feel bad for not trying harder to keep in touch with her all these years. It would've been nice to see how she grew into who she is now. Granted I don't even really know her that well anymore, but I wish I did. I definitely want to get to know her again.

"Feeling more confident today?" I hear.

"I'd feel more comfortable jumping off of a cliff with sharp rocks at the bottom." I say turning to Cat.

"Don't think like that. I'd miss you too much if you jumped off a cliff. Just don't think about what you're doing." She says sitting on the stool next to me.

"You're the eighth person to tell me that today. The more I hear it the more I think about not thinking about it, which makes me think about it more than I thought about it to begin with." I say. Pretty sure I can see her brain short circuiting.

"Then think about something else"

"Like what?"

"Think about something you like" She says with a smile. Hmm, that's not a bad idea.

"What do I like?" I say thinking out loud.

"Well, you could always think about that crush I had on you in high school. You seemed to like that a lot on Monday." She says with a smirk. I instantly look away, trying to hide the blush that broke out on my face.

"Right…" I trail off.

"Alright everyone, take your seats. Models go ahead whenever you're ready and yes, we have a nurse standing by just in case." Mrs. Grow says. I shoot a glare her way and she winks at me. Jerk.

"You gonna be ok?" Cat asks unbuttoning her plaid shirt.

I swallow hard. "I think so. Just don't expect to stay conscious the whole time" I say cracking a weak smile.

"Tori," She says coming close to me. "You're gonna be fine. You got this." She says running a hand through my hair.

And now they will have to mop me off the floor with how much I just melted at that. That made me feel… really good. Relaxed. She gives me a small smile then turns around to continue undressing. Her shirt comes off her shoulders and I'm met with her bare back. That's not so scary. Then goes the jeans. That's a little more intimidating. I focus on her back and avoid anything below the waist as she gets up on the platform. She strikes her pose and everyone begins their sketch. Well, everyone but me.

I can feel it. My heart starting to ring in my ears, my forehead forming beads of sweat, goosebumps breaking out all over my skin, and that familiar dizziness and nausea starting to churn.

Focus Tori, pick something, anything you like and think about it. Uh… well I like Cat clothed. Yeah that's not helping… um… oh, I like what she did a minute ago. When she told me that I would be fine and that I had this. Then she ran her hand though my hair. That was comforting. Ok yeah, think about that. It's kind of like the feeling I get when it rains. Sometimes I'll turn my couch around back at my apartment to face my balcony, then I'll curl up with a blanket and hot coco and watch it all come down. I live on the second floor overlooking Central Park so as you could imagine, it's an amazing view. I love seeing lights reflect of the wet streets and just the overall sound of rain hitting pavement. I would boycott TV _and_ internet if it rained every day. It's just so… calming.

"Wow Tori, that's beautiful" I hear snapping me out of my thoughts.

Mrs. Grow is leaning over my shoulder along with my entire circle of students. Even Cat, as awkward as it is, is over here. I lean back too look at my creation and… to my disappointment, it's not a naked person. I literally sketched what I was thinking. I guess I just really got lost in my thoughts. Don't get me wrong, I think this is probably the most beautiful think I've ever drawn, but it's not gonna help me pass this class.

"Where is this?" Cat asks.

"My apartment. It's the view I get when it rains." I say feeling a little self conscious with everyone behind me drooling on what I did.

"Wow", "That's really good", "No wonder she got accepted here", I hear a few random students say.

"Excellent work Tori. It's almost like we're there with you. Only… we also need to be_ here_ with you too." She says patting my shoulder again.

"I know" I whine.

"Alright everyone back to your seats." She says. Needless to say the other circle on the other side of the room look incredibly confused over us.

Everyone makes it back to their seats and begins drawing Cat again. I picture my sketch in my head and then open my eyes to look at Cat. I flip the page on my sketch book then look back at her. I got this right?

Only, I notice that the more I look at Cat's naked form, the more my picture of comfort fades from my mind. It becomes more and more clear each time I blink that this is not my picture of comfort. So I try to stop blinking. Do you have any idea how hard that is? It's like sand paper in my eyes.

I blink only when I have to. Unfortunately, that's a lot. Hmm, well I've lasted fifteen minutes, that's a new personal best right? My breath hitches when it finally hits me of just what I'm looking at. It's a naked person. Right in front of me. Right there. Naked… Person…

"Mrs. Grow…" I hear a student next to me say quietly. Out of the corner of my eyes and can see a few students getting ready for my next freak out. Perfect.

Seriously, fuck my life.

….. ….. ….. ….. ….. … … ….. ….. … …. ….. ….. ….

This was supposed to be a good day. A good day where I thought about the rain and would manage to draw Cat naked.

Instead I'm sitting in the nurses office with an oxygen mask strapped to my face.

That's it, I'm dropping this class. I can't do it. The only thing I actually do is humiliate myself. I'm either going to have to switch my major, or just pray that I can get by as a serious artist with a phobia of nudity. Yes, I Tori Vega am admitting defeat. I'm done trying.

"Tori don't give up." I hear coming from the door. I rip off my mask quickly, though I know she already saw it, and turn my attention to the door.

"What other choice do I have?"

"You could always keep trying. Why do you want to give up?" She asks.

"It's not that I want to, I just have to." I say standing up and grabbing my things.

"Don't give up" She whines.

"Think of it as putting me out of my misery. I was just setting myself up to fail." I say walking out of the nurses office.

"But you don't have to fail."

"Cat you've seen what goes on with me during class, I have to fail. Why do care anyway?" I say as she follows me through the hall.

"Because you're my friend. I don't wanna see you fail."

I look over into her warm brown eyes, filled with concern, and smile a little. She makes me want to keep trying. I don't really know why, but I feel like I wanna go back on Monday and try again.

"That's really sweet, but how would Monday be any different from today? How would it not just be another day of me reenacting the murder scenes from The House of Wax?" I ask.

"Because…" She trails off and I can almost see the wheels turning in her head. "I'll help you!" She finishes with a blinding smile.

"And how exactly are you planning to do that?" I say as we make it into the parking lot.

"Strip tease, duh." She says.

That literally manages to stop my heart and cause me to see so many spots that I run my face right into the light pole next to my car. Ouch. I fall flat on my back, my hands clutching my forehead while I groan.

"Oh my god! Tori I'm so sorry, I was just kidding." She says kneeling down next to me.

"Cat you don't kid about these things! I think my face is broken"

"Can you actually break your face?" She asks, eyebrows knitting together.

"I… I don't know. I mean if you broke your nose that counts as your face right? So I guess you- hey wait!" I say glaring at her.

"Yeah, I'm not the only one who's easy to distract." She says with a smirk. I rub my forehead a few more times while I pout and Cat simply giggles.

"Jerk." I grumble.

"Aww I'm sorry. Want me to kiss it and make it better?" She asks with fake sympathy. Before I can give an asshole remark, she leans down and lightly presses her lips to my forehead. You know now that I think about it, I think I hurt my lips too. I mean… what?

"You're making that face again."

"What face?" I ask.

"The one where you like it." She says with another smirk.

"My face is not doing that!" I rush out.

"Uh huh. Look, why don't I give you my number and you can text me whenever you're free this weekend? Then we can hang out, you can meet my roommates, and I help you get over this problem."

"Yeah… let's." I sigh.

….. ….. … …. ….. ….. …. ….. ….. ….. … …

To be honest I'm a little nervous. It's Saturday and Cat is devoting her entire day to helping me get past this phobia thing. It's so stupid but she insists she can help me. Who am I to turn her down right?

I take a deep breath knock on her apartment door. What if she gave the wrong apartment number? What if there's a psychotic guy in this apartment that's looking for a young girl to skin so he can wear it to his next birthday party? What if it's the Craigslist killer? Wait didn't he get arrested? Forget him, what if it's a serial rapist looking for his next sex slave? What if it's-

"Hey Tori"

"RAPE!" I scream at the top of my lungs. Annnnnd I'm launched out of my thoughts and back down to earth, where Cat is looking at me like she actually just witnessed a rape.

I clear my throat. "So… you like movies?" I say cracking a smile.

"S-sure" She says with the same petrified look. After a minute of awkward silence and avoiding eye contact she steps back to let me in.

"Anyway… I'm glad you could make it." She says with a smile.

"Yeah, I didn't have anything planned. Not that if I had plans I would blow you off. Wait that sounded dirty... I meant that if I did have plans I wouldn't go to them… I would go to yours. Because you're awesome…" I trail off. I am an idiot.

"Tori, relax. There's no need to be nervous. I'm not going to rape you." She smirks.

"Good because I'm not really a kinky person." I immediately close my mouth, trying to bite off that sentence from leaving my mouth. To my surprise she laughs at my response and leads me into the living room. Nice one Vega. Why don't you just tell her about the rest of your sexual preferences while you're at it?

"Tori, this is my roommate, Rachel. Rachel this is a good friend of mine Tori" Cat says to a girl sitting on the couch. I've been promoted to good friend? Oh yes.

At first the girl looks me up and down, intimidating me, then breaks out in a huge smile. "Nice to meet you" She says before turning her attention back to the TV.

I hear a door open to my right and Cat's attention follows.

"And you already know my other roommate" Cat says with a giggle.

"Vega, long time no see." I hear the devil say. I turn my head praying that the voice is not who I think it is and… oh dear god.

My voice comes out weak.

"J-Jade?"

…**. ….. …. …. ….. …. ….. … ….. ….. …**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms. **

**So, another chapter up for you. I know this one's a tad slower but it's all building up to the next chapter, which I promise, will not disappoint. I don't have too much to say on this chapter, other than it was fun writing it. **

**Also, I just wanted everyone to know that I update once a week, although I may go a day over (like this week) I'd like to make it so I update every Tuesday because I want to update on a very special day. So expect the next update on Tuesday. **

**As for my lovely reviewers:**

**Crazier: Feel loved, your review made me squee. And I don't squee.**

**luz4mj1995: It's ok, I am also scarred for life over that too. And as far as your challenge goes, I was not able to do it. Why? Because "Scooby Doo Zombie Island" still gives me nightmares. Case and Point.**

**ChaseLehrman: Trust me, if Ariana Grande stripped down in front of us, we would ALL faint for a different reason…**

**Sami Jo: Well thanks for your review and I wanted to thank you especially for that last line, getting a Ke$ha song stuck in my head all day takes talent.**

**Alright loves, that's' all for this update. Reviews = Love. Spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	4. Oh Thank God

_**Previously**_

"_And you already know my other roommate" Cat says with a giggle. _

"_Vega, long time no see." I hear the devil say. I turn my head praying that the voice is not who I think it is and… oh dear god. _

_My voice comes out weak. _

"_J-Jade?"_

_**Present**_

"Well well, look who's all grown up" Jade says with a smirk.

And I'm back in high school again. She still looks and sounds as evil as she did back then. I mean, I wouldn't have expected her to convert to pink and grow a heart anyway, but she literally looks like _nothing_ has changed. And that smirk, that thing still haunts my dreams.

"Yeah… all grown up" I say, my voice wavering.

I imagine this moment being what it's like before a lion rips the face off of its prey. That's Jade for you. She smirks you into a corner and then intimidates the life right out of you. Oh god she's coming closer… I should yell rape again.

"So, what's the magical life of Tori Vega been like after you spilt from HA?" She asks with that same damn smirk.

"Good. Just… hangin out" I say. Is it obvious that I'm nervous?

Jade snorts out a laugh and rolls her eyes. "Right, well I'm heading out. Be back late." She says as she grabs her purse and leaves. I wonder what she carries in there. Probably souls.

The minute the door closes my eyes are trained on Cat. "Jade fucking West is your roommate?" I say through my teeth. Cat immediately wipes the smile of her face and nods. "Cat! You know what she was like to me in high school." I whine.

"Well you said it yourself, we've all changed a lot since then. Maybe Jade's different now."

"Cat, you saw that. She still wants to eat me."

"Yeah well it was worth a shot." She shrugs.

"Yeah a shot to the face." Rachel says getting off of the couch. I knew I liked her for a reason. "I'm off too, I have a date. You two kids have fun." She finishes heading out the door.

"Ok, let's get to it" Cat says leading me into the living room.

"Alright… what exactly are we gonna do?" I ask.

"Well, I'm going to get naked, and you're going to look at me"

"What? Cat no. You know I can't"

"Ok" She says pulling off her shirt.

"Cat I'm serious."

"I know" she says shimmying out of her jeans. DOES THIS CHILD EVER WEAR ANY SOME SORT OF UNDERWEAR?

My eyes immediately shut as a reflex. What, torturing me in from of an entire class isn't enough? Of course not. The universe just hates me. I mean, I like Cat, but she's basically just putting me through the same cycle I go through every Monday and Thursday. The only difference is that we're in a smaller area and it's just the two of us.

Usually this would be ideal right? You and someone who's, well… Cat, alone in a place that has a bed. She's willingly stripping right in front of me and wants me to ogle her body. Of course I would be crazy not to right? So it's official, I'm crazy.

"Tori, are you a virgin?" I hear Cat ask out of nowhere.

"W-what?" I sputter. This causes me to open my eyes and then immediately regret it and shut them again.

"I'm just wondering." She giggles.

"Would you please put something on so I can look at you?" I ask annoyed. I hear her giggle again along with her shuffling around for a moment. Then I feel the couch dip next to me… great.

"Ok, it's safe to look" She teases. My eyes open and I glare at her. She wrapped herself in a blanket and is now sitting right next to me. I know I can't actually see what's underneath, but just knowing how loosely that sheet is wrapped around her still makes me nervous.

"Right, well back to your question, I'm not." I say sighing.

"Really?" She says. She has this look on her face like even if God himself told her she wouldn't believe it.

"Yeah. This is shocking?" I ask.

"Well yeah. You can't look at someone naked yet you've… oh my god, tell me you didn't do it with clothes on" Cat says, her face stone walling.

"No, we didn't do it with our clothes on." I say rolling my eyes.

"Then how…?"

"It was just really,_ really_ dark. Like I had to turn my phone off to make sure it didn't light up the room if it rang."

"Did you enjoy it?" she asks concerned.

"Of course I did… after I got past the whole being naked with another person part."

"Hmm…"

"What are you thinking?" I ask. Then I literally see a light bulb pop up over her head. Should I be scared? Because I am.

"That's it! That's what we'll do" She says with a triumphant smile.

She. Wants. To. What?

"What are you talking about?" I ask nervously.

"It's so simple, I don't know why we didn't think of this before. You were comfortable having sex and- god this is so obvious!"

No it's not obvious! At this point the only thing that I'm thinking of is that she wants us to have sex so I'll be comfortable. All it makes me wanna do is curl up in a corner and cry about my life. I can't have sex with Cat. She's… Cat. And I'm not saying all this because I'm a homophobe or anything, because believe me I've considered girls, but something about this exact predicament scares the hell out of me. Like what I was getting at earlier, Cat is gorgeous, flawless even, but the thought of us… I can't… I just can't…

"Tori…? Tori calm down" Cat say breaking me out of my thoughts. Oh look, I'm sweating and shaking.

"I can't do it" I whisper.

"Do what?"

"Have sex with you"

"I… didn't realize you wanted to…" She trails off looking a little surprised. She's surprised? That's what she was just talking about right?

"I thought that's what you were getting at. I was comfortable when I had sex so…"

"Oh! No no, Tori that's not what I meant. I was referring to the idea that came from that." She smiles.

"Oh thank god" I say letting out a huge breath.

"Well gee thanks, didn't realize that sleeping with me would be so horrifying" She says dropping her smile.

"What? No, that's not why I said that. I was just nervous and I was all "oh thank god" because now I don't have to be. See? I'm sure having sex with you would be great. I mean if you're as good in bed as I think you are then I'm sure it'd be an experience to remember." I rush out. Nice. One. Vega. Now go home and jump off your balcony.

"You really do have an anxiety problem don't you?" Cat says taking in my last comment. I nod slowly. "Ok, let me go get dressed and we'll go out for coffee again and talk ok?" She asks.

"Yeah…" I answer.

How does she even put up with me?

… …. ….. ….. …. … ….. …. …. … ….. ….. ….

"Why are you so quiet?"

"Because I'm hopeless."

"Tori, you're not hopeless. You just need to relax. Look, I have this amazing idea that I _know_ will help you through this." Cat says before she takes a sip of her coffee.

We've been sitting here for, I kid you not, an hour and I've been completely silent. Cat will say something every once in a while and I'll just nod. I feel so stupid. I made a complete idiot of myself in front of Jade, then again the entire time I was with Cat. Honestly this is the dumbest thing to have a problem with. Ever. I'm an artist, I'm supposed to be inspired by these things.

"Cat, I've tried every trick in the book. From yoga to tranquilizers. It's not going to work."

"Yes it will. I know it will" She says intently.

"How?" I ask.

"Because it worked for me"

"You had a phobia of nudity?" I ask. She's a nude model so how…

"No, I just had a… problem. And I think the way I got through it can help you too." She says running her fingers over mine.

"What kind of problem?" I ask.

"A story for another time. For now this is about you and your problem." She says with a small smile. Cat had a problem? One that she doesn't wanna talk about? It must've been really bad.

"Alright, but I'll hold you to that story."

"I wouldn't expect any less. So, random change of subject, who _was_ special enough to be your first?" She asks.

"My first what… oh! Uh… this guy I met at my first gig after high school. We needed a drummer so he stepped in. We really hit it off and over the course of that year we started dating and about three months into it… yeah" I say. I really did like him. He was such a great guy.

"Really, punk rock drummer? Perhaps six foot three?" She says with a grin. I laugh at that.

"Haven't thought about that song in a loooong time. But he was more five foot nine." I say with another laugh. I have to say, that duet I did with Cat and Andre was probably my favorite out of them all.

"So what happened to him?" She asks.

"Well, I wanted to be an artist and so did he. Just not in the same sense. He created music and I created images. He was going one way in life and I was going another so… we decided to end it. He was really sweet about it." I say allowing myself to drift back to that moment.

"He really was a great guy. We loved each other so much… just not more than our passions. I saw him off at the airport, the last time we saw each other, when he was flying out to Europe for a tour. That's when we knew it was over for good. He didn't even bother to wipe the tears from his eyes when his kissed me before going to his gate. Most people would look at that as making it harder, but seeing that emotion actually made it easier. It was like the tears we were both crying was a way of telling each other "Thanks for what we had"."

"Wow… that's beautiful. What was his name?" Cat asks.

"James and yeah, he was the inspiration behind my entire freshmen year. Every brush stroke and line drawn was his." I finish. Cat just has this warm smile on her face. "So what about you? Who was the lucky guy?" I ask. Cat gets this bashful look on her face then giggles.

"What?" I ask.

"Ok, promise you won't laugh." She says.

"Why? When was it?" I ask smiling.

"High school" She says. My smile immediately shoots off my face.

"It wasn't Robbie was it?" I say monotone.

"Ew no"

"Oh thank god. So if not him, then who?" I say, my smile returning to my face.

"Beck"

"… You and Beck? Beck Beck? Beck Oliver? **Jade's** Beck?" I say with wide eyes. She nods.

"How? When? Does Jade know?" I ask at a mile a minute.

"I think you know how the "how" part works. But it was our Senior year. Remember when they were "Calling quits for good"?" She asks.

"Yeah, but then they got back together three months later"

"Three months is still a significant time gap Tori. But yes, Jade knows about it now. I told her a few months after we moved in together, when she and Beck really were done for good. It was about a year after graduation."

"And you're still alive?"

"Of course. First she laughed, then she realized I was serious. She was only mad that I hadn't told her when it happened. After that she just got over it and… here we are."

"Wow. That's insane. Anyone else since him?" I ask.

"Well I _may_ have had a girlfriend." She smirks.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah the year after high school. She was kind of like you only less pleasant. She was more focused on getting off than anything. I never really loved her. What about you?" She asks.

"For me it was just James. Easily put, we had a… _very_ healthy relationship." I say looking at my empty coffee cup.

"Ah, I see" She says mirroring my action.

"So back to you and Beck. Why?" I ask. What, I'm curious ok?

"I don't know… guess I just looked at you too long that day" She says innocently as she stands up and walks out of the café.

… Are you… what… OH MY GOD CAT WAIT!

… …. ….. ….. … …. …. ….. …. …. … ….. ….. …

**Hello everyone.**

**Ok, don't kill me, I know this was a total disappointment to what you were expecting. But without this we could not move on. I know you were expecting a little more Jade too, I promise, she's in the next one and all the awesome hoopla I was talking about will be in the next chapter. However if you're all taking numbers to kick me in the face, I wouldn't blame you.**

**So, now at least you get a see a bit more into Tori and Cat's past. So it's not all a bucket of unfulfilled promises. Wow that sounded depressing. Anyway…**

**You guys are awesome. I absolutely love hearing/reading everything you all have to say about all this. It keeps my motivation for this alive.**

**Speaking of you lovely review angels:**

**CrazyRedHairedChick333: Yay! I'm glad I made your day. Hearing that made mine.**

**Ash (): Part of the reason that this chapter is up on time is because I love kittens. Dang you…**

**Vampiree98: Well then be at ease my aquatic friend. Here is your update that will hopefully bate the line for the next one.**

**Alrighty then loves, that's all for this update. Remember, Reviews = Love, so spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	5. You're a Genius

"So what's this magical solution to my problem?"

"It's not magical, it's normal."

"Ok, what's this magically normal solution to my problem?"

"Would you stop?"

"Nope"

"Tori, it's not going to work unless you take it seriously." Cat scolds.

She really is determined to fix my problem. We've been sitting here for two hours while Cat stares at her ceiling thinking. I started doing it too after a while to see if it helped me think. I would've found out if it did if Cat hadn't flicked my throat. So anyway, after I stopped choking, she just went back to it. I'm not really sure why she's taking so long though. Maybe it really is that serious.

And if you're wondering if I brought up what she said back at the café, I didn't. Granted, I wanted to freak out and be all "Oh my god were you really _that_ into me?", but Cat has a way of brushing things off like it's just your average heart stopping sentence. Of course when I think about it, and I mean _really_ think about it, it's kind of… hot. It also makes me feel kind of bad though. Her first time was with a guy she didn't even like that way because of me. Which brings me back to, that's hot. She had sex, _because_ of her crush on me. The more I think about it, the more I wish she would've told me about it back then.

"What are you thinking about?" Cat asks breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Huh? Oh… nothing" I lie.

"Right, so nothing makes you make the face."

"What face?"

"You know, "The Face". The face where you like-"

"My face was not doing that!" I cut her off. She simply giggles at that. "Anyway, are you done thinking now?"

"Yupp, and I know exactly what to do." She answers.

"Ok then, what is it?" I ask.

"Close your eyes" She says.

"I thought I told you I wasn't a kinky person." I let slip. Damnit Tori!

"It's not kinky I promise" She says with a laugh.

"Fine." I say skeptically. I close my eyes and feel the couch shift when she gets off of it. I hear her shuffle around for a minute before coming to a still.

"Ok, give me your hands." She says. I hesitantly hold out my hands, then feel hers slip into them. So her idea is to adorable my problem away? She tugs on my hands, signaling me to get up and I do so.

"Ok, now relax and take a deep breath" She says calmly. I do what I'm told and give a whole hearted deep breath. Cat's hands guide mine closer to her until my hands are resting on her shoulders.

Her **bare** shoulders.

I immediately suck in a sharp breath and pull my hands away, only to have Cat catch them and put them pack on her shoulders.

"Tori, relax." She says trying to calm me down.

"R-relax?" I sputter. "Cat you're naked! You said we weren't gonna do anything like this" I whine.

"How do you know if I'm naked?" She asks.

"Well… I don't know… I just figure-"

"Right, you don't know do you? You can't see me so you have no idea if I'm actually naked or not right?" She asks cutting me off.

"…No. I have no idea if you are or not."

"Right… and you're not panicking." She says. I can almost hear her smile.

"No… I'm not. I'm… I'm fine." I say.

"Right, well Tori, just so you know, I _am_ naked." She says. I get a little stiff at hearing that… heh heh… oh nevermind. "Don't freak out. You can't see me remember?" She finishes. I nod.

"Here" She says taking my right hand. She trails my hand over her arm, all the down to her hand, then back up to her shoulder. "See? That's not so scary is it?" She asks.

"No… it's not." I say, a smile forming on my lips.

"Now you try" She says as she leads my other had to the same arm. I swallow hard.

With both my hands on her left arm, I start like she did. From her shoulder I drag my fingers down her arm to the tips of her fingers then back up to her shoulder. This really isn't that bad.

"Alright, now don't just touch, feel" I hear her say. I shut my eyes a bit tighter and furrow my brows as I try to take her advice. Feel… don't just touch.

I start tracing my fingers around her shoulder, taking note of her toned collarbone, and feel my way down her arm. I feel her muscles contract a little and relax as I make my way down her upper arm. I take some time around her elbow, making sure to get every dip possible. From there I feel my way down her forearm, feeling the slight tickle of the hair there on my fingertips. Then go from there to her wrist. I feel the bone in her wrist then I start on her hand. This takes the most time. My fingers run over every line and crease to be found. Between her fingers and over her nails. Her skin is so soft. I mean, it _looked_ soft to begin with, but feeling it is another story.

"How was that?" Cat asks softly.

"Well… not horrifying if that's what you're asking." I answer. I hear her laugh at that.

"Alright now sit down, but keep your eyes closed." She says. I do what I'm told and hear Cat shift around again.

Then I feel something slide into my lap. No, it's not Cat, it's… a sketch book maybe?

"Ok, don't look up, open your eyes and keep them on your lap" She says. I open my eyes and I was right, it's a sketch book with a pencil on it.

"Now draw everything you felt of my hand. Just my hand." I hear her say.

And I do. I don't really know what happened next. I didn't even need to think of where to start, I just started drawing everything I felt like she said. I line here, a dip there, a rougher patch right there, smooth skin all around here, this tones this way, that toned a little less… it's… beautiful. I even erased and redid a few things. Some things didn't look how they felt, so I fixed them. And now… this is exactly what I felt. It's perfect.

"Tori, you did it" Cat says quietly.

I move my sketch farther from my face and take it all in. It's a hand. That's all, just a hand. But it's flawless. It looks like if I went out to touch it, it would feel real. It would feel like I remembered.

Oh… my… god. I did it! I mean, it's not a tit or anything special but it's a body part and it's naked! I drew someone, while they were naked and… and…

"Cat you're a genius!" I say springing off the couch and-OH MY GOD BOOBS.

"Tori? Tori relax. Close your eyes or turn around or something!" Cat says frantically as I start hyperventilating. Then comes the sweating and nausea.

"Jesus Tori!" Cat yells as she scrambles to wrap herself in the blanket she had earlier. When it's on and secured she sits me down on the couch and desperately tries to calm me down.

"Ok Tori… breathe… in and out… relax… I'm not naked, well, sort of but not that you can see. Come on Tori, calm down" She says. She breathes with me slowly, till I manage to copy her and calm down.

"Good… are you ok now?" She asks rubbing my back.

"Yeah… sorry about that" I say with a weak smile.

"It's ok, we're working on it, remember?" She asks with a smile. Oh yeah… I did it!

"You are… incredible. I mean… you did it. You were right, it worked" I say with a huge smile.

"Told you it would" She giggles.

"Seriously" I say standing up and starting to pace. "Cat, you know how to fix me. I'm not gonna fail this class. I'm gonna pass and then people will take me as a serious artist." I say pacing faster. Cat stands up and steps in front of me, bringing me to a halt, though I'm still vibrating.

"Easy there, we still have a lot of work to do" She says.

"I know! Isn't it great? I'm going to ace this class. And all because of you! You're like… the angel of success." I say putting my hands on either side of her face for emphasis.

"You really think I'm that great?" Cat asks shyly.

"That great?" I say before smashing my lips against her and pulling back a moment later with a pop. "You're perfect! All this time no one's been able to figure out how to help me. Then you come in and bing, bang, boom, I'm Cured!" I say starting to pace again. "Now there's no more passing out during class, or people warning the next generation of my problems. This is the last time I have to take this class!" I say excitedly.

I was incredibly happy, till I saw the confused/shocked look on Cat's face.

"What?" I ask coming to a halt.

"Did… did you just kiss me?" She asks.

Kiss her? That's absurd. I would know if I kissed her. Sure I've thought about it a little, but believe me, I'm not so oblivious that I missed me kissing her.

…ohshitididkissher!

Tori, I know you've never been much of a liar, but now is the time to lie. Lie your ass off.

"Uh… yes?" Nice going you idiot.

Why…WHY? Why on earth… I got caught up in the moment! I wasn't thinking. I just… kissed her. Damnit I wasn't even paying attention! After all the thoughts I've had about something like that I didn't even pay attention when it happened. Nice.

"Hmm…" She trails off.

"What?" I ask quietly.

"I just always pictured it different." She says pursing her lips.

Different? Like how? Tell me Cat… tell me and I will fix it. Wait… she's been picturing this?

"Different?" I question.

"Yeah. Oh well." She shrugs. She would just drop it like it was nothing. "So, what were you saying?"

"Oh… uh… you cured me. I'll be able to pass now. And I now officially owe you the success of my future career." I say with a smile. Yeah, but I won't be forgetting about your comment on my kiss. Different, psh.

"Well I'm glad I could help." She giggles.

"Yeah… but I have a question." I say.

"Shoot"

"How exactly is this gonna help me in class? I can't just walk up to you and feel you up in the middle of class."

"I know. Remember the other day when you drew that scene of the rain at your apartment?" She asks. I nod. "You did that all from memory right?"

"Well yeah."

"And that's how you do it. We'll study together a day or so before the class, then all you have to do is remember what you felt and draw it." She says.

"How exactly did you think of all this?" I say trying to connect all the dots.

"Well, you said the only time you were comfortable with the naked body when you couldn't see it, and I figured with how amazing your memory is that you'd be able to "see" in a different way and remember enough to create a picture. Although we rely on sight for well, everything, touch is still a pretty extraordinary thing. It's just as good as sight and in some cases even better." She says.

Cat, you're a genius. I could kiss her again just from hearing that.

"I could kiss you again after hearing that." I voice my thought. SHITFUCK WHY!

"I'm… flattered?" She says furrowing her brows. I hate you Tori. So much. I hope you trip down the stairs on your way out.

"You kill my filter" I say face-palming.

"Filter?" She asks.

"Yeah, the filter between your mouth and brain. The one that's supposed to keep you from saying things like that" I say referring to my previous comment. She just giggles at me.

"Don't worry, it happens to the best of us." She says.

"So… what now?" I ask.

"Hug?" She says opening her arms with a huge smile. I laugh a little then wrap my arms around her.

But of course, I'm Tori Vega, and nothing is this sweet.

"Hey Cat I'm back…" Jade trails off as she opens the front door. "Sorry, didn't know I was interrupting." She says with a smirk. I hate my life.

Cat looks confused at first but then, like a bomb going off inside her head, she realizes just what Jade means. Cat's naked, well wrapped in a sheet, but still very naked and we're hugging each other like we just shared something special. And we did share something special… just not that special thing that Jade is thinking of.

"Oh, no we didn't… we're not… see you later Tori" She says before rushing off to her room. Gee thanks Cat, leave me to fight the princess of darkness alone. I look back at Jade to see her smirk just grow… smirkier…

"So… you and Cat. Didn't think you had it in you Vega. I guess a lot _has_ changed since high school." She says walking towards me slowly.

"No Jade, that didn't happen… we didn't…" I struggle to get out.

"Right, so there _wasn't_ any friction in the sheets?" She asks.

"Ew Jade" I don't think I've ever heard that one before… I should start saying that.

"I'm sorry, let me break that down a little more for you, so you _didn't_ shag her?" She says stopping in front of me.

"Would you stop it! And no. There wasn't any of that." I say crossing my arms.

"Huh… sorry, I couldn't tell. By the way you were holding her and the whole her being naked thing, I just figured you two boned." She says with a smirkier smirk that before. If that's possible.

"Jade!" I say covering my ears. That just sounds so wrong. Sure it'd probably be hot, but it still sounds wrong.

She lets out a loud laugh. "Yeah, you're right, there's no way you two slapped skin. You're still innocent little Tori from high school." She says as she turns and heads off to her room. Because Jade always wins, I just glare daggers through her head till her door shuts.

"Is the coast clear?" I hear Cat say from her room.

"Yeah, thanks for leaving me to fend for myself by the way." I say turning my glare to her.

"No problem. So where were we?"

"Hugging" I'd love to pick up from where we left off.

"Right, what was coming after that?" She asks. Damnit.

"Well, I should probably head home. It's late."

"Right because it's way past innocent little Tori's bedtime?" She teases.

"Exactly"

"Ok then, it was nice seeing you again. I'll talk to you Monday and well set another study date" She says walking me to her door.

"It was nice seeing you too and I look forward to it. And also… in all seriousness, thanks for everything today. I don't know what I would've done without you." I say.

"No problem. We probably avoided a heart attack or two. And as weird as this will sound, I'm kind of glad you had this problem. Otherwise I wouldn't have gotten to spend so much time with you." She says with a small smile. "Yes it's a terrible thing to say… but I'm glad naked people freak you out."

I smile back at her. After today… I think I'm glad too.

…**.. ….. ….. … ….. … ….. …. …. …. …**

**Hello hello my Lotus Blossoms.**

**Ok, this is gonna be a short authors note because I am so freaking tired. So let me sum it up:**

**Blah blah blah, charming comment, blah blah, aren't they cute, charming line.**

**ALSO VERY IMPORTANT: I love you guys. And speaking of…**

**ChaseLehrman: Thanks for sparing my face. As far as the rest goes… this is MADNESS.**

**Crazier: I actually almost didn't put that first line in for that exact reason. But I'm glad it entertained you.**

**Meaghan Gibson: Why thank you Ms. Gibson. I'm flattered. **

**Zinzu: More more more you shall have.**

**Thank you guys so much for everything you said. I wanted to shout out to a few more people but *whines* I am so tired.**

**I also did not do a final read through so I apologize for any mistakes, feel free to let me know of any.**

**I love you all and today is a special day loves. Leave loads of reviews and spread the love around, thick, and it'll count as my birthday present from you.**

**A.Y.P.**


	6. You Idiot

Two bottles of beer on the wall, two bottles of beer, you take one down-

"Hey Tor"

"FUCK MY LIFE!" I yell… oops. But in my defense, I really want to find out how the song ends.

"Geez Vega what has your panties in a twist?" Mr. Grow says walking over to Cat and I.

"Nothing… I just… stubbed my toe." I lie.

"Ah, then feel free to express yourself. That hurts like a bi-" He cuts himself off seeing the glare his wife is giving him. "B-it more than anything else…" He trails off before scurrying away. He is so whipped.

"You didn't really stub your toe did you?" Cat asks.

"No."

"Then why…?"

"It's a long story." And boy is it. 99 bottles long.

"Right, so, how do you feel? Ready to draw me "naked" today?" she asks.

"Actually yes." I say catching her gist. "Been thinking about it the past few days."

"You've been thinking about me naked the past few days?" She smirks. Wait what?

"What? No… I meant… like… your hands." I sputter. Cat giggles and continues to set her things down next to me.

Why? I want to get mad at myself for being an idiot but at the same time, I also wonder why she keeps teasing me. I obviously have a slight lag from my brain to my mouth but she keeps… playing with it. Like she enjoys seeing me squirm out of these awkward situations. Kind of like Jade… only Jade would prefer seeing me squirm out of a bear trap. Anyway, I just find it weird that Cat likes to mess with me. I mean, it's incredibly cute but in the same sense unsettling. It makes me… feel things. Like a thousand butterflies erupt in my stomach. Which if you think about it… that's really gross... but I mean it a different way.

"I know what you meant." She laughs. "Just remember to focus on what you felt and don't look up." She finishes.

"Will do" I say as Mrs. Grow announces that glass is starting.

Cat begins to undress and I immediately avert my eyes to my sketch book propped up on my easel. Out of the corner of my eye I see her clothes land next to her stuff next to me. Earlier Cat texted me a picture of the pose (clothed of course) that she's in for the class so I'd be able to draw her hands in the right place. It's a good thing too, otherwise I would've had to look up at her and have a seizure.

As I start drawing the outline of her hands a smile forms on my face. I love thinking about the other night. I love thinking about Cat at all really. It's nice to be with her. It feels like… home. Comfort. Kind of like how I feel when I watch the rain at my apartment. A sense of peace if you will. For this I'm excited for our next study session, I get to be around her.

And I like the way I feel when I'm with her.

…. ….. …. …. … ….. …. ….. ….. … …..

"Ok everyone… pencils down… that's all for today…" Mrs. Grow says awkwardly. I look up for the first time to give her a confused look when I notice it.

The entire class is staring at me in awe. My circle, the second circle, the male model, and both teachers.

"What?" I ask after a moment. Out of nowhere someone starts another slow clap. God that's annoying. After the applause dies down Mr. Grow takes a bow.

"I'm pretty sure I had nothing to do with this, but I'm taking credit for it anyway. It seems that little Ms. Vega over here is cured! It's a miracle!" He says throwing up his hands. I hear a few Hallelujah's and a few more claps as students begin to gather there things and leave.

"You know you have to excuse him" I hear Mrs. Grow say as she comes over to me. "Wow Tori, you really are cured… this… this is amazing." She says drooling on my work.

"Eh, it's just two hands"

"Yeah but they look so… real. Like I could feel what you drew." She says looking it over again.

"Well… that's what I was aiming for I guess." I say.

"Well then you hit it spot on. Great job, you made it through an entire class and drew what you needed to." She says before patting my shoulder and walking away.

She's right… I did it. Oh… my… god. I DID IT!

"So, how it feel to-" I don't let Cat finish her sentence as I fly off of my stool and give her a bone crushing hug.

"Cat you're amazing! I did it! All because of you!" I exclaim squeezing her tighter.

"Tori… can't… breathe" She whimpers. I immediately loosen my arms but don't let go.

"Thanks" She says taking a huge breath. "And Tori?" She asks.

"Yeah?"

"I'm still naked"

And then darkness. Darkness everywhere.

… …. … … ….. …. … …. …. … ….. ….. …

"Is your head ok?"

"Yeah"

"Are you sure? You hit it against that easel pretty hard."

"Yeah it's fine, nothing a few aspirin can't fix" I say cracking a weak smile.

As you've probably figured out, yes, I did pass out after realizing that I was hugging a very naked Cat Valentine. From what I know she caught me... well, kind of. Anyway, we just left the nurses office and are currently standing in the parking lot next to my car. Figure drawing ended an hour ago and Cat decided to wait till I woke up again. She's so sweet to do that.

"I don't know Tori, maybe you should come home with me." Cat says with a concerned look.

YES. ABSOLUTLY YES.

"Are you sure? I don't want to be intruding on the rest of your day." Yeah, that's right Tori, play it cool.

"It's not intruding if I'm asking you to join me. I'm not doing anything today, just going home, so come with me. Pleeeeeease?" She says drawing the word out. Aww… she's so cute when she does that.

"Well… I guess I could use some company to" I say with a smile.

"Yay!" She says before hugging me. "Wait, are you ok to drive?"

"Yes Cat. As long as there's no nudity involved, I should be fine to drive."

"Right." She laughs.

I have I feeling I'm really gonna enjoy this day.

….. … …. …. ….. … ….. …. ….. ….. ….

"Come on Tori… open the hanger, here comes the airplane…"

"No."

"Open the tunnel, here comes the choo choo train…"

"…"

"Tori open your damn mouth"

My jaw instantly slacks open at hearing her use a "bad" word, in which, she takes advantage and shoves the spoon in my mouth.

"Aww see? That wasn't so bad was it?" She says with a smile. I just swallow the chicken noodle soup and pout.

After we got back to Cat's place, she insisted that I needed to eat (I had told her that I hadn't eaten yet today). It's not that I didn't want to, I just slept through my alarm this morning and didn't eat breakfast. This also caused me to be late to my first class, prompting me to stay after class and miss lunch. Yeah I may be hungry, but that doesn't mean I'm going to just give in to her amazing soup.

Ok fine, I just think it's cute how she's trying to feed me. I have to be difficult so she won't stop ok?

"Ok" She says after blowing on the next spoonful. "Open the garage door, here comes the car…"

It's like watching her feed a child. It's adorable. She's so excited about it too. She does a little victory dance every time she gets me to eat another spoonful. You know I think I could get used to this. Cat feeding me is definitely one of the better moments in my day. Well… a better moment in the past four years actually.

"You're making the face-"

"NO I'M NOT" I cut her off.

"Righhht" She drawls out.

This is… really nice. I haven't really made an effort to make friends after I started collage. People used to just flock to me, like back at HA, but anything after high school is a completely different ball game. I don't know… having Cat here, it just brings back that warmth of having a friend again. That security you find in others when you can't find it in yourself.

However it is kind of random now that I think about it. I hadn't spoken to Cat it four years and then out of nowhere we meet again and it's like we never lost touch. I mean, it hasn't been awkward, I haven't had to explain anything… it's like we just picked up from where we left off.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask. The seriousness in my voice causes her to put the spoon and bowl on the coffee table and give me her full attention.

"Of course"

"After all these years… do you ever wonder why we lost touch? Do you care?" I ask.

"Hmm…" She thinks for a moment. "Well of course I wonder. I wasn't sure if it was something I did or what. And I do care… just not enough to cause conflict between us. I just got you back ya know?" She says.

"I guess. I just… for the life of me, I have no idea why I ever stopped talking to you guys. Well, Jade's understandable, but the rest of you were like family to me. Especially you, I at least owed you an explanation." I say looking down. "I never realized just how much I missed you until now I guess."

Yeah, I'm upset with myself. I should have tried harder to stay connected. Image how close Cat and I could be right now. I wouldn't have missed out on crucial parts of her life, hell, I probably could have talked her out of becoming a nude model. I let life happen and made no effort to sort it out.

"Tori, don't beat yourself up over it. I don't hold it against you, so you shouldn't either. I'm just glad to have you back." She says with a small smile.

That's so cute. She's making me feel all warm and happy inside… like… like

"I could kiss you again" FUCKING DAMNIT Tori! Cat immediately bursts into a fit of giggles. Nice. Great job you idiot. I hope you fall of a bridge. Then get raped by a shark.

"Well, seeing as the first one didn't go quite as planned…" She says sliding closer to me. "You could always try again. I mean, everyone deserves a second change right?" She says innocently.

Is… is she coming on to me? Oh. My. God. She's totally coming on to me. Cat Valentine is coming on- is she leaning? Like the leaning you do before a kiss? _That_ lean? Her hand is on my leg… ohmygod…. What do I do…

Kiss her you idiot!

I focus on Cat's full glossed lips for a moment and just before my eyes close and I close the distance between us… Cat busts out laughing. There's something in my teeth isn't there?

"Wooooow" She says between laughs.

"What?" I whine.

"Nothing, nothing, I just think the face that you claim you're not making is cute." She giggles.

"Are you teasing me?" I ask skeptically/surprised.

"No, of course not. If I was teasing you then I'd also mention how cute I think the crush you have on me is." She says smirking.

"Pff… crush? Ha… no… I don't… psh… what?" I sputter.

"You have a crush on me. Admit it." She says.

"It's not a crush!"

"Yes it is."

"How would you even know?"

"Because of the face"

"THERE IS NO FACE!" I yell jumping up.

"Do you wanna kiss me?" She says standing up and facing me.

"No…" Yes.

"You're lying"

"No I'm not" I'm a filthy liar.

"Ugh, fine Tori. Don't admit it. Just know that I know" She says sitting down.

"There's nothing to know" Just that I have a crush on you.

Oh come on there's no point in denying it. It's obvious. The butterflies? The warm feeling I get when I'm around her? The fact that I love being around her? Total and absolute crush.

"Alright. Whatever you say. Let's just change the subject. What time and day do you wanna meet to study?" She asks.

"Hmm… how about Wednesday? Five o'clock?" I ask.

"Sounds good. I'm pretty sure I'm not busy then."

"Good"

"Yeah…"

"Yeah so… I should probably go. I have a test to study for tomorrow." I say standing up.

"Wait." Cat says before picking up the bowl of soup as scurrying into the kitchen. When she comes back she has the soup in a Tupperware container. Aww.

"Here" She says handing it to me. "You better eat it too. Don't make force feed you again" She says with a laugh. I smile and nod.

"So I guess I'll see you Wednesday" I say as she walks me to her door.

"Yeah… Wednesday" She says before letting me out. We give and awkward wave to each other before I start down the hall.

You like her Tori. You like her and now you're walking away from her. Right, I'm walking away from Cat's apartment, I think I've established that. But with every step I take… my heart pounds harder. The further I get, the slower my steps are. My palms start to sweat a little bit and I come to a complete stop.

Tori, get your ass back there and voice exactly what thought just blew through your mind.

And I do. I literally sprint the few yards back to Cat's door and knock constantly till it opens.

"Jesus, it's not gonna make me move faster just because it's more irritating." She says as she opens the door. "Oh… Tori. Sorry I thought-"

"Do you wanna have dinner?" I rush out. There. I said it. I said exactly what I was thinking about and… what the hell did I just do?

"You mean like… like a date?" She asks. And being the idiot I am, I panic.

"No" Exactly like a date.

"No?" She asks arching an eye brow.

"No… just like… friends hanging out" Like when I date you. "Maybe Wednesday before we study?"

"Um… yeah sure. Why not?" She says smiling.

"Great… so I'll pick you up-"

"Pick me up? I though you said this wasn't a date?" She smirks.

"Uh…" You idiot.

"Just text when you get here" She says with a laugh.

"Right… I will. See you then" I say mentally slapping myself.

"Yeah. And hey, it was really nice seeing you tonight." She says drawing a sudden serious moment. "Really, regardless of whatever happened in the past, I'm really glad to have you back."

"Thanks Cat. And for what it's worth… maybe I do have a tiny crush on you" I say earning a giggle out of her. "But yeah, I'm really glad to have you back too."

At that Cat tilts her head to the side and gives me this look… it's like I mean the world to her. After a moment or two she leans up and presses her lips to my cheek. This gets this really stupid smile on my face and the moment she sees it she mirrors it.

After that we say another goodbye and when I get in my car I take a minute to think about the past few hours. How could I have ever let myself forget about Cat? I mean… seeing who she is now and being around her, I can't believe this is what I've been missing all these years. And well, if it's anything I know now more than ever…

I'm not letting myself miss out on another minute of it.

… ….. ….. ….. … … ….. …. …. …. …

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms. Another chapter up for you.**

**So, what do you think about this one? Granted nothing really happened but this one was a little more internal than anything.**

**Once again, I am incredibly tired but I made myself stay up till 4 a.m. to make sure its was out on time. Oh yeah, feel the love. You guys are awesome and you deserve it. Speaking of a few of you awesome people (among the many)…**

**CrazyRedHairedChick333: That makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something big. More updates you shall have.**

**Lebensender: Patience young one. Patience and you'll see.**

**Zinzu: Yes, I notice you! I can't reply to everyone because that would be longer than the story itself but I do take note and appreciate everyone. Also, I know a week seems like a long time but think of it as waiting for a new episode of a TV show. It only happens once a week.**

**SuperGravyMan: Why thank you my friend. You flatter me.**

**Alright loves, that all for this week. Welcome to all my new readers and I want to thank everyone for the birthday wishes. It was a good day. Anyway, till the next chapter, Reviews = Love. So pretend I'm a perfectly, golden brown, piece toast and spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	7. Takes My Breath Away

"I have nothing to wear, I'm not going"

Safe to say Wednesday rolled around a lot faster than I expected. One minute I was leaving Cat's apartment, then the next, I'm digging through my closet trying to find something to wear on our not-date. I mean, it's not a date, so I shouldn't care right? WRONG. Of course I care. I _wanted_ it to be a date but I pussied out at the last minute. Anyway, I want to wear something perfect. Not like sweats and a t-shirt that says "Friend zone/girls night" and also not a nice dress that says "Marry me and make an honest woman of me". Hmm... well I could always wear a low cut v-neck with skinny jeans that screams "I just want ass!". Yeah, no.

Fuck it. Jeans and a hoodie it is.

If only you could see the mess I am right now. It's two hours before our not-date and I'm going insane. I'm running around my apartment in a towel with my toothbrush in my mouth tearing apart everything in my path. I even slipped and fell down a few times.

I hear a knock at the door that scares the bejeezus out of me and causes me to slip and fall yet again. Oh yeah... I had a package being delivered today. New text books for Tori, yay!Well... I don't have time to get dressed and I'm sure the UPS guy would loving seeing me in a towel, to the door it is.

I get over to my door then unlock it to reveal none other than the UPS... no... no no... that's not the UPS guy...

"Cat?" I yelp.

"Pretty bold move for someone with a phobia of nudity, yes?" She says arching an eyebrow. I literally almost choke on toothpaste at that and then immediately slam the door in her face.

I then proceed to sprint back into my room (slipping and falling in the process) and rip my clothes on. Yes, apparently you can rip your clothes on just as well as off. Anyway, I dash into the bathroom and quickly rinse out my mouth before running my hands through my hair until I look presentable. Then before I know it, I'm back at my door. Wow. I think even superman would be proud of how fast that was.

I take a deep breath then slowly twist the knob and open the door. Ok Tori, play it cool.

I open my mouth to say hi but instead only air comes out... then back in... and this process repeats in a rapid motion as I try to catch my breath from what I just did.

"Ok I get it... no more surprise visits." Cat says looking at me concerned. I nod, still panting, and step back to let her in.

"Wow, Tori your apartment is beautiful." She says as she walks in.

"Yeah..." I say still out of breath, man I need to work out.

"Beautiful and... destroyed. Seems like quite an effort for a not-date." She says referring to my clothes scattered everywhere.

"Yeah well, I needed to wear something perfect for it anyway" I say finally catching my breath.

"Is that what you're wearing?"

"Uh... yeah"

"Oh my god I'm so over dressed" She says blushing. And man is she right...

In my haste I completely overlooked what she's wearing. It's a white cocktail type dress that stops about mid thigh. There's a strap going over each bare shoulder and a silver lining just under her breasts... not that I was staring there. Anyway, to finish it off she has a small white clutch and pale pink pumps on. She... looks... beautiful. It literally takes my breathe away.

"Should I go home and change?" She asks slightly self-conscious, probably because of my gawk.

"No!" I say quickly. That sounded desperate...

"Ok then... I won't" She says with a smile.

"Good, let me just go put on something a littler more fitting and we'll... go do something. The reservation isn't till six." I say.

"Yeah sorry about that. I just got kind of excited and jumped the gun I guess" She says with a blush.

"Excited? But I thought this wasn't a date..." I tease, which she immediately picks up on and rolls her eyes.

After hearing that, I'm not so nervous anymore.

…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

"Stop it."

"Stop what? I'm not even doing anything."

"Yes you are, you're judging me."

"How am I judging you? All I said was that this was a pretty nice place to make reservations for a not-date"

As you can easily guess, we're at the restaurant now. I managed to get changed into a dress similar to hers, only light blue before we left. Since then we basically just drove around till six. At the moment we've already ordered our drinks and Cat's been going on about how fancy this place this. Granted it's been named the number one romantic restaurant in New York, but hey, what better place to take your not-girlfriend on a not-date? _One If By Land, Two If By Sea _is it's name and the food here is amazing.

"Psh... please this is like... a totally common place to go" I reason.

"Common? The prices are ridicules." She says glancing over the menu again.

"Yeah don't worry about it I'm paying" I let slip.

"Right because you're supposed to dress up really nice and go to a five star restaurant where you pay for me on a not-date?" She asks sarcastically.

"Exactly"

"So what price range am I aiming for then?" She asks looking at her menu a little closer.

Hmm... well, this place is pretty expensive. I don't exactly want to break the bank all in one night. Granted I'm pretty well off because of my year of performing... but still, I don't wanna be homeless tomorrow.

Tori what the hell are you saying? Open your eyes! You're on a date with a beautiful girl who's totally and completely worth it.

"Cat, it's a not-date, order whatever you want. Don't even bat an eyelash at the prices" I say with a small smile which she returns.

"Wow... that's really sweet." She says before her smile falters.

"What's wrong?" So help me, Tori if you did anything, I will not hesitate to drive into the nearest river.

"Nothing really. It's just, I've never been on a real not-date before." She says looking down.

"Really? But I thought you had a girlfriend." Now I'm curious.

"I did... but we didn't ever do this." She gestures to the restaurant. "I like this." She says, her smile returning to her face.

"I like it too." I say.

And I think... I just might like her too.

…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

"Oh my god... that was amazing" Cat says staring at her empty plate.

"Definitely" I agree.

It was so good. Like if I could make babies with anything, I would make them with the food served here. Yeah, _that_ good. Anyway, we had a great dinner. Cat and I mostly made small talk throughout the meal, we both got some amazing pasta that is impossible to pronounce, and then we split some gelato and crème brûlée for dessert. Granted I'll probably be forced into prostitution after paying the check but again, it was so worth it. We had a great time.

"So, are you ready to go study?" She asks.

"Oh, yeah I guess." Yeah, most people get sex after an amazing date, instead I feel my tutor up. Now that I think about it... that's not exactly a negative thing. At all.

"Good. I'm so glad this is working"

Speaking of... there's something she has yet to explain about all that.

"Cat... you never told me how you thought of that." I say.

"Hm, I didn't did I?" she says. Here eyes are on the table before they go to mine.

"You don't have to tell me if it's..." I trail off.

"No no, I'll tell you. I trust you." She says with a sweet smile which I easily mirror.

"Well," She starts. "Basically, a long time ago it helped me. I was in... a bad situation." She says dropping her gaze to the table again and frowning.

"What kind of bad situation?" I ask.

"You remember that girl I told you I dated?" She asks, I nod."Well, long story short, she was kind of... abusive" Cat says the last word quietly.

She. Was. What? I don't know who this chick is... but I suddenly find myself really wanting to find her and tear her face off. No one... and I mean no one deserves that. Especially not Cat. If I would've been there I would've killed that girl for hurting Cat. Cat... adorable innocent little Cat. _My_ Cat. I should've been there. What if I had been there to protect her? This wouldn't have happened if I had kept in touch...

"I'm so sorry" I whisper.

"It's ok, it's not your fault. It's mine really. I should've left her or at least told someone." She says.

"How long were you with her?" I ask.

"About a year. She started getting... that way about three months into the relationship. At first it was just one or two times a week. But then... every time she got mad... it just became a daily thing. After a while Jade started catching on from a few unexplainable bruises and made me tell her what was happening. I don't think I ever seen Jade beat the hell out of anyone that badly before." She says with a slight smile.

"Cat... you know if I had been there-"

"And I'm glad you weren't." She cuts me off, covering my hand with hers. "Tori, Jade can take care of herself. But I don't know if I'd ever forgive myself if anything ever happened to you." She says staring right into my eyes.

I don't really have a response so that so I just nod. She's right though... I'm not a fighter. Jade was what Cat needed and had. I just wish I could've at least kicked that chick in the face after she was unconscious or something. Wow... look at me being all protective. I didn't even know I had it in me.

"Anyway, back to my point, about a month later... she found me. I was walking to my car after my classes were finished and... she wasn't done with me, or at least that's what she said. I mean it was broad daylight... yet no one helped me, no one tried to stop her." She says pausing, reflecting really, for a moment. "Three hits... that's all it took. The first two would leave simple bruises but the last... she hit me square in the temple. Knocked me unconscious but from what I know, Jade came out of nowhere and finished what she started." She pauses again.

"Long story short, the cops were called, there was a trial, she's in prison, and there's a one hundred mile restraining order against her. Anyway... I woke up about an hour later in the hospital. Jade told me she was there... but I couldn't see her. Apparently Blare hit me so hard she blinded me. I had a fifty/fifty chance of regaining sight so... for that year I could only "see" by touch. Even though I couldn't see, everything was still very vivid. That's how I knew how to help you." Cat finishes. She looks up at me slowly and I can easily see the fear that still haunts her in her eyes.

I don't know what really came over me, but the next thing I know, I'm in the booth right next to Cat with my arms around her. She easily relaxes into me and rests her head on my shoulder. I'm not even sure if I'm doing this right... I'm just doing what my body wanted.

"I..." I trail off. I'm not really sure what to say. I've never been put in this situation before. "You're really strong" I say.

"Strong? I got my ass kicked for a year and was to afraid to tell anyone. Hell I was blind for another year because I was too weak to defend myself" She says pulling back to look at me, clearly angry at herself.

"Yeah, and yet here you are. You're not hiding yourself away in some cave in fear that you might get hurt again. You're not afraid to talk about it. You regained your sight and if you hadn't of told me, I would've never guessed that any of this had ever happened." I say.

For a moment she hesitates to speak, then she looks away.

"We need to go" She says quietly. She doesn't even let me get up, she just slides right past me and before I know it, she's out of the restaurant.

Nice going Tori, you really upset her.

I think over the past few minutes that just happened till the waiter shows up and I ask for the check. After paying, I make my way out to my car to see Cat sitting in the passengers seat looking down. Well this will be an awkward ride home. Guess this means our study date is off.

I take a deep breath then open the drivers side and get in.

"Look, Cat, whatever I said... I'm sorry. I-

"Don't... don't apologize. You said everything right. Everything I needed to hear... I just never thought I'd believe it." She says looking up at me. It's now that I notice that her eyes are filled with tears. "Thank you" She finishes.

She leans over the middle compartment and wraps her arms around me. It takes me a second to do the same and we sit like that, no matter how uncomfortable, for a few minutes before pulling apart so I can drive us to her apartment.

Believe me when I say I did not at all plan for a night like this, and it's not even over yet. But whatever's happening between us... I hope it continues.

…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

"Tori, It's not like I'm asking you to fondle my boobs, just my arms and shoulders."

"Well your shoulders are too close to your boobs."

"Please like you don't want to feel them anyway"

"What? No I don't" I say crossing my arms.

Cat and I have been studying for a while now. As you can see we've hit a roadblock though. Her shoulders are just so... I don't know... bare. She was right, feeling really is like seeing, it almost makes me nervous. Anyway, we're doing feet and arms today. She decided that she should tackle more today considering the middle of the semester is right around the corner.

"Oh I'm sorry, my boobs not good enough for you?" She asks. I hate that I can't open my eyes and glare at her.

"W-what? No, they're perfect for me-I mean... uh, I'm sure they're very nice. From what I've seen, they'd probably feel great. In fact I can't wait till I get to." I rush out. Way to fucking go Tori. I hear Cat let out a laugh.

"You suck." I say.

"Yeah yeah, shoulders, now." She says. I do as she says hesitantly and starts kneading my fingers into her shoulders. "Mmm, to the left more" she mumbles.

"Ok" I say moving my hands a little... wait."Wait... you jerk, I'm supposed to be studying not giving you a massage." I say.

"Right, sorry, never mix business with pleasure." She says. You're right Cat, we should just leave the business part out altogether. Tori... get your mind out of the gutter.

"You got that right..." I mumble.

"So, have anything planned for Thanksgiving through New Years?" She asks. Oh... that's right, Thanksgiving is next week then I'm pretty much off till New Years. With Figure drawing starting to late in the school year I guess my minds just been wrapped up in it.

"Uh... yeah actually. I'm flying back to California to see my family. I'll be there till second semester starts."

"Well what a coincidence, I'll be flying back to California for the same reasons too. Maybe we can go out for coffee or something while we're there." She says.

"Yeah, I'd like that" And I would. I would like it _a lot_.

"You about done?" She asks.

"Oh, yeah I'm done" I say taking my hands of her shoulders.

While she puts clothes on I can't help but think about all this. Cat. I liker her. As in I _like_ like her. It's obvious and I can can only wonder if she feels the same. Granted she flirts with me _ a lot,_ but she's always been that way. I feel like we shared something special tonight though. At dinner we got into some pretty deep stuff and she seems to trust me so... I don't know. I guess with Cat it's gonna take her to verbally tell me she likes me in order for me to know. Well... all I can really do is continue to use my "Vega Charm" by saying the most ridicules things and getting myself into embarrassing situations. Oh yeah, the ladies love it.

"You can open your eyes, I'm decent. Although if you want to see me fantastic you should really get over your phobia of nudity" She says and when I open my eyes I see her smirk. I give a laugh at that and shake my head.

"Right well, if I ever get over it you'll be the first to know. AND DON'T... say anything snarky or sarcastic to that." I say prompting her to close her mouth. Nice catch Vega.

"Ok, ok. Just know that I'll be looking forward to it. AND DON'T... say anything snarky or sarcastic to that." She teases. Right... but oh baby will I think it and I will think it so hard.

"Well, I should get going. It's late." I say heading to the door with Cat following me.

"Alright, drive safe, see you tomorrow." She says leaning against her door frame when I get in the hall.

"I will... well... goodnight" I say awkwardly.

"Before you go I just... uh... I had a really great night. Thank you." She says with a small smile.

"Yeah anytime. I had a great night too." I say mirroring her smile.

She leans closer to me then hesitates before getting up on her toes and pressing her lips to my cheek. She lingers there for a moment before pulling back to reveal her shy smile. It's ok, I'm smiling like an absolute idiot.

"Goodnight Tori" She says before stepping back and closing her door.

I feel like she sucked the air right out of my lungs. Yeah... that small kiss on my cheek took my breath away. Like when I look at the rain. There... that's what I feel. That's the feeling I get when I'm with Cat.

She takes my breath away.

…**... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms. Another one up for all of you.**

**So, how was this one? A lot more emotional than I had intended but now at least we're going somewhere. This was a little harder to write because I'm in the middle of traveling, so sorry for any grammatical errors or if it's choppy.**

**Be proud. I made sure this was out on time even though I'm 3,000 miles from my house and alternating between two southern states 12 hours away from each other. Oh yes, I expect an epic happy dance.**

**Alright so, tell me what you thought, you're input is appreciated and always makes me smile. Speaking of a few of those smiles...**

**CrazyRedHairedChick333: Aww. Well I'm glad I could brighten your day, reading that brightened mine.**

**Vampiree98 : Yeah well, you should see how crazy my family thinks I am after I read your reviews.**

**Crazyanime man: I guess now you know. Hope it didn't disappoint.**

**Uz4mj1995: Now I can cross, "Made video game character fall off a latter" off my bucket list. That actually made me laugh when I read that. **

**Alright loves, that's all this time. So, till the next chapter, Reviews = Love. So spread it around. Thick. **

**A.Y.P.**


	8. Berries and Cream

"Your boobs are huge"

"I know right! And guess what? I found this ketchup and onion recipe online that helps prevent stretchmarks!"

"Right... like how rubbing sugar and olive oil under your armpits prevented pregnancy?"

"Yeah... maybe I should read the testimonials first..."

This might shock you when I say this, but I am indeed talking to none other than, my sister Trina. Yeah, my **married** and **pregnant** sister Trina. It baffled me for a while to think that she would ever find someone but... she did, or well, he found her. She yet again bombed an audition for a movie and left her purse in the auditorium she was auditioning in. One of the maintenance guys chased her down to give it back and... well, the rest is history. Apparently he thought that she should've gotten the lead and we all know that that's the quickest way to Trina's heart. They dated my freshmen year in college and after that he popped the question. You can imagine that I was quite shocked to find that they decided to breed earlier this year. Well, they didn't exactly plan to breed now... but you know... things happen.

They really do love each other though. It inspires me really. Trina, who at the time was only capable of loving herself, took a chance on him and... I found that she has a heart. She cares for someone other than herself now. Hell, she even cares about _me_. She's being a sister now. And Brad really loves her.

Brad, that's her husband. He truly adores Trina and thinks she's the best performer in the world. I mean he genuinely thinks that. I love it. I love seeing how they love each other. Trina was able to get over herself and Brad loves her to the point of where her flaws are make her perfect. It's beautiful. It makes me want to paint. It makes me want... to find love like that one day. To love someone more than my passion.

"I want mashed potatoes..." Trina trails off breaking my out of my thoughts. "And oatmeal"

"Trina ew." I say wincing.

"If you tried it you wouldn't be saying that." She defends.

"Well when I'm pregnant I'll try it and let you know."

"Oh my god you're pregnant?" She screeches.

"Tori's WHAT?" Both my parents yell flying into the living room.

"Tori's pregnant! Bradly get in here!" Trina yells as my dad starts to hyperventilate. Maybe that's where I get it...

"Victoria I thought we raised you better! Who was it? Some bum from a bar?" My mom yells.

"What? No, you guys are crazy, Trina misheard me. I said that **when** I'm pregnant I try her disgusting food. I'm not pregnant!" I shriek.

"Oh thank god" Trina says as everyone lets out a breath. Thanks a lot Trina.

"Good, I knew we raised you right. Our baby is waiting till she's married right?" My dad asks.

"Yeah... exactly" I say cracking a weak smile. It takes everything in Trina to not burst out laughing.

My parents put proud smiles on their faces then head back into the kitchen.

"Funny how the people that brought you into the world can't tell that you're lying through your teeth" Brad sighs.

"Funny and a lifesaver. But it's different, you and Trina had it easy because Trina's always been crazy. I'm the normal one, so when I have my "first serious boyfriend", it'll be a lot more than just a background check." I say running a hand through my hair.

"Yeah... good luck with that." Brad says returning to the kitchen. Yeah, my dad ran a background check on Brad after he and Trina met. Even tracked his credit cards for a month or two before my dad decided to trust him. But we all know for me it will be a million times worse.

"So... speaking of Ms. Not-so-innocent, anyone new walk into the fabulous life of Tori Vega?" Trina asks.

"Not really... I'm more focused on school right now than anything"

"Oh. Now I get it. Tori, you can't do that to yourself" She says laying her hand on my back.

"Do what...?"

"Focus so hard on being perfect that you miss Mr. Perfect. You gotta live a little. Find someone you love and want to spend your life with. You're in your prime right now and you've probably already found your soul mate, you just wont take your eyes off the textbook to notice." She says.

"Wow..." I say in awe.

"What?"

"Brad was right, somewhere deep down, you do have a heart" I tease wiping a fake tear from my eye. She immediately rolls her eyes and smacks my arm.

"But really, think about what I said" She says before getting up, with my help, and waddling into the kitchen.

As funny as it is to pick on her, she's right. I need to open my eyes a bit more.

I hear a knock at the door that brings my out of my train of thought and hear Trina yell at me to get it. Yupp, just like old times.

I get up and when I get to the door, the doorbell goes off. I quickly twist the knob, annoyed at the impatience of whoever it is and open it.

"Oh I'm sorry Miss, I don't mean to bother you but you see, I'm going out on a not-date with this beautiful girl tonight and she just doesn't seem to be answering her phone" Cat smirks. My hand immediately flies to my back pocket, where my phone should be, and finds that it's empty.

"I am so sorry... I thought it was... it's not... wanna come in?" I ask. She giggles and nods as I step back to let her in.

"So you weren't just getting cold feet?" She asks as she sits down on the couch.

"Not at all. I guess I didn't hear my alarm go off to go pick you up... I'm sorry" I apologize. Yeah, Nice going Tori, you almost stood up your not-date. Good thing she knows where I live.

"It's ok. It's only a half hour after, I figured you fell asleep or something."

"Ah, well I'm definitely awake. I'm gonna go find my phone then we can head out." I say glancing around the room.

"No need to look, I'll just call it" She says taking her phone out of her purse."

"No, Cat, really don't call it. I'm sure it's around here somewhere" I panic.

But it's too late. I guess she had me on speed dial because she's already calling and I'm already getting embarrassed.

"_I wanna, I wanna, I wanna touch you_

_Do you wanna touch me too?"_

Yes... this line from the song is the only thing that blasts from my cellphone which I now know is lodged between the couch cushions. You never expect someone who's with you to call your cellphone so I figured she'd never hear it...

At first she looks confused, but then I see one eyebrow arch and that damn smirk form on her face. Seriously, fuck. My. Life.

I slowly retrieve my phone and reject her call. I know for a fact my face is redder than a tomato, but I think I'm going to just pretend she didn't hear that.

"So... ready to go?" I say heading to the door.

"Yeah, well, as long as you keep your hands to yourself I guess" She teases.

I should really consider changing my ring tone... or if not changing it at least acting on it... more.

…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

"Your dad honestly thinks you're still a virgin?"

"Yupp, apparently his baby is waiting till she's married. Guess he and my mom are expecting another child then"

"But... he knows you had a boyfriend right? A serious one? That you spent nights with..."

"Yeah... beats me how he's a cop."

Cat and I have been at this little coffee shop about fifteen minutes from my house for almost two hours now. We just keep thinking of things to talk about. We've gone from school to what we did for Thanksgiving and now we're talking about how oblivious my parents are. This is really nice. Relaxing here with Cat. I don't know if it's the seasonal spirit or just because I'm in a good mood, whatever the case, I'm having a great time with her right now.

"Well... you turned out pretty ok, so I think we can let it slide." She says.

"Oh I guess." I say with a laugh.

"So what are you doing after Christmas?"

"Umm, I'm not sure. Probably just spending more time with my family before heading back to New York for New Years." I say taking another sip from my cup of coffee.

"Ah, back to New York for New Years. Anyone special you have in mind for the first kiss of the new year?" She asks.

"A few... Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, and that guy from the Starburst Berries and Cream Commercial." I say nonchalantly. This earns a healthy laugh from Cat.

"Well then, I totally call the Berries and Cream guy after you" She says still laughing.

"Deal"

…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

"So..."

"Yeah..."

"... Well I had a nice time."

"Me too."

"Yeah..." Cats finishes.

Yeah this is pretty much what all of our goodbyes sound like. Which is weird considering we always have a great time and our night was so nice. I guess that's just our thing. Awkward goodbyes.

"Well... I guess I'll see you in New York" She says.

"Yeah... maybe we'll grab coffee again before our next study session." I say. She nods and I awkwardly get out of her car. And by awkwardly, I mean that I got caught on the seat belt and just barely caught myself before my face smacked into the pavement. Of course Cat giggled at that.

"Right... well. Bye." I say as I start to turn around.

"Yes." She says randomly, causing me to turn back around to face her.

"Huh?" I ask.

"Yes." She says again.

"Yes what...?" I ask.

Cat gives a small smile before pulling out her phone and pressing a button.

"_I wanna, I wanna, I wanna touch you_

_Do you wanna touch me too?"_

Oh... My... God.

"And Tori, you're making the face again" She winks before pulling off.

…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

I think I'm gonna say it.

For the first time in my life, I'm about to say something that I never thought in a million years I'd say.

Today I don't feel like doing anything. And no, not like the Bruno Mars song. I'm not going to turn on the TV, I'm not gonna throw my hand in my pants, and I'm sure as hell not gonna walk around in my birthday suit. It's about eleven at night, New Years Eve, and I've been laying in bed all day. And no, I don't plan on getting up.

I'm not depressed or anything, I just don't see a point to get all excited. To me it's just another day. I don't have any New Years resolutions, I don't have a bottle of champagne in the fridge, and I don't have anyone to spend tonight with.

I hate to admit it, but Trina was right. I got so caught up with the textbooks that I didn't allow myself to branch out and make friends. Who would've thought that Tori Vega would be lonely... certainly not me.

"_I wanna, I wanna, I wanna touch you,_

_Do you wanna touch me too?"_

I hear that blare from my nightstand and hearing that is definitely enough to brighten my day.

"Hello?" I say after I get my phone to my ear.

"_What are you doing at this exact moment?"_

"Nothing, I'm in bed. Why?" I ask starting to smile.

"_Well, do you mind if I join you?"_

NOT AT ALL.

"Huh, we've been talking for only three months and you're already trying to get into my pants?" I say with a huge smile.

"_Well it depends... are you wearing any?" _She says, her voice dropping low.

"U-uh... I...uh" I stutter. Apparently that was enough of an answer for Cat to laugh hysterically at me.

"_Oh my god Tori, you're such a horndog, put on something presentable, I'll be there in... now." _Cat says before I hear the line go dead. OH SHIT.

I spring out of bed and tear into my closet for a pair of jeans and a hoodie. Just as I pull my hoodie over my head I hear a knock on the door. Wow... that was actually pretty awesome Tori. That was _better_ than Superman in a phone booth this time

I make my way to my door and take a deep breath before opening it.

"A little more of a warning next time" I say as I see her.

"Yeah... I will definitely do that..." Cat says with a surprised expression eying the lower half of my body. At first I'm confused... till I feel a breeze.

No... no fucking way...

I forgot to put my jeans on.

Cat tries not to smile as my face goes completely red with embarrassment. How on earth did I miss that? They're pants for crying out loud! And I mean... oh god did I put on underwear...? Wait... yeah, ok yeah I did. Thank god, so I guess it's not as bad as it could be. I would totally prefer she saw my underwear rather than my... yeah.

Dammit Tori! I quickly slam the door in her face, yet again, then do everything in my power to not jump off my balcony.

After successfully getting my jeans on and checking for any other missing articles of clothing, I head back to my door and open it slowly.

"You know for someone who's-"

"Zip it" I cut her off.

"Right... so, I didn't just come for a show, follow me" She says. And I do. I lock up my apartment and follow her all the way to Times Square, which really isn't that far from my apartment. It mostly consists of us weaving through people and finding a spot in the middle of the street with everyone to watch the countdown.

"Why me?" I yell to her over the crowd. She arches an eyebrow which tells me she doesn't understand. "You have a ton of friends, why spend tonight with me?" I yell.

"Because... I feel like you're the one that matters." She says.

Ok, I'm sure I'm blushing again (just like she is), but that was really... sweet. And the nice thing about it, she's the only one that really matters to me too.

"10!... 9!... 8!..." We hear people start yelling.

"Ready?" She says sticking her hand out.

"7!"

"Absolutely" I say taking it.

"6!"

"Hey Tor..." Cat trails off.

"5!"

"Yeah?" I say glancing over at her.

"4!"

"I know I'm not exactly what you had in mind..." She trails off again

"3!"

"Yeah...?" I say confused.

"2!"

"But..." She says.

"1!"

And in that moment... that split second... Cat leaned up and pressed her lips firmly against mine.

"Happy New Year!" Everyone screams. Cat pulls back with a shy smile and I'm sure that once again, I'm smiling like an idiot.

She leans forward again but this time up to my ear. "Happy New Year" She says.

"Yeah... you too" I say as she pulls back again.

She's right. She wasn't at all what I expected

But just know... she was so much better than the Berries and Cream guy.

…**... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms. Another one up for you.**

**So, who procrastinated? Me! Yeah, it's currently 4:00 A.M. And I am exhausted. But true to my word, this chapter is out on time... I think today's Tuesday...**

**Anyway, I'm sorry it was choppy and short. I needed to get past the holidays but didn't want to leave you too clueless. Hopefully it'll satisfy.**

**Also, I'm sorry in advance for any errors in this, I am so tired...**

**Anyway, to my lovely reviewers-WAIT! PAUSE LIKE YOU'RE EATING A TWIX, Dude! 23 freakin reviews on the last chapter... I love you guys. I really do. Thank you all so much.**

**Lebensender: Well thanks, you flatter me. Hopefully this one satisfies. **

**SuperGravyMan: Oh my gosh... thank you so much. The minute I got your review I went and fixed that. You my friend, saved my life in that chapter. Terrible typo. **

**Luz4mj1995: Glad to help make your day. You are hilarious. **

**Meaghan Gibson: Glad that you're back, I was beginning to miss you Ms. Gibson. **

**Also: Extreme shout out to TheNutcase for being my 100****th**** Review. I'm really glad you all are liking this story and I hope that you all stay to see the end.**

**Alright loves, that's all for this chapter, so till the next update, Reviews = Love. So spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	9. That's What I'm Told

"Wow Vega, you look like shit"

"Yes, that's exactly what every woman wants to hear." I say rolling my glassy eyes.

Yeah, I may love the Winter, but right now it's a total asshole for giving me this damn cold. I came down with it the day after the best New Years of my life and it hasn't let up at all. So that brings me to now, sitting in class, sneezing and blowing my nose every five minutes. Yeah, I may feel like shit, but I definitely don't need to look it. Thanks Mr. Grow.

"Sorry. What happened?" He asks.

"A cold happened. Probably the worst cold I've ever had." I say with a cough.

"Hmm... have you slept?"

"Not really. Haven't eaten much either."

"Cold medicine?"

"I **never** take cold medicine. It makes my mind... weird." Well... more than usual.

"Maybe you're prego."

"Definitely a no" I say without hesitation.

"Are you sure?" He asks.

"Considering my last sexual encounter was over three years ago, I'm gonna go with my gut and say no." I say.

"Really? Well it makes sense I guess... but I mean still, you're... I mean look at you...uh... ok, awkward. Bye" He says then walks away. Ya know, I love Mr. Grow, but sometimes I worry that he's even more awkward then I am. And that says something.

"Wow he was right" I hear Mrs. Grow says as she walks over to me. "Tori, I don't think that its' just a cold. You might have the flu... actually, I'm pretty sure you have the flu.

"Perfect. Would you give me extra credit for a mosaic in used tissues?" I joke. Yeah... lame joke.

"Only if snot is the only thing in them." Mr. Grow says from across the room, playing of my joke. Ew...

Mrs. Grow rolls her eyes then slaps a glare on her face before turning to face him. His smile instantly drops at seeing his wife's face and he turns around to busy himself in whatever's on his desk. I have no idea how she puts up with him. She must just really love him.

"Anyway... you should go home Tori. You're not well." She says retuning her attention to me.

"Nooooo" I whine. "If I miss today's class than I'll get behind"

"No you won't. You can come in during your lunch whenever you feel better and make it up then. It's one class Tori." She says.

"You just don't want me to get you sick"

"Pretty much. But believe me when I say that I also care about your well being."

I don't wanna miss today's class. I get to see Cat today. Ok, let me rephrase that, I don't wanna miss seeing Cat today. Granted I saw her three days ago on New Years, but apparently that's enough time for me to miss her.

Then again, I do feel like complete shit.

"Fine" I sigh.

"Good. Now go before you spread more infection everywhere." She says with a sweet smile.

…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

"Rain rain, stay and play. I don't wanna get up today. Tori doesn't feel ok, so rain rain stay all day."

Yes, that's my remix to the nursery rhyme. Since I love the rain and it makes me feel better, I might as well show some sort of appreciation.

I've been sitting on my couch in my pj's for about two hours now. I don't feel like getting up, I don't feel like eating, and I don't feel like sleeping. So I watch the rain. But of course, like the universe heard my thoughts, I hear a knock at the door. Right, well I especially don't fee like seeing anyone.

I walk slowly to my door and unlock it before opening it.

"You know you can't pass Figure Arts on touch and drawing alone, you also need your health."

Except Cat. She's the only person I wanna see _every_ day.

"That's what I'm told" I say stepping back to let her in.

She immediately makes her way to my kitchen, with a bag of something, and starts rummaging around in my cabinets.

"Uh... can I help you?" I ask.

"Nope" She says pulling out a bowl. "But I can help you. Go lay down."

"Ok..." I say as I go lay down on the couch. The only thing really heard after that is Cat shuffling around in my kitchen and a few sneezes and sniffles from me. Hmm... I have to pee.

As I'm washing my hands in my bathroom, I look up and see myself for the first time today in the mirror.

"Wow he was right" I say to myself. I do look like shit. My eyes are all glazed and puffy. My nose is red and I'm a tad pale. "Perfect Tori. You look absolutely stunning for Cat."

After that I don't even try to make myself attractive and I walk back into my living room. I drop on to my couch and lay on my back, staring up at my ceiling.

Why is she here anyway? Apparently I have the flu and shouldn't be spreading my infection. I would feel terrible if Cat got sick. Well... maybe not completely terrible. She _would_ need someone to take care of her. I mean, it's only logical. She would need someone to feed her and walk her and kiss- I mean care for her. I would be perfect for that. Then I would take her back to my place and we would cuddle while watching the rain and then-

"And you're making the face again. Move" She says nudging my legs. I move them and she sits down next to me with a bowl of chicken noodle soup. Awww.

"Here. Mr. Grow said that you haven't eaten today. And a few other things... but this is the most important." She says holding up a spoonful of soup. Hell yes, she's gonna feed me!

"Yeah, he feels that it's his job to make sure everyone knows that I look like shit today" I say before she puts the spoon into my mouth.

"Eh, don't worry about him. I happen to find your red nose adorable" She says. This causes me to smile right before I swallow. "And maybe a little sexy"

And that causes me to choke as I swallow. That sounded a lot dirtier than whats actually happening...

"Oh my god... I'm so sorry, are you ok?" She says worried. After I hack a few more times I nod.

"Yeah, I just didn't know you found my pathetic immune system so attractive." I say.

"Well what can I say, I have a thing for the color red." She says spooning another bite of soup into my mouth.

She continues feeding me for a while till... well, I guess I feel asleep sometime because right now I'm on my stomach on the couch waking up. I don't really move much, just stretch the best I can then settle back into my comfortable position. Huh... it's dark out now. How long was I out? I'm not complaining, I didn't get any sleep last night, but it is kind of upsetting that I spent my day with Cat passed out on the couch. I wonder when she left...

"You're awake"

Right... she didn't.

"Mmhm" I mumble. Man I am tired.

"Come on" Cat says lightly rubbing my back. I give healthy yawn before sluggishly making my way to my feet. Cat gets a hold of my hand and leads me too my bedroom.

"You know I don't usually take girls to my bedroom so soon." I say as we get into my rroom. Cat turns to face me and matches my smirk.

"That cold medicine really does make you loopy" She giggles. Cold... what?

"I didn't take any cold medicine..."

"Yeah you did, you just didn't know it." She says with an innocent smile.

"You... drugged me?" I ask in disbelief.

"Chill Tori it was just a little NyQuil. Plus you couldn't even taste it in the soup"

"The soup! It was a trick... you heathen, I though you were better than that." I say pointing skeptical finger at her. Damn... I really am out of it.

"Yeah... anyway, get in bed." Cat says with a laugh. Then I do as I'm told, well, sort of. I kind of tripped over air and was too lazy to keep from falling, so I kind of just face-planted on my bed.

"Note to self, no more NyQuil." I hear Cat say. "Come on Tori, get under the covers"

I roll and crawl every which of ways before finally settling on the left side of my bed under the covers.

"Comfortable?" Cat asks.

"Yes" I croak. Well... it was nice of her to get me into bed, which sounds dirty, and try to make me feel better. I guess there's only so much she can do though. She has to get back to her life sometime and let me battle this out. Well... I would say goodbye, but I can't feel my mouth. I'm not even really sure where it is...

"Thanks, for all of this I mean." I say tiredly. Oh, there it is. Right on my face where I left it.

"No problem. Now try to get back to sleep ok?" She whispers bending down to my level.

"Ok..." I trail off before my eyes close. She is so nice... like a unicorn mother. Wait... what?

Right before I drop off to sleep, I feel two things.

One; Cat's lips on my forehead.

And two; The bed dip next to me.

…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

I don't think I've ever slept better in my entire life.

Seriously. It's like the sleep fairy graced me with its presence last night. Huh... maybe my head still isn't quite clear from the cold medicine. Oh well, it was worth it. I feel a million times better than I did yesterday. Not necessarily well enough to go to class, but well enough to not be miserable today. I definitely have to thank Cat for deceiving me whenever I see her next.

I feel the bed shift.

Which is apparently right now. I turn over to see, none other than, Cat herself laying next to me.

"Thank god, I was beginning to think you were dead" She mumbles not bothering to open her eyes.

"You stayed the night?"

"Yeah, I had to make sure you'd be ok" She says like it's obvious.

"But what if you get sick?" I ask starting to feel a little bad.

"Do you feel better?" She asks cracking an eye open.

"Yeah"

"Then it was worth it" She says closing it.

Aww. She's so sweet she almost makes me want to hug Jade. Ok... I lied, **nothing** could ever make me feel that way. But she's still adorably sweet.

"That's sweet" I breathe out.

"Mmhm..." She mumbles shifting a little.

She has really nice shoulders. Well I mean, her entire body (all that I've felt) is amazing but I've never realized how nice her shoulders are until now. All smooth and flawless... and... bare.

"Cat..." I rasp.

"What?" She mumbles again.

"Do you sleep naked?"

"Always. Why?"

Dear god... I just slept... in bed... with Cat... and she's naked. Right next to me. Touching me.

"Um... so... that's your arm touching mine... right?" I swallow hard.

"No" She yawns.

Sweet mother of all things good and holy...

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asks. My eyes meet her now open ones.

"Huh...?" Yes Tori, that's exactly how to tell Cat that you're not enjoying her tits on your arm. Jesus when did I become such a horndog... oh yeah, when I met Cat.

"Why are you-oh my god Tori!" She says suddenly flying back and off the bed with a thud. I immediately spring off of my side of the bed as Cat grabs the top sheet to cover herself when she stands up.

"Are you ok?" I ask.

"Am I ok? You were just feeling me up in my sleep!" She yells.

"What? I was not! You were the one who decided to sleep naked." I yell back.

"Oh so because I always sleep naked, that's just automatic invitation for you to grope me?"

"Well I wouldn't mind but you're over exaggerating. I was laying there and you were laying there and we just happened to be touching. Jesus Cat, I have my moments but I am far from a sex offender." I say slightly annoyed.

"You wouldn't mind?" She says with a smirk.

"Wouldn't mind what?"

"You just said you wouldn't mind groping me"

"What? No I didn't."

"Yeah... you did" She says trying not to laugh.

Did I honestly just admit that I'd like to feel Cat up? Well, more than I already have? No... I couldn't have. Sure I may say the most ridicules things at times, but even I know that I'd never actually admit that to her... no matter how much I actually want to.

"No I didn't" You fucking idiot you totally did.

"Pretty sure you said you wouldn't mind groping me"

"That's not what I said" I would absolutely love to grope you among other things.

"Ok then, what exactly did you say?"

"I said... that I wouldn't mind you staying over" So I can feel your boobies like the pervert I'm turning in to.

"Right, you wouldn't mind me staying over because I sleep naked?"

"No" Absolutely.

"You are so frustrating sometimes." Cat says shaking her head.

"Yupp, so I'll go make breakfast or something while you get dressed" I say before dashing out of my room.

Yeah, that was a close one.

…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

"You're going to make me fat"

"You could've stopped eating."

"No I couldn't have. You know you're amazing right?"

"That's what I'm told" I laugh.

When did you learn to cook? You used to be terrible at it" Cat says.

"Freshmen year I took a culinary class." I say putting our plates into the sink.

"Well it definitely helped. Hey have you seen my phone?" She asks looking around.

"No, but lucky for you..." I say pulling out my phone. "I have you on speed dial"

"No, Tori don't-"

"_Wind you up and make you crawl to me,_

_Tie you up until you call to me._

_Wind you up and make you crawl to me,_

_Tie you up until you call to me."_

This blares from somewhere back in my bedroom and I'm surprised I could even keep my jaw from hitting the floor. She avoids eye contact as this plays over and over again.

"You uh... you gonna get that?" I ask.

"Yeah." She says awkwardly as she heads into my room.

"Oh look I found it, so I'm just gonna go... bye" She says as she exists my room. She's even more awkward than before and literally sprints out my door.

So... she thinks _I'm_ a horny pervert and _that's _her ring tone for me? _That's_ how she thinks of me? You know... I think I'm actually ok with that. I'm ok with it...

And I like it.

…**... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...**

**Hello again my Lotus Blossoms. **

**So, I know a lot didn't happen in this chapter, but I wanted to be sure to get a chapter out today. Which brings me to, sorry for such a late update.**

**Anyway, I'm going to try and get some more writing in this week and not be lazy. But, I've also come to a bit of a writers block in this story (Which explains the lack of creativity and lateness this chapter), so bare with me till I can clear it.**

**Moving on to you wonderful people that I get to come onto contact with:**

**Ginger92: There will definitely be more of Trina's husband in the future. I just had to make sure you all knew that she found someone who actually liked her first.**

**Vampiree98: I'm beginning to like your retarded seal impression.**

**Zinzu: Ah, my darling Zinzu, I could never forget you. You also flatter me my friend. **

**Lebensender: Well I'm glad I could amuse you. That was probably my favorite scene to write.**

**Valie: Holy crap, thank you so much for pointing that out. I immediately fixed it after I read your review. **

**Meaghan Gibson: Well I'm glad to have made your day Ms. Gibson. Reading your review made mine.**

**Alright loves, that's all for this chapter. Help me clear my writers block. Reviews = Love, so spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	10. Just Relax, and Breathe

****Before we start, I don't know why these random parts in the chapter are in bold, but fanfiction won't let me fix it... however if it's fixed by the time you read this A/N, then ignore this message. Just know that any bold parts are not special or emphasized, they're just technical difficulties. ****

**…**... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...****

**I am amazing.**

**It's official, I am the most amazing person ever. My drawing of Cat looks... perfect. Who would've thought that I'd ever actually be passing this class? I sure didn't.**

**You know, I think Cat's more amazing than I am. She's definitely more amazing than anyone I've ever met. After all, she's the only reason I'm passing this class anyway. I barely talked to her about my problem and within a day she found a solution. For three years no adviser or teacher had a clue of how to help me, but then this random figure model fixes it with just a few hours of staring at the ceiling. I know we didn't give her much credit for being smart in high school, but she really is brilliant. I don't know what I'd do without her. **

Anyway, I'm actually in figure arts right now. I'm making up for missing class on Monday. I know it's only been two days since I was sick, but that NyQuil soup really hits the spot. You'd never guess I was even sick.

"You about done?" I hear Mrs. Grow ask.

"Yupp. Just got finished." I say.

"It's turning out really great Tori. I had no idea that you were so talented" She says admiring my work. "All you need now are her face and... you probably don't want me to say it do you?"

"No"

"You're gonna have to look at them sometime. It's what distinguishes us from men. Breasts and a vag-"

"NO MORE." I yell covering my ears.

"Ok, ok. But just be aware that this is due on Saturday. My advice is to just relax and breathe." She says chuckling.

"I know, it will be, and ok." I say. She pats my shoulder and returns to her desk.

I know ok... I still haven't drawn Cat's boobies or her v-... her... you know. Because that means that I have to _touch_ them. Believe me, I've always known that I'd eventually have to, I've just ignored it. Those are some... really intimate places we're talking here. I mean I can't just motorboat her then finger bang her and act like It was just another day.

Sweet Lord... that would be so hot.

Who am I kidding, Cat's body would be like a fucking playground for me. And if you knew me as a child, you'd know that I explored every inch of that thing until there was nothing untouched. And... and... Victoria did you really just turn yourself on in the middle of your classroom **with** your adviser at her desk?

Awkward...

"Are you ok?" Mrs. Grow asks from her desk.

"Uh... yeah... bye" I say before scrambling out of the room.

Tori... that is messed up.

…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

**Not everything is as it's perceived. **

**I don't usually think about serious things like this, but for some reason, I can't get it off my mind. If you're wondering what exactly I'm talking about, let me fill you in.**

**Trina.**

**She would probably love the fact that I'm thinking about her and ask me to indulge in it more. Trina may be more selfless, but she still has a little of her selfish side left in her. Anyway, the reason why I'm thinking of Trina on a day that I'm supposed to be recuperating, is because... well... I think... I think I miss her. I know, pigs must be flying or hell is frozen over but I really do. As much of bitch as she can be or as annoying as she was at times, there were a lot of things that people didn't see growing up. As ****much as I "hated" her, I also loved her. Sure, at first I blamed it all on the fact that I had to love her ****because she was my sister, but at one point in high school, it finally hit me that I really did. I couldn't imagine life without her.**

**Trina wasn't the best sister to me, but all that she put me through when I was younger made me into ****who I am today. I think I turned out pretty ok. **

**Anyway, back to what I was saying, not everything is as it's perceived. There were these moments... ****these few and rare moments when it was like time stopped just to let us confide in each other. We were each others backup. We knew that if it came to it, we would always be there for each other. I know this sounds like a fictional story out of a mental health institution, but I'm telling the truth.**

**I think that something inside Trina did know how much people hated her. That's probably the only reason I put up with her in high school. I felt bad for her. Sometimes she would come home and I would see the look on her face and I would just ****_know_**** that she needed me. **

**My parents never even saw that side of us. We would usually go up to her or my room if they were home and Trina would vent. Not like when she was upset about an audition, I mean when she was upset with life. She would always put her head in my lap and cry for hours. Then I would rub her back and tell her it would all be ok in the end. And it didn't just go one way, if I was ever legitimately upset about something, ****_I_**** would be the one crying ****_she'd_**** be the one comforting me. **

**It's no question that Trina was depressed. Not just the usual teenage depression, I mean clinically depressed. We never went to a doctor and she never even told my parents that she was feeling that way. Thinking back to it, I should've said something. She never did anything drastic and it wasn't a severe case, at least I think it wasn't, but she was definitely depressed. I know you'd never really guess in a million years that Trina, of all people, was depressed. But I mean, if you really thought about it, how obsessed she was with herself and her facade that she was perfect... it was all because she was so broken in reality. **

**Man... I hate being deep when I don't need to be. I guess I just miss the closeness of those times. I never really found out if she got out of that.**

**Maybe I should call her. Yeah... I mean it couldn't hurt right?**

**"****_Hello, "Perfect in Every Way "speaking"_**

**Remember, more selfless but ****_still_**** selfish.**

**"Hey Trina..."**

**"_Oh hey younger and less hot version of me!" _****She says excitedly. Oh jeeze.**

**"Yeah... uh... how are you?" I ask awkwardly.**

**"_I'm perfect duh, how are you?"_**

**"I'm... fine. I just wanted to call because I was thinking about you and-"**

**"_OMG YOU WERE THINKING OF ME?" _****Trina screams in my ear as I rip my phone away. I swear being pregnant just made her louder.**

**"_Tori that is so sweet! That's the best way to use your brain I swear. And you even called me because of it!" _****Says at a mile a minute. Nice going you idiot. You just ****_had_**** to tell her that you were thinking about her.**

**"Yeah, I guess I did." I say with fake enthusiasm.**

**"_Well good. Now what's the real reason you called?" _****Her voice suddenly getting serious.**

**"What makes you think there's an ulterior motive?"**

**"_Well one; You're using words I don't understand, and two; I know you Tori. I can hear it in your voice. Something's wrong."_**

**Remember, ****_more_**** selfless but still selfish.**

**"Nothing's wrong, I just wanted to make sure you were ok being all pregnant and stuff" I say. And I am. There's nothing wrong, I just wanna make sure that she's ok.**

**"_Please Tori, it may be hard to believe, but we come from the same genetics. You have a self centered part of you too. You may think that you called to talk to me but you really just want to vent, so spill"_**

**Oh my gosh. She's ridicules! I honestly called to talk about her and her feelings and here she is ****accusing ****_me_**** of being self centered? **

**"I feel like what I'm doing is pointless. Like I'm in the same damn rut I was in after I graduated high school. I used to be someone there you know? And now I feel like I've completely lost that person. I ****know what I wanna do with my life but I feel like what I'm going through to get there isn't worth it. I just feel..."**

**"_Alone" _****Trina finishes for me.**

**"Yeah." Tori you dirty liar. So much for your good heart and selflessness.**

**"_Tori it's ok, you're absolutely not who you were in high school" _****She says sweetly.**

**"Well gee thanks Trina. That's exactly what I wanted to hear." I say sarcastically.**

**"_Well when I finish it will be. Tori , you haven't lost who you are at all, you just grew. You've grown into a mature young women who I am proud to call my sister. You realized that you can't fix everything by singing a song or pleasing people. This is the real world and you're embracing it exactly how you're supposed to. If you wanna find yourself, just look in the mirror. And if you still can't see then call me and I'll remind you. Look at how far you've come. I get to tell people that my baby sister is an artist. _**

**_Tori you should see how insane people go when I show them some on your work. You're gonna be big one day and then you'll see that it was totally worth it. You love it Tori and if not for you, then keep at it for me. I mean, I get to tell people that I'm related to this incredibly talented artist Tori Vega. It's a privilege and I'm so, so proud of you. You got this Tori, just relax and breathe."_**

**I don't answer her. How can I? See what I mean? This is what I was talking about when I meant that we had our moments. I live for these.**

**"_You're crying aren't you?"_**

**"Shut up" I whimper.**

**"_Oh yeah, big sister's still got it"_**

**…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...**

"I can't do this."

"Yes you can. It's no different than the last time."

"No different? You do realize these are your tits right?"

"Yes, believe me I'm quite aware."

If you haven't already figured out, tonight's our last study session, and also the glorious session were I get to feel Cat... completely. Sure, I may have been perving all over this earlier, but let me share something with you that popped up after my freshmen year.

Stage fright.

Yes, I Victoria Vega get stage fright. It wasn't until figure arts happened that I had it. Seeing someone naked along with the pressure to detail _everything _was just too much for me. Still is...

"I... I can't. You know it bothers me." I whine.

"Well it didn't bother you a few days ago." And at that I can almost here the smirk she has on her face.

"That was different"

"One and the same. Unless you're trying to tell me that you really do have a kinky side. After all, I was asleep."

Damn you Cat Valentine.

"No... it was just... more comfortable I guess"

"Alright... well what would make you more comfortable?" She asks.

Tearing off my clothes while you rub yourself in hot oil.

Holy fuck I did not just think that...

"I don't know.." I trail off, trying to ignore my previous thought.

"Hmm..." She thinks. "Well... what made you want to touch James... in those places." She asks carefully.

Well that's easy. "I was horny". FUCKING DAMNIT YOU SAID THAT OUT LOUD!

"Ok then" Cat says. "Let's get you horny"

"Wait.. what does that-" Well, I almost got that out. Yes, in the time it took for me to start that sentence, Cat pressed her lips onto mine. I love it when she does that...

At first it starts slow. Just lips pressed together. I'm still nervous as hell but I can feel it starting to melt away with the way her hand is brushing over my stomach... oh... her hand's inside my shirt.

"Relax" She whispers against my lips.

It may seem stupid to let out a sigh when someone's lips are pressed against yours but I'm actually quite glad I did, because her tongue is amazing. Our tongues battle each other for a little while longer when I hear probably the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my entire life.

She moaned.

It was beautiful. So soft yet it's ringing in my ears.

And dear god her ass is amazing. Its... I can't tell you when my hands got there but... everything's all... tingly... and hot.

And then, yet another amazing sound, the sound of my zipper going down. I should really be paying more attention because I don't even remember her undoing the button, but I am not at all complaining. She's making me feel things that I haven't felt in a long time and I don't want it to stop.

She slides my jeans down as much as possible without taking her lips of mine. With a few creative little dance moves and shuffles they end up at my ankles. Cat then pushes me back a little, telling me to walk backward, till I feel the couch on the back of my knees. From there we slowly descend onto it, careful not to break the kiss, till I'm sitting and she's straddling me.

This is... I can't even... we were talking five minutes ago and now we're making out on my couch. Cat's naked and my pants are at my ankles. How is this not the best day of my life?

Cat unexpectedly pulls back and I hear her take a huge breathe. Well yeah, I'm out of breathe too but not that bad.

"Do you uh..." She clears her throat. "Do you wanna t-touch me now?" She stutters. Maybe I'm not the only one this is effecting. And I do... I wanna touch her so bad it hurts.

"Uh huh" I breathe.

At hearing that she then takes my hands, off her ass might I add, and places them onto her shoulders.

"Touch me" She whispers.

And I do. My hands waste no time in cascading down her shoulders to what matters most. I'm a little hesitant at first... but after a moment my hands slide down over her breasts and stop.

Wow.

Yeah... that's really all I can say. She's amazing. I mean... they're perfect. They fit just right in my hands and... her nipples are** a lot **harderthan I expected. I know I shouldn't play... but this is for school... right?

I slowly start to knead my fingers into her and that's when I hear it. Remember when I said that her moan was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard? Well this single handedly just blew that out of the water.

Her breath hitched. It was small but it was noticeable.

"Do you... are you getting what you need?" Cat says trying to sound normal.

"Yeah" I rasp. That and much more.

That's when I decide to take things to the next level. Mind you, my eyes are still closed like they have been through this entire thing, but again, she was right when she said that touch was just as good, if not better. Anyway, I slowly remove the palms of my hands from her but I let my fingers dance around for a little longer before I take a huge risk.

What's this risk? Well, this could cause her to slap me across the face or cause her to enjoy is just as much as I am.

I slowly trail my index fingers and thumbs to her erect nipples. From there I get a hold of both and put a light pressure on them. I hear her whimper and that urges me to go on. I pinch and roll them between my fingers as she lets out a few more whimpers.

"I... I-think... you got it" Cat barely gets out. And just like that, I let go. Cat lets out a few shaky breaths, trying to calm herself down.

So I guess we move on right? I mean, that's what she's implying.

I start at her stomach. My hands slowly run down till I'm met with what I'm sure is the start of the whole different area.

Can I be honest? I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never done anything like this with a girl before. I'm still nervous from earlier but I... this just feels so good. I know I 'm letting my hormones control me right now, but I don't want to stop them. I know this is the wrong way to do it... I know that I'm taking advantage of the situation... but I don't think I can stop myself.

I... I want her so bad.

And that's when my hand skips the teasing and goes right for her... more so cupping her but at the same time flat. She lets out a sob that I know she was desperately trying to suppress.

"T-Tori... this is getting... y-you shouldn't-" But she's cut off when I start stroking over her. It's a small bundle of nerves but it has a huge impact on the body. And she shivers every time my fingers run over it.

And my god she is so wet. My hand is slick with her by now. Yeah, she's definitely feeling the way I am.

"O-ok Tori... that's enough" She whimpers.

But it's like I don't even hear her. The wetness pooling between my own legs is overriding anything she says.

My eyes open. They're trained onto her face though and her eyes are right on mine. Her face is flushed and she's broken out in a sweat. _I _did that.

And _I_ want to take her so bad.

This is so wrong... this shouldn't happen like this. She asked me to stop but... I can't. My lust is out of control and all I can think about is how I want my mouth all over her. This is so unlike me, but I've never felt this strongly to do something as absurd as this in my entire life.

So with my hand twitching under her and my conscience fading, I do it.

I slip a finger so easily into her.

And let me tell you... the look on her face when I did it made me feel bad and want it even more at the same time. She was completely surprised at my intrusion but she didn't move. She allowed me to stay inside her while she tried to sort her thoughts out. But I don't want that. I want to see her writhe.

God... what is happening to me? It's like this beast was unleashed inside of me and now I can't control it.

And then I push into her a little more. She gasps and her hands fly to my shoulders to keep herself steady. Here eyes are downcast, trying to process what I just did. But believe me Cat, feeling is a lot better than thinking.

I pull my finger out and see her abdominal muscles twitch, then I slide it back in. And I continue this. In and out as she repeatedly gasps, like I'm squeezing the air out of her. Her face contorts in a look of pleasure and slight confusion as I continue to watch her. She looks up for a brief moment, like she's going to say something but I don't let her. I slide a second digit into her to silence her and it does. Her mouth is open, but more in a silent cry of pleasure.

Then she moans. It's exasperated but it's a moan. And then her mouth closes. Right there, she submitted to it. To _me._

"Faster" She whispers. And I do. I pull my fingers back out and push them in faster.

I watch her the entire time. Drinking this all in. Her face... her emotions... how her wetness is running down my hand... how good she feels.

"Oh god Tori..." She trails off. Hearing her say my name just makes me go faster. To the point of where her breasts are starting to bounce with the rhythm of my hand. I can't see them, but I can tell my the way the skin of her upper chest stretches.

I can't even... I can't... what am I even doing right now?

In the mixture of all my thoughts I just... snap. My head dips and my mouth latches onto to left nipple as my left hand finds her hip to steady her more. I suck, I bite, I nip... hell I don't even know half the stuff I did to it. Cat finally cries out as my tongue starts swirling around it.

"T-Tori! I'm gonna-" That's all she yells out before I pull back and watch as her jaw falls slack and she tightens around my fingers. Her head falls back as she screams out in pleasure and her hips buck against my slowing hand.

She collapses onto me breathing heavily and completely spent.

Oh my god... what the fuck did I just do to her...

We sit like that for a few minutes till she's able to move off me and I'm able to pull my fingers out.

I can't... I can't believe I just did that.

We sit in silence for little while before I turn to her to... apologize I guess. I have no idea why I let myself lose control like that. I want to tell her that I feel terrible for just, taking advantage of her like that, but I never get the chance.

Cat's mouth crashes onto mine and she starts tearing off my panties. My eyes close because even though I should see her, we both know I can't.

When she successfully gets them off, along with my jeans, she pulls back.

"Bedroom" is all that she says before we both leap off my couch (her leading me) and scramble into my bedroom. My pitch black bedroom that I can open my eyes in.

The minute the door shuts Cat and I make quick work of my shirt and bra. She shoves me onto my bed and instantly covers my naked body with hers. And it... feels... amazing.

Her lips are instantly back on mine and our hands are all over each other. I mean, running through each others hair, nails dragging down our sides, hands one the backs of our necks. Everywhere. And god does it feel so good.

Cat's hand keeps running down my chest, then to my stomach, and stopping just before... what, just because I'm having sex does not excuse the fact that I still can't say those words. I growl in frustration the millionth time she does it and she giggles.

"Stop teasing and-" I try say through the kiss but she cuts me off by biting down on my lip. Which, needless to say, stops my sentence where it is.

From there Cat does exactly as I wanted. She stops teasing and drags her hand right to the source of my frustration. She simply starts a slow circular motion and my hips buck every time she runs that sensitive bundle of nerves.

"God Tori, you're so wet for me" She moans letting go of my lip.

Holy fuck she dirty talks? My life is perfect. Why on earth was I so upset earlier? Cat talks dirty when she has sex, so my life is perfect.

"I wanna hear you say my name" Cat demands.

"H-huh?" I stutter.

"Say my name." She repeats. Tori you say her name and you say it hard.

"Cat" I groan as her fingers run over me again.

"Again" She says running her fingers over my opening.

"Cat" I whimper. How I went from a groan to a whimper beats me.

"Again"She says a little louder.

"Ca-AT" It started as a whimper, but ended as a loud moan as half way through her name, she slipped a finger inside me.

Oh my god... how is this even... Ok, James and I fooled around a lot, but this in a league of it's own.

She starts up a slow rhythm in and out while my moans fill the room. She whispers the most obscene things into my ear the entire time and occasionally giggles at the things she's does to me. I can only imagine how I made her feel if _this_ is what she does to me.

My breathing grows more ragged and tired and I guess she didn't like the sound of that because then she growled and added a second finger.

"God Cat..." I moan as my back arches, pushing our breasts together.

Cat moans at that and then straddles my leg before grinding against it roughly. Feeling that sends my body into an overload. I writhe as she curls her fingers, not being able to stay still, and let out a strangled moan. I'm not gonna last much longer.

"You like that?" She purrs into my ear.

"God yes..." I moan as she does it again.

Between her grinding on my thigh (completely slick with her) and her heavy breathing in my ear, I'm not sure which one brings me to what I know is going to be the best orgasm in my life. I can feel myself start to clench around her fingers, which only makes her go faster, and my hands attach themselves roughly to her breasts... you know... just in case I missed a spot earlier.

"O-oh my god" Cat whimpers as she starts bucking her hips in an involuntary rhythm.

"Oh god... Cat... CAT!" I scream as I smash into my climax.

My eyes shut tight and explosions of colors soar behind my eyelids. My hands bear down on Cat's breasts as we both spasm into ecstasy. Our moans mix and intertwine and my back arches into it.

After what seems like forever, my entire body relaxes and my back hits the mattress, followed by Cat collapsing onto me after I move my hands. My arms wraps around her as we both ride out the aftershocks of one hell of an orgasm.

About ten minutes after the both of us come down from our high, breathing heavy and covered in sweat, Cat manages to roll off of me. Good... I was getting hot. I forgot how much of a workout that that is.

Oh god... what did we just do...

You know what, no. Don't think Tori. Don't let yourself think about what just happened. Just relax, and breathe. We'll cross that bridge in the morning and you can have it out then. Your thoughts can wait.

Just relax, and breathe.

…**... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …..**

**So, I'm just gonna go ahead and assume that after this chapter, you guys forgive me for my lack of creativity and late update last chapter. **

**Anyway, hello my Lotus Blossoms. **

**So... quite the chapter huh? I've never liked writing sex scenes and personally I feel this one was a tad choppy, but I was actually ok with it. It turned out how I wanted it to. Sort of... eh. Anyway, if it's not quite up to par, just let me state that it's been 8 months since I've written a decent sex scene, so be nice.**

**I know you guys weren't really expecting that, but it was planned for some time. And also a lot of you suck because you guessed that it would happen in this chapter.**

**Speaking of you lovely reviewers:**

**SuperGravyMan: I love you're the one to pick out all the comments that could possibly sound dirty. Don't make me blush in front of my computer. Oh and BABY I LIKE IT!**

**Regan4567: Well as you see my dear Regan, that was exactly my choice, dang you for figuring me out.**

**Gulps29: Seriously, you people and figuring me out. I thought I was better hidden than that... hmm...**

**IamSoAwesomeSauce: Best. Review. Ever. **

**And Rydr: Ms. and I thank you Sir (Or Ma'am, I don't judge). Haha. **

**Alrighty then loves, that's all for this chapter. Always remember, Reviews = Love. So spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	11. Big Mistake

**I again apologize for the random bold parts. I'm still working on getting that fixed.**

**…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...**

**Fear.**

**I don't think you ever really grow out of it. You're always afraid of something at one point in your life. Whether it be spiders, nudity, death, or something as stupid as opening your eyes. Yeah well, out of all the above, I'm having the most trouble with the opening your eyes one. **

**Last night was... well it was amazing to say the least, but it also shouldn't have happened. We were just supposed to study and maybe watch a movie. Granted I studied like I was taking a citizenship test, so I know I'll definitely finish my sketch, but it went way too far. I mean... Cat and I... we... oh Jesus...**

**The more I think about it the worse I feel. I've never lost control... no, I didn't lose control, I ****_let_**** myself go out of control. There were plenty of times that I thought about what I was doing and how I should stop, but I ignored them all. In that moment, all I cared about was what I was feeling. What I wanted. And now I feel terrible about it. I took advantage of her. I already knew she was naked but after she started getting... how should I say this... aroused...? Right well, anyway, after that my body just responded to her. I wanted... needed her. It had nothing to do with being intimate, it was pure lust driving me to get what I wanted. **

**And I got it... boy did I get it. I know I'm giving all the negatives about last night, but I don't feel like I should indulge in anything positive. But maybe I'll allow it... just for a bit.**

**Ok so, she's a freaking goddess in bed. Sure, James and I had plenty of sex, but Cat just has these certain... things that she does. I mean, you heard the dirty talk right? You heard that? Yes? IT WAS HOT. James and I never did that because it sounded stupid... but my god, Cat makes it genius. Oh! And the way she touched me... she should be going to school to be a masseuse. Light touches at all the right places, harsher ones when she felt I needed it (and I did). God she makes me wanna tie myself to the bed so she can- OK THAT'S ENOUGH INDULGING. **

**Anyway...**

**Back to what I was saying, I'm afraid to open my eyes. It's the morning after and I'm afraid to "wake up" and see her looking at me with tear filled eyes, explaining how I stripped her of any innocence she had left and that now I've ruined her life. Then there's the alternate fantasy where she wakes me up with hot sex because she can't get last night out of her head. God I hope it's the latter...**

**I take a deep breathe and quickly open my eyes. It's like ripping of a band-aid right?**

At first I stare blankly at my ceiling before slowly turning my head left to see... an empty bed. What? Did she really leave? You have sex and then you leave in the morning? What is this shit? Oh wait... that's her phone on the nightstand. I wonder when she went to get it...

Eh, not important. Right now I should probably get dressed annnnnnnd is that bacon I smell?

Thank god I had enough common sense to throw on clothes before I ran out of my room in search of food. Nothing fancy, just a tanktop and boxer shorts. And before you ask, no I do not wear them as actual underwear. They're just so comfortable to sleep in.

"Oh, thank god you're awake. I thought you were dead." Cat says getting two plates out of one of my cabinets.

"Why would you think that?" I ask.

"You really want me to answer that?" She says with a smirk.

"Hey, I'm physically capable of handling quite a bit thank you." I defend.

"Yeah well I know that now." She laughs.

Huh... are we actually joking about last night? I guess I didn't think that things could actually turn out fine.

"So... is that bacon I smell?" I ask.

"Bacon, eggs, and toast" She says loading up our plates.

Wow... maybe I should do her more often-dangit Tori, no. Just no.

"Wow.." I trail off.

"Yeah, go sit and I'll be right there." She says.

I nod and head into my living room where I plop down on my couch and wait not so patiently. What? I'm hungry. This is normal after such a vigorous activity as last nights.

I glance around for a little bit before settling my sights on my coffee table. Things are a bit blurry when I wake up and usually I'd just go get my glasses but I think I'd rather stare at blurry objects to pass time.

… ok my head hurts, glasses it is.

I get up and head into my room before emerging a few seconds later with my second set of eyes on. I sit back on my couch and continue looking around. Ah, the bliss of clear vision. Very clear... like clear enough to see that Cat's clothes from yesterday are still on my living room floor. Ok... I know I may be blind in the morning, but I'm sure as hell not blind enough to miss nudity.

Just as that thought ends, Cat comes out of my kitchen with two plates of food, not naked might I add. I think I actually prefer this over _her_ clothes. Yeah, she's wearing a pair of my boxer shorts and one of my white tanktops. Hmm... nothing says "We totally did it" like that does right there. And the fact that we match is just a fat bonus. And hot.

Just as Cat sets the plates down on my coffee table she glances up at me and then does a double take.

"What are you wearing?" She asks slowly.

"Clothes...?"

"No... on your face."

"Glasses... why do I look like a total nerd?" I ask starting to panic.

"No..." She trails off awkwardly.

"Ok..." I say just as awkward. Strange child.

After that she disappears back into my kitchen and then re-emerges with two cups of milk. I didn't even know I had all this food.

... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

"Can you roll me to my room?"

"No, waddle there yourself"

I ate so much. I seriously might explode. She's always been amazing in the kitchen (and in bed apparently... hehe), and this just further proves it. If she keeps feeding me like this I'm gonna have to go up another belt size. Man I feel so fat...

"That was amazing" I say with a sigh.

"It was" Cat says glancing at our empty plates on my coffee table.

"Yupp..." I trail off awkwardly.

"Ok so... I don't really know how to start this" Cat says furrowing her eyebrows. Cat I have four belts and four perfectly good bed posts in my room, just ask and I will start this so hard.

Are you fucking serious Tori? Really?

"Well, I always say when you don't know how to say something, the best method is blunt force trauma. Hit me with it." If "it" is your lips-TORI. We are having a serious mental talk when Cat goes home.

"Ok well... can you take those off?" She asks pointing to my glasses. Why are those bothering her so much?

"Uh... sure" I say taking them off and setting them on the coffee table.

"Thanks. Anyway, last night was..." She trails off thinking hard.

"Mind blowing-FUCK!" say realizing I voiced my opinion.

Cat's faced goes from its serious look to a smile as she shakes her head and laughs. Yeah, nice going Vega.

"To say the least, yes. But that's not what I was going to say" She says getting serious again.

"Right, what were you going to say?"

"Well... I don't actually know. I just feel weird about it" She says looking down.

"I know. I do too."

"Do you think it was wrong?"

"I don't thing that the fact that it happened was wrong, but** how** it happened." I say as she looks up at me.

"How it happened?" She questions. Ok Tori, fun's over. Time to bite the bullet.

"Yeah. I uh... I shouldn't of did what I did." Well that was a lame-ass apology.

"You mean the whole, "take me without warning" thing?"

"If you... really wanna call it that." Well... that makes me feel great. Now she thinks you're an asshole too. "I'm-I'm... really sorry." I say focusing on my carpet.

"Why did you do it? " I can hear the confusion in her voice.

"Because I'm an asshole. I was selfish and took advantage of you. I feel terrible about it but... I don't really know what to say. I don't know how to apologize for this." I say quietly.

"Ok stop. Don't beat yourself up over it." Cat says causing me to look at her. "I can't make you feel bad about this when I'm as equal to blame." She says clearly upset with herself.

"Pretty sure I was the one-"

"Tori I've been teasing you for months now. It was inevitable that you'd snap. I didn't necessarily have innocent intentions last night either. I mean, I wasn't expecting sex, but maybe just to get you going." She says cutting me off.

"Wait... you've been purposefully turning me on the past few months... for fun?" I ask monotone.

"Uh... yeah" She says with an innocent smile.

"That's cruel and heartless"

"I know"

"Do you have any idea how crazy you drove me?"

"I figure last night explained it all"

"I feel so used." I say standing up and starting to pace.

"Call it what you want, but you know you enjoyed it too." She says with a shrug.

"Enjoyed it? Do you know how much sleep I lost over that? I can't go to bed horny Cat!" I say starting to ramble.

"You lost sleep over that?" She says with a smile over my rambling.

"Dear god I even masturbated... I never do that!" I continue to ramble.

"I-I made you masturbate?" Cat chokes with wide eyes.

"Ohhhh what? No." I say freezing mid-pace. I hate you Tori. I hate you so much.

"Are you serious?" Cat says smiling. There is no way out of this...

"No one needs to know that." I say shaking my head.

"Right... well, will you come sit down so we can finish talking?" She asks. I nod and sit down next to her.

"So, bottom line, it shouldn't have happened right?" She asks.

"Yeah. And it needs to not happen again. I mean, we're just friends and I don't think I could demote you to fuckbuddy." I say.

"Diddo. Is it ok that I still feel really bad about it though?" She asks.

"Yes because I do too. I think we just got caught up in the moment."

"Yeah, because we don't even like each other like that. It was just our hormones taking control."

"Exactly" I agree.

"So... should we just forget it ever happened?" She asks.

"I don't know. It would probably be best."

"Yeah, I agree. So... that's it then?" She asks.

"I think so. I don't really know how one night stands work." I really don't. I always thought they were so easy and painless the next morning. Yeah not the case here.

"Me neither. The movies make it sound so fun." She says.

"That they do"

"Right... so... I should probably head home. Jade's probably going to freakout and ask who I spent the night with."

Ohfuckjade!

"J-Jade? For the love of god Cat if you care about me in any way please, don't tell Jade." I panic.

"Tori, relax. I don't want her to kill you either. I'll just make something up." She says. Bless you Cat. Bless you for being to kind.

"Ok then..." Great... another awkward goodbye.

"Right... do you mind if I keep these on and give them back to you later?" She asks referring to my clothes she has on.

"Yeah sure" I say.

Cat then nods and gets off the couch. She heads into my room for a moment than comes back out with her cellphone in her hand. She then picks up her clothes and heads to my door. She's really gonna walk out wearing only that? Well it _is_ Cat.

I get up and open my door for her as she walks out.

"Oh and Tori, about the whole, "you masturbating because of me" thing..." She says. I cringe at hearing that.

"Can we not ever mention that again?" I ask.

"This is the last time I promise" She laughs. "I just wanted to say that it's ok"

"Why is it ok?" I ask skeptically.

"Because that's all I did when I thought about you back in high school" She says innocently before turning on her heel and leaving.

Wha... uh... and...

I just want you to know that after I heard her say that I slammed my door, sprinted into my shower, and blasted myself with freezing cold water.

Clothes and all.

…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

"No, you're not fat"

"_How do you know? You can't even see me! What if Bradley leaves me for someone skinny?" _Trina cries.

Yeah. Trina decided to call me on a perfectly good Saturday crying about her weight. She's pregnant, she's going to have to gain some weight. If she has such a problem with weight gain you'd think she would've considered it when she and Brad decided that is was "safe" to not use condoms **or** birth control for a while. Seriously, "Oh I'm out of birth control and you're out of condoms, well, I'm pretty sure I'm not ovulating. Let's do it!" That's my sister for you. Between that and her sugar and olive oil mixture, it's no wonder she got pregnant.

"Trina, Brad loves you regardless of what you look like. You know that" I say trying to calm her down.

"_Tori, my looks are what reeled him in!"_ She whines.

"Yeah but your heart is what kept him. He's not after your looks, he's after what's under all that. You're still the same person right?" I ask.

"_Well... yeah"_

"Exactly. See Trina? He's not going anywhere and if you don't believe me then ask him yourself." I say.

"_Yeah... yeah you're right. He fell in love with my perfection not my shiny hair and flawless curves. I'm gonna go talk to him right now. Thanks Tori!" _She says before hanging up on me.

"You're welcome Trina" I say tossing my phone onto my couch. I love my sister, but dear god I don't know how Brad is surviving her.

Anyway, in other news, I finished my sketch of Cat today. Me along with a few other students went in to the Final Touch-Up (what we call the day semester assignments are due) today and finished. I've got to say, my sketch of Cat is amazing. Flawless even. I was even able to draw her... you know. And of course I finished her face. It's beautiful. The sketch is almost intimate. Like you could feel her skin if you touched it. From every curve to her long wavy hair cascading down her shoulders, it's all perfect. I guess it's mostly because of... that night we do not speak of. She was burned into my memory after that. I really should thank her.

**Speaking of Cat, I haven't heard from her since... that night. She hasn't responded to my texts and I even stopped by once. Rachel just told me that Cat wasn't home. It wasn't too hard to see that she was lying though. I wonder if I did anything wrong. Or maybe she's still getting over... that night we do not speak of. No... I doubt that, Cat's pretty open about her sexual desires so that shouldn't have phased her. I honestly Can't imagine what on earth happened then. Maybe I should talk stop by again...**

**My thoughts are interrupted as someone knocks on my door. I skip over to it, unlock it, than open it to see... a red faced Jade. And if you've considered how pale she is, that's amazing.**

**"What the fuck is your problem?" She growls.**

**"U-Uh..." I whimper. I feel like a scared kitten right now. Small and curled up on a corner. OH GOD SHE'S GONNA KILL ME!**

**Jade literally shoves me into my apartment and then slams the door after she walks in.**

**"Did you hear me Vega? What the fuck did you do?" She says louder.**

**"Jade I don't know what you're talking abou-"**

**"The fuck you don't! What did you do to Cat?" She says sternly. **

**"I didn't do anything" I say starting to tremble. All jokes aside, I'm actually really scared right now. Jade looks like she wants to kill me and knowing Jade, she won't hesitate to lay a few good punches into me before the night ends.**

**"Don't lie to me Vega" She says walking towards me.**

**"I'm not lying, I don't know what you're talking about" I say stumbling back.**

**"What did you do? Did you have sex with her?" She asks in a low tone. **

**"Jade for the millionth time, no. We're just friends." I lie.**

**Big mistake, because then I see Jade pull Cat's cellphone out of her pocket and hold down a button.**

**"_You,  
>Your sex is on fire,<br>Consumed,  
>With what's just transpired"<em>**

**Blasts from my cell phone on my couch. Oops.**

**"Heh... that's another Cat I know. And you just happen to have her cellphone too" I say with a nervous smile.**

**"You sick fuck!" Jade says lunging at me. **

**I've never been athletic, but right now I could be an Olympic gold medalist with how fast I'm running around my apartment from Jade.**

**"Jade!" I yell jumping over my couch."What did I do?" I say as she easily clears it.**

**"You played with her! She's already vulnerable and then you go and take advantage of her. And now my fists are gonna take advantage of your face!" She yells.  
>"She said she was fine!" I say diving over my coffee table.<strong>

**"How can you be such a dumbass! Of course she wasn't fine! Now hold still so I can kick your face in!" She says mirroring my dive. She would've landed on me if I hadn't gotten up and started running again.**

**"Well why was she upset?" I ask as she starts chasing me again.**

**"Don't play that game Vega, you know what's wrong"**

**I'm about to argue with her but... I should really pay attention when running for my life.**

**Yeah, I ran smack into my bedroom door that I really shouldn't have closed and then bounce off and land flat on my back. Needless to say, all the air is knocked out of me and Jade immediately stops and looks down at me.**

**"Do I really even need to comment on that?" She asks.**

**"No" I strain to get out.**

**"Good, because now I only have time to knock your teeth out, we'll save breaking your fragile ribs for ****another day." She says kneeling over me and cocking her fist back. She then grabs a fistful of my shirt and smirks like she's going to enjoy this.**

**"WAIT!" I manage to get out. She pauses her movements and arches an eyebrow.**

**"Can you at least tell me what I did before you break my face?" I ask. She gives me a "I can't believe you" look. "Jade... you're about you beat my face, why would I lie right now?" I ask. She looks at me hard for a bit then decides to answer.**

**"You messed with Cat, Vega. You've known that even in high school if people messed with Cat, I messed with their faces."**

**"I know that, believe me Jade, but how exactly did I mess with Cat?"**

**"God you are so stupid. You took advantage of her when she was vulnerable and had sex with her. That's low Vega. ****_I_**** wouldn't even do that." She says.**

**"I know that Jade, but ****_why_**** was she vulnerable?"**

**"Are you trying to tell me that you don't know?" She asks. Jesus and I'm the stupid one?**

**"Yeah... she was fine before and after. We even talked it through and decided to forget it." I say. Jade's look softens and she unclenches her fists. **

**"She didn't tell you" She says softly, rolling off of her knees and onto her butt.**

**"Didn't tell me what?"I ask sitting up. **

**"Blare was released from prison on Thursday." Jade says flatly. Blair... Blair Blair? The Blair who abused Cat? That Blair?**

**"They called Cat to notify her about the release and she's been locked in her room since. But Rachel told me you stopped by and Cat seemed worse after that so I figured you two had..."**

**"We didn't. Well, not since she found out I mean. She won't talk to me." I say.**

**"Keep trying. If anyone's gonna get her to open up about this it'll probably be you." Jade says.**

**"Alright. Well... are you still gonna kill me?" I ask.**

**"I guess not. I'll save it for another day." Jade says getting up.**

**"Sounds good" I say standing with her.**

**"Sorry about... trying to kill you... and stuff" She says as she walks to my door.**

**"It's ok... I guess. You had every right."**

**"Yeah, I did." She says before she opens my door and leaves. **

**I shut it behind her and take a deep breath. **

**Wow. What else can I really say? Jade just almost killed me and now I know why Cat won't talk to me. The girl who abused her for a year and then blinded her for a year after that is out of prison. But I shouldn't be too worried right? She's thousands of miles away and there's a one hundred mile restraining order on her. How would she even be able to find Cat anyway? See? Nothing to worry about. Of course, I can think that all I want, but Cat will never feel safe. **

**Ok, that settles it, I'm going to see her.**

**…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...**

**"Cat's not here"**

**"Yes she is, her car is in the parking lot"**

**"She took Jade's car"**

**"Jade's is here too"**

**"Then she took my car"**

**"Rachel you don't have a car"**

**This is pointless. I know Cat's here so she might as well forget trying to make me think other wise. I even called Jade to make sure. I'm seeing Cat whether Rachel lets me in, or I tell on her to Jade and Jade makes her let me in. One way or another, I'm seeing Cat today.**

**"She walked" Rachel says annoyed.**

**"I know she's here" I say just as annoyed.**

**"Fine she's here" She gives in.**

**"Ha! I knew it."**

**"But she's busy" **

**Are you serious right now? Really Rachel, really?**

**"Ok then what is she doing?" I groan playing along.**

**"Homework"**

**"Cat doesn't have any." Cat ****_never_**** has homework.**

**"She's sleeping." **

**"You know just as well as I do that Cat can't sleep during the day, no matter how depressed she is." I argue.**

**"Then she's having sex." Rachel says monotone.**

**"With who?" I ask.**

**"She's masturbating" She says.**

**"Oh my gosh, Rachel just let me or..." I trail off.**

**"Or what?"**

**"... I'll tell Jade" I threaten.**

**"Suuure. Because I'm afraid of Jade." She challenges.**

**"Jade!" I yell only to have Rachel's hand immediately slapped over my mouth.**

**"Ok ok, get in" She says quickly.**

**"Yay" I say stepping into the apartment. I make my way to Cat's door as Rachel glares at me. I don't even knock, I just let myself into her dark room and close the door. **

**I see her on her bed... asleep. Wow... she ****_is _****that depressed. Well, maybe I can cheer her up. I walk over to her bed and lean down a little. She's so cute when she's asleep. Like a little kitten. Who I'd like to pet. Oh yes... heavy petting indeed... dammit Tori.**

**I quickly shake those thoughts out of my head, then lean down closer to her. I tap her on the shoulder but she doesn't move. She must really be out.**

**"Cat" I whisper shaking her a little. Big mistake...**

**"BACK OFF BITCH!" She screams as she drills her elbow back... right into my crotch. **

**After tears instantly spring into my eyes and I let out a well deserved groan, she takes advantage of my hunched over position and sprays something into my eyes. HOLY FUCK IT BURNS!**

**"Sweet tap-dancing Jesus!" I say flailing on to my back and having a very well deserved spas attack. "OH GOD, OH GOD IT BURNS!" I scream/cry.**

**"What the... oh my god, Tori?" Cat exclaims turning on a light.**

**"THE DEVIL PISSED IN MY EYES, IT BURNS!" I say rolling around her floor.**

**"Oh god... Tori I'm so sorry! I didn't... I'm sorry!" Cat panics.**

**"LAVA! LAVA IN MY EYES!"**

**…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...**

**"Again, I am so sorry"**

**"..."**

**"I've been on edge lately"**

**"..."**

**"Are you mad? Seriously I can't tell if your mad your face is all puffy."Cat says worried.**

**"Puffy gold Cat, puffy gold" Jade says taking a picture.**

**"Jade, go away" I groan.**

**"No way Vega, I wouldn't miss you with a fat face and ice on your crotch of they were giving out free scissors next door" Jade says poking my face.**

**"Jade stop it" Cat says slapping her hand away. "Although it is kind of funny..."**

**"Just know, if I knew where you both were, I would be glaring at you right now" I say.**

**Yeah so earlier, of course all the commotion in Cat's caused Jade to burst in with Rachel in tow. After they realized that Cat wasn't being murdered, Jade started laughing hysterically while Rachel dragged ****me out of the room and into the kitchen. Apparently she's pre-med at some random collage, so she immediately took over and shoved my face under the faucet in the kitchen. From there I continued to cry as Cat got a bag of ice for me. Eventually I settled on the couch and have been laying here ever since. Which is about a half an hour. **

**"Still blind?" Cat asks.**

**"Yes" I answer.**

**"Yeah that should wear off within the next half hour. Here let me freshen that cloth" Rachel says taking the washcloth off of my eyes. Yupp, still blind.**

**"I am never waking you up ever again." I say adjusting the ice pack with a wince. I know I'm a girl, but I'm pretty sure Cat sharpens her elbows.**

**"Yeah... just until I feel better at least" Cat says patting my arm. "I'll go get another bag of ice" She says before I hear her shuffle off.**

**"Well, I guess it's good thing you two rocked the boat before today huh?" Jade says and I can absolutely hear the smirk on her face.**

**"Jade, shut up." I say. I would say I'm blushing but I don't think you could see it.**

**"What? If you can't say it then someone has to. The beast with two backs is a beautiful thing." She says.**

**"I really wish I wasn't afraid to punch you in the face" I say monotone.**

**"If only, if only." Jade says before tapping my forehead and walking away.**

**"I hate my life" I say.**

**"And this is the best day of mine" I hear Jade say before a door closes.**

**"Here's you're washcloth" Rachel says laying it over my eyes. Oh that's nice...**

**"And your bag of ice" Cat says dropping it onto my crotch.**

**"Jesus Cat" I groan.**

**"Oh yeah... sorry." She says and I'm sure there's an innocent smile somewhere in there.**

**"Well, I'm not needed here anymore so I'm gonna head down to The Hot Spot" Rachel says before I hear another door close.**

**"Gymnophobia"**

**"What did you call me?" I ask Cat.**

**"No no, it's the name of your phobia. Gymnophobia, the fear of nudity." She says.**

**"Oh..." I trail off.**

**"Yeah..."**

**Well this is awkward. No point in stopping now that we're on a roll.**

**"Jade knows." I say.**

**"Knows what?"**

**"That you two played sheet tag!" We hear from Jade's room.**

**"Oh" Cat says self-consciously. **

**"Yeah... she thought that I took advantage of you in your current state so she visited me earlier to tear my face off." I say.**

**"Oh... sorry about that" She says with a laugh.**

**"Yeah. Cat, you know you can trust me right?" I ask.**

**"Yeah, of course."**

**"With anything, even the things you can't accept for yourself"**

**"I know."**

**"Then why didn't you tell me about Blair?" I ask. " You've been avoiding me this whole week."**

**"I know. I'm sorry. I just... I needed to sort things out I guess. It didn't work, but I felt like I needed to try by myself" She says.**

**"You should let me help. Maybe I can shed some light or at least comfort you." I say.**

**"I might just take you up on that offer. Actually... I'm definitely taking you up on that offer after today. ****I'm out of control" She says**

**"I agree. We'll start by getting rid of the pepper spray."**

**"Agreed" She laughs. "Well, let's talk about it more in the morning. It's late." **

**"But I still can't see."**

**"I know, you're staying here, in my room." She says taking my hand and pulling me up.**

**"Bow chika wow wow" Jade sings from her room.**

**"Good Night Jade!" Cat yells leading me into her room... and then into a wall.**

**Anyway, after struggling to get me changed into the clothes Cat borrowed from me to sleep in, falling down twice, and swallowing toothpaste because Cat thought she could tickle me while brushing my teeth, we finally got to bed. She was of course, naked, but now I don't really mind. All I care about is sleeping all this pain off. My crotch and my eyes still hurt like hell.**

**"Again... I'm sorry about everything." Cat says laying next to me.**

**"It's ok. It's a day to remember." I say with a yawn. **

**Just like ever other day I spend with you..." Cat says quietly.**

**"What?" Though I clearly heard her.**

**"What? Nothing, goodnight" Cat rushes out.**

**You know what? Even though I'm in all this pain and things usually get awkward and go wrong with Cat and I, I agree with her. And to be quite honest...**

**I can't imagine a day without her. **

**…**... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...****

****Hello my Lotus Blossoms. ****

****So... this is one long chapter. I didn't want to split it into two because then it would've been slow and uneventful. I wanted to keep up our momentum and I think I did. ****

****I'm also sorry for any grammatical and spelling errors. I'm really tired. But I hope this satisfies all your needs.****

****Speaking of:****

****Ginger92: Why thank you my dear. I try to keep them in character as much as possible and during those... special scenes... it was kind of hard. ****

****Valie: I'm totally with you there and I'm also flattered that you think so highly of that scene. And also yes, I do realize that I do that, I just usually don't see the error because my eyes are mostly trained on that little red line when it comes to spelling. Spell check has ruined me. ****

****Ms-rappy-sleeper: Yeah... that reaction is generally my goal when I write those.****

****Meaghan Gibson: Why thank you Ms. Gibson. For some bizarre reason I always picture that Cat would be the most likely to break out the dirty talk. Hmm...****

****Ok so, there are so many more of you that I'd like to shout out to, but that would be another thousand words so just know that I love you all and your guys' reviews make me smile. ****

** **Also thank you to an anonymous reviewer N( ) for telling me that Gymnophobia is********the fear of nudity.****

****Alright loves, that's all for this chapter. Till the next Tuesday, Reviews = Love. So spread it around. Thick.****

****A.Y.P.****


	12. Maybe It'll Pass

**Alright everyone, again sorry for any random bold parts. I explain more of why it's happening in the A/N. So till you reach that explanation, enjoy.**

…**... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...**

It's raining today.

The one day I have absolutely nothing going on, and it rains. I guess the universe really is on my side. I turned my couch around hours ago and have sitting here wrapped up in a blanket since.

This week has been all about relaxing for me. I didn't have any classes due to semester break so I've been just hanging around. Of course I had chores to do and some reading to get ahead on, but today has been my day of rest. I think I really needed it.

In case you were wondering, I haven't seen Cat all week. She's been out and about with Jade and a few of her other friends. I completely understand that she has other friends other than me and that I can't have her all to myself, but something about this moment makes me miss her. It's one of those moments that I wish I had someone to spend it with. Between Cat and betting on which raindrop will run down the glass door fastest, I'm surprised I'm relaxed at all.

And I'm also happy I can even see them.

Yeah, my eyes have mostly healed from the pepper spray incident, but for now I'm stuck with glasses till my vision clears up more. I don't mind though.

I sigh as my raindrop loses the race and pick another one back up at the top. About half way down the door, I hear a knock at my front door, prompting me to get out of my warm nest and answer it.

"I thought I might find you here"

"I live here"

"That's why I thought I'd find you here."

I think Cat has a sixth sense. She always seems to pop out of no where when I think of her.

"So what brings you here?" I ask letting her in.

"Oh nothing, It was raining and it made me think of you. I figured I'd stop by and see if you needed company" She says staring a little intensely at me.

"Well I could always use the company. I was just watching the race" I say heading back to my couch.

"Oh did you win?" She asks following behind me.

"No, some cheap bastard cut him off before the end." I say with a laugh.

"Well I'm sure you've got the next one." She says plopping down next to me. She grabs the giant blanket I was using and wraps it around the both of us before snuggling into my side. Best rainy day ever.

"I like it here" Cat says after a minute.

"In New York? Yeah it's nice I guess" I agree.

"No no, I mean here. Right here. Your apartment, watching the rain... here with you" She finishes quietly.

"I like it too." I say a moment later. She is so cute. And I mean what I said. I love being with her.

"So... can you take those off?" She asks pointing to my glasses. What is her deal with those?

"I can but I won't be able to see very well."

"Oh... still healing?" She asks.

"Yeah. Next time just taser me." I joke. She giggles at that.

"Will do" She says before laying her head on my shoulder.

This day couldn't have gone any better. Really. It's raining and Cat's here to share this moment of peace with me. I guess it makes sense though. I feel the same about the both of them. They both put me at ease and give me a sense of comfort. I can forget about my problems and just gaze at them. They're both beautiful in a unique way and mean more to me than anyone will ever know. The only difference is that I can't hold the rain. I can't cuddle with it. Cat beats the rain. Every time.

It's moments like this that also confuse me. I've had a crush on Cat for a while now. It's no secret. But in times like now I start to wonder if I could see her more than a crush. Girl crushes are normal and I've had them on many girls growing up, but Cat's the only girl that I can see myself actually liking. What if I really start to like her? What if I already do like her? Does that mean I'm gay?

I don't know.

My parents want normal grandchildren and they know they won't get them from Trina, so I'm the only hope. I can't give them that if I'm with Cat. I know I shouldn't let their opinions rule my life but it still makes me feel a little bad. I'm not even sure they'd be ok with me liking another girl it to begin with. And Trina would probably clown on me for the rest of my life, more than she already does. Long story short, I would disappoint a lot of people.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Cat asks, eyes still trained outside.

"You" Ok really? You have to always say what you're thinking?

"What about me?" She asks.

"I don't know... just stuff" Please for the love of god drop it Cat.

"Well what kind of stuff?" She asks. Dammit.

As much as I don't want to tell her about what I'm thinking, maybe there's an alternate route to all of this. Maybe there's a way to sort out all of my feelings about her without actually having to explain what's going on in my head. And what better way to do that than with what we're doing right now? Quality time.

"Do you... maybe wanna go to dinner sometime?" I ask.

"You mean like... a date?" She asks.

"Or a not-date. You know, like last time." Tori you are such a pussy.

"And maybe we can see a movie before dinner?" Cat asks shyly.

"Yeah totally. You know because... we had so much fun last time."

"Yeah we did." Cat says moving her head to my chest. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine... why?" I ask.

"Well, your heart is pounding pretty hard for a not-date." She says. That's actually pretty normal when I'm around you Cat.

"Yeah it does that when it rains." Liar.

We sit in silence for about an hour after that was said. It's like the ultimate relaxation. Cat's head is still on my chest only, about a half hour ago she took my arms and wrapped them around herself. I thought it was cute and I've been holding her ever since. Every once in a while she'll look up at me, then back out into the rain. Kind of like she's making sure I'm still here. Though I'm clearly holding her, tightly might I add, it's like she doesn't believe it unless she sees it. I simply giver her small smile and she cuddles closer.

We did that all day. Literally, we sat on my couch, I held her, and we watched the rain all day. It's about eight at night now and we're mostly just listening to the sound of the rain. She should probably be heading home soon though, Jade's been keeping her on a short leash lately. Usually I'd get annoyed and argue that Cat is a grown woman and doesn't need rules, but with the whole Blair thing that happened last week, I'm actually glad Jade's set those boundaries. I wouldn't want Cat out late at night where she's most vulnerable. You know how emotional she was in high school and now that she's of legal age for a lot of things, those emotions could work against her more than ever. Of course we could never imagine Cat getting into any trouble, that's not her personality, but from what Jade's been saying, Cat has been acting pretty off lately.

"I need to go home" Cat mumbles. She does... but I wish she wouldn't. "But I really don't want to" She finishes.

"Well, you know you can stay here if you want. As long as my body is kept in it's current pristine condition." I say with a laugh.

"Tempting" She giggles. "But I should probably go home. I have class tomorrow."

Ok" I sigh. I forgot it was Sunday. Oh yeah... I have class tomorrow too. She reluctantly gets up and heads to my door with me in tow.

"Thanks for letting me just be here. I know that rainy days are kind of your day to relax." She says as she walks out.

"It was no problem. I'd rather have you around than the rain any day." Damn you and your inability to keep your thoughts inside your head Tori.

"Oh really?" She says arching a brow. "Well Miss. Vega, it sounds to me like your trying to romance me."

"Hm, maybe I am." I shrug. Sometimes it's hard to tell when we're being serious or when we're just playing.

"Right well, good luck on that. I think I'm going to aim for hard to get." She says.

"I'd be disappointed if you were anything else." I say. The god of flirting has blessed me today.

We stand in silence for a moment, letting the awkwardness rise before Cat clears her throat.

"Well... I should get going."

"Yeah um... I'll text you tomorrow about our not-date. " I say.

"Ok... well, Goodnight" She says.

"Goodnight" I say as she turns and walk away. I shut my door and then lean back against it.

My god... I am totally gay... I think.

…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

"_Calling me at twelve a.m. your time? This must be pretty serious"_

"It's not. I was just wondering how you were doing"

"_Really Tori? Again with the, "I'm so selfless but also selfish" thing?"_

Funny how we think of each other the same way.

"I just need someone to talk to I guess" I sigh.

"_Need another pick-me-up about school?"_ Trina asks.

"No... something a little more serious." I swallow hard.

"_Tori, you're the kind of girl that cries over spilled water, yeah not even milk, how serious can this really be?" _Sheasks slightly annoyed.

When you don't know how to start something, the best method is blunt force trauma.

"I think I'm gay." I say quickly.

"... Trina?" I ask after about a minute of silence. Great... "You hate me don't you?" I ask quietly.

"Trina please say something..." I beg after another minute. She can't even talk to me. Trina, the girl who never shuts up can't even talk to me right now. If this is how she reacts, then there's no way my parent's will ever accept me.

"_You hate me 'cause I'm everything that you ever wanted to be,  
>And I don't mind 'cause I love it when you're looking at me,<br>'cause I'm a rockstar, a rockstar,  
>I said that I'm a rockstar, a rockstar,<br>Keep looking at me"_

This blares from my phone right next to my ear nearly making me go deaf.

"Jesus!" I yell pulling it away from my face. And if you can't already tell, yes, that's Trina's ringtone.  
>"Ugh Hello?" I groan.<p>

"_Sorry you're call dropped, what were you saying?"_ She says.

"What... how much did you hear?" I ask.

"_You said "I think" then the line went dead."_

Are you effing serious? Really? Dude, universe, seriously, fuck you.

"Of course it did" I say running a hand through my hair.

"_Right, so you think what?" _She asks.

"I... I think I'm gay." I say quietly. The first time I said it it was hard, so you can imagine what this is like knowing that she's paying close attention.

"Trina...?" I ask after a moment. Please tell me my call didn't drop again.

"_Oh..."_ She says quietly.

Oh? That's it? She's not gonna scream or tease me? Just oh? This is either really bad, or really good. Probably really bad knowing Trina. God knows how her "reputation" will suffer from having a gay sister. That is if I can really even classify myself as that.

"Just oh?" I ask.

"_Yeah... just oh." S_he says slowly.

We sit in silents for a few minutes till it literally starts hurting that she isn't saying anything. I never thought I'd be begging Trina to talk.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask.

"_No... just surprised. I thought you liked guys"_

"Well I do, well at least I think I do. I don't know." I say leaning back against the couch.

"_Well what changed your mind? You don't usually make irrational decisions unless you have a cause. So... did you meet someone?"_

"Not exactly. It's someone I've known. I just... I don't know, I care about her a lot." I say furrowing my brows.

"_Well are you sure that you like her? Sometimes when you care a lot about someone you're afraid to lose them, so you translate it into love, the stronger emotion. You know that you'll fight for someone you love. It's like your emotions are tricking your brain." She says._

"Oh my god..." I trail off.

"_What? What happened?"_

"You have a heart... and a brain?" I ask. I am genuinely surprised at this. I've never heard her say anything smarter in my life. The most she could ever do was spell "perfect" correctly. Huh, who would've thought?

"_Tori, don't be a bitchface."_ There it is.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm jumping the gun. I probably just think I like her because I care so much." And I'm serious. I care about Cat a lot, but maybe I don't like her like I thought I did.

"_I mean if you had slept with her than it'd be different" _Trina states.

"W-Why would it be different?" I rush out. Oh crap...

"_Because then you physically bonded with her. It doesn't mean you're in love or anything, it just OH MY GOD YOU SLEPT WITH HER?" _Trina screeches into my ear. I rip the phone from my ear for the second time today before putting it back quickly.

"I didn't say that!" I rush out.

"_Please Tori everything about this conversation screams that there was a new motion in the ocean." _What is it with everyone and these random terms for sex?

"Trina... it was purely physical and it meant nothing." I defend. Way to lie to her Tori. I think you have her convinced that nothing happened between you and Cat.

"_But still! It was a girl and... was it weird?" _She asks taking interest.

"A little at first but let me tell you, it was amazing" I say sitting up.

"_Really? Did you know what you were doing?" _She asks excitedly.

"Not at first, but just like anything, once you start, you just learn as you go."

And just in case you were wondering, we talked for another hour after that, giggling about "chick sex" as Trina calls it. She asked loads of questions about how it works and if it was satisfying and other things like that. It was kind of nice having someone to girl out with about it. I know it's Trina, but on rare occasions we'll talk about things like this and then be sworn to secrecy. It's nice.

"_So you guys talked it out though right?"_ She asks.

"Yeah, we both agreed to drop it. No sense it making things awkward." I answer.

"_Well good, I'm glad. As long you know your feelings about her and that you're not twisting them up, I think you'll be ok."_

"I think so too" I say with a sigh.

"_Alright well, Bradly just got home and all this talk about sex makes me wanna put his-"_

"Ew Trina, ok I really don't need to know. Just go and tell him I said hi." I cut her off. I really don't wanna know what the end of her sentence was gonna be.

"_I would... but I think my mouth is going to be put to better use bye!" _She yells.

My ears... my fragile little ears... CAN NOT UNHEAR.

Ugh... I hate when she does that. But she had some good advice. I care about Cat a lot, but there's no way that this is more than a crush. I haven't exactly been known for keeping my emotions out of things. This has been one hell of a month between us, but I don't think it's anything to question my sexuality over. Granted... sex with the same gender does imply that you aren't straight but... we weren't doing it out of love or passion. We did it because it felt good and frankly, I think that the both of us just needed to get off. I still have an unsettling feeling about all this though...

But maybe it'll pass.

…... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...

**"_You,  
>Your sex is on fire,<br>Consumed,  
>With what's just transpired"<em>**

**No. You have got to be kidding me. It's four in the morning. I am not answering my phone.**

**"_You,  
>Your sex is on fire,<br>Consumed,  
>With what's just transpired"<em>**

Stop ringing damn you. Let me sleep and continue dreaming about soup.

**"_You,  
>Your sex is on fire,<br>Consumed,  
>With what's just transpired"<em>**

**"Ugh" I groan opening my eyes. I grope my nightstand for my phone, finally finding it, then drag it to my ear.**

**"Mmm" I mumble into the phone, already drifting back to sleep.**

**"T-Tori?" She whimpers.**

**"Cat?" I bolt up, now wide awake. "What's wrong?" I panic.**

**"Can you please come over?" She sniffles.**

**"Cat what's wrong?" I repeat. **

**"I'm scared. I keep having these nightmares and... Tori please, I need you" She says as she starts crying more.**

**I don't think I've ever moved that fast in my life, not even from when I was running from Jade. Granted, I did run smack into my door again in the dark (and recovered quickly) but even then I was still extremely fast. I was out of my apartment and starting my car in less than a minute. I didn't even bother to put anything on. I know I scared the hell out of the apartment manager seeing as I flew by him in a tank top and boxer shorts and almost knocked him over, but at this point I would plow Jade down.**

**I ran at least four red lights and probably drove ten over the speed limit. I tried to keep her on the phone with me and get her to talk to me, but I could barely get anything through her sobs. All I really got was that she was alone and scared. I'm not sure what happened, but when I was about a minute away, the line went dead. I know that there's not some rapist in her apartment but it still freaked me out. I didn't wanna risk a car wreck or something by trying to call her back, so I didn't. I just sped into the parking lot, jumped out of my car, and sprinted up the stairs. **

**I start pounding on her door constantly till I see it swing open and Cat falls into my arms. She holds on to me for dear life and buries her face into my neck the best she can. My arms warp around her and I let ****out a huge breathe that I swear I've been holding since she called. I rub her back soothingly as I walk us inside her apartment and then back to her room where I sit up against her headboard and hold her. **

**"It's ok Cat, I'm here now" I repeat over and over again.**

**Every time I say it, it's like it dawns on her more that I really am here. Through her tear filled eyes she still looks up at me every once in a while, making sure I'm still here. And this goes on for about hour till she calms to just sniffles.**

**"You came..." She whimpers.**

**"Of course I did. You called" I say quietly.**

**"I know, I'm sorry. I'm being stupid" She says starting to pull away.**

**"No, you're not stupid. You have every reason to be scared Cat." I say pulling her back to me. "What happened anyway?" I ask.**

**"I fell asleep and when I woke up, Jade and Rachel both left a note saying they were on dates. I just... I had a nightmare. It was about back when Blair was an active part of my life. She was mad at me and... I don't think I ever knew why she would hit me. I don't understand how people can physically abuse someone like that" She says.**

**"I can" I say simply. Cat's head jolts up and she looks at me with fear in her eyes.**

**"How can you understand?" She asks carefully.**

**"Because after what she did to you... Cat if I had the chance, I would beat the living shit out of Blair. I would hurt her so bad for hurting you. I mean... " I struggle to get out what I'm feeling as Cat nods, urging me to continue. "What I don't understand how anyone could hurt ****_you. _****You're this... angel. By far one of the most amazing people I've ever met and it blows my mind that anyone could ever see differently. I agree that people shouldn't hurt people, but especially not you Cat. And god... do I wanna hurt Blair for ever putting her hands on you. I swear Cat," I say looking into her eyes "I'm gonna do everything I can to protect you from her. I might not be much of a match compared to her but I swear I-"**

**"Tori" Cat cuts me off softly.**

**We look at each other for a while before Cat puts her hand on the side of my face, brushing my cheek with her thumb, and gives me that look again. The one where it's like I'm her world.**

**And maybe that's why she didn't say anything else that night. She said it all in the look she gave. After that she laid her head on my chest and we just stayed there till she fell asleep a few hours later.**

I didn't sleep at all last night. For some reason I just felt like I needed to stay awake. I needed to stay awake and watch over Cat. And now, watching the sun starting to peak through her blinds, I think I understand.

We were wrong. Trina and I. I've never rushed to someone's house in the middle of the night like my life depended on it just because they were crying. I've never wanted to physically hurt somebody more than I want to right now. I've never wanted to protect someone like this before. I've never done a lot of things that seem like second nature when it comes to Cat. And last but not least...

This is a lot more than a crush.

…**... ... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …... …...**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms.**

**So, what did you think of the chapter? I know it's a tad slow but I needed a little less action and a little more... cuddling I guess. Anyway I hope you enjoyed it.**

**And forgive the grammatical and spelling errors. I only proofread half of this because I'm tired.**

**Also, on an important note. Again, I'm using a new program (that I hate) to write and that's why random parts are in bold. This program messes everything up. Anyway, I'm out of town until tomorrow when I fly back home and then I can get rid of this program and get my old one back. Once that happens it should clear that problem up.**

**Speaking of but has nothing to do with:**

**Meaghan Gibson: Well this one didn't start out any better but I hope the end was to your liking Ms. Gibson.**

**Sin-Of-Virtue: Hey, good to hear from you again. I haven't actually heard from Sami in a while. I'm beginning to miss her.**

**Luz4mj1995: Your review was just flat out awesome.**

**OddPsyche: Glad to have you on board my friend.**

**Zinzu: Oh Zinzu. You're adorable. **

**SadFace: When it comes to Ariana Grande, believe me when I say (I get ten points for rhyming), you can be straight as a freaking arrow and wanna tap that.**

**Many more I wish I could get to, just know that I love and appreciate you all. You guys make my day.**

**Alright loves, that's all for this chapter. So till the next update we all know by now that Reviews = Love. So spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	13. Am I?

"Tori"

"Mmm"

"Toriiiii. Wake up."

"No" I mumble.

"If you don't get up you're going to be late for our not-date." Cat says softly.

"Hm?"

"You slept the entire day. Our not-date is supposed to be in two hours."

Oh… crap.

I jolt awake and immediately sit up, causing a lovely head rush, and then get extremely confused. Why you ask? Because I have absolutely no idea where I am. I can tell you that the sun is setting and that I'm incredibly warm in a nice smelling room. And god this bed is comfortable.

"Where am I?"

"In my room. You spent the night last night after I called you... are you ok?" Cat asks sitting on the bed next to me.

"Huh? Oh, yeah…" I trail off. That's right. I came over after she called me crying her eyes out.

"Wow. You were really out. You're so cute when you're dazed and confused." Cat says poking my side.

"Thanks... I guess. So are you ready to go then?" I ask.

"Well if that's what you plan on wearing, then maybe I'm a little overdressed." She says.

I look down at myself. I don't think I can show up to Daniel in boxers and a tank top. I would probably get kicked out. And yes, I did say Daniel. Probably one of the nicest restaurants in New York City. And it may be on the "New York's Top Ten Romantic Restaurants" list… just maybe. The prices are a lot more expensive than the place we had our first not-date. Strangely I'm ok with that though. For some bizarre reason I always wanna dress up and do something nice for Cat. Yeah that's bizarre…

"Right… I'm gonna go home and change." I say getting up.

"Are you sure you can drive in your delirious state?"

"No"

"Ok then be safe, see you in a bit" Cat says before disappearing into her bathroom.

If I crash before I get home, I'm blaming her. And not even a goodbye? No hug, no kiss, no passionate se-NO. No. I am not thinking about that tonight. That is not my aim, so I'm not thinking about it. Sure, she may have made me feel like I'm finally a woman, but that doesn't mean I want it again. Psh. No. Besides, we're just friends.

Right?

….. …. ….. … ….. … … …. …

I had some pretty deep thoughts last night. You know, when I was holding Cat.

I came to the conclusion that this may be more than a crush. Well… I think maybe I was just tired. I mean, it was like four or five in the morning. My brain doesn't function that well that early. Cat and I are just really close right? So of course I would've gone over to make sure she was ok. It was completely platonic. I think I would've done it for anyone I cared about.

And along with that… yes, I do realize that I'm thinking myself out of it. But maybe it's a good thing.

I still have a date tonight with her. Well, a not-date. I'm not gonna cancel it or anything, considering I'm just putting the final touches on my make-up. I just wanted to try and straighten my feelings out before I went. What I feel about Cat is much different when I'm with her then when I'm not. When I'm with her, I just want to be closer. Hence all the cuddling we do. I just wanna do what feels good. But when I'm not with her, like now for instance, I'm levelheaded. I can think straight and sort myself out.

So then it's settled. Tonight, I need to keep my head in the friend zone. I think I'll like it there. I need to quit playing with these feelings and just make a decision, so there it is.

Cat and I are just friends and that's all I want it to be.

….. … ….. ….. ….. ….. …. ….. …

I have it all planned out.

I just knocked a few seconds ago, and when she answers, I'm gonna be all cute and be all "Excuse me ma'am, I'm here to pick up my not-date for a not-date" and then just play off of that. Oh yeah, I'm going to own this.

The minute that thought ends the door opens and I put a smirk on.

"Excuse me ma'am, I'm here to-oh my god you are gorgeous… " I say as my jaw hits the floor. Oh yeah, real smooth.

"Well thank you" She giggles. "You look very pretty too"

But not nearly as much as she does. She's wearing pink tonight. A pink dress that stops about mid thigh. Her hair is actually up in a high ponytail and her make-up is flawless. I think my eyes just orgasmed. Hard.

"You're staring pretty hard there." She says with a smirk.

"Am I?"

"Yeah. Visualizing what's under it? Or well, what's _not_ under it?" She asks.

"Uh…" Clever Tori.

"Play your cards right, you might just find out." Cat says shutting her front door and walking past me. What? No! I'm terrible at card games!

Wait… that little tease!

I take off after Cat, being careful not to break my ankle in these heels, and when I get to her I grab her wrist and spin her around to face me.

"I thought we agreed on not teasing each other anymore." I say.

"Ok one," She says holding up one finger. "I'm the only one doing the teasing. And two" She says holding up a second finger. "We never agreed to that. Besides, I honestly think I would start to miss the face."

"The face?" I question.

"What if I told you I wasn't wearing any underwear?" She asks tilting her head to the side.

"Uh…"

"Yeah, that face. The one where you like it." She says.

"My face wasn't doing that" I say monotone.

"Please Tori, you always deny it. I say something dirty or tease you, then you get this look on your face like you wouldn't mind if I was being serious."

"My face doesn't do that."

"You're impossible." She scoffs.

"_You're_ impossible" I shoot back. Real mature Tori.

"Apparently not" She says.

"You're not impossible?" I ask.

"Well, you got into my pants pretty easily." She says with a smirk.

"Only because you didn't have any on, or any article of clothing for that matter."

"That's how I prefer it when I'm with you"

"You prefer to be naked?"

"Only if it gets you naked"

"Play your cards right, you might just find out" I finish our banter. Oh Tori you sexy beast. _That_, was good.

"Wow." Cat says raising her eyebrows. Yeah, didn't think I could play huh? "I'm impressed. You're playing with the hand you're dealt" She says.

"And that's not all I wanna do with my hand tonight" I say with a smirk.

Cat's surprised face instantly drops into a… oh.

"Oh. That face. " I say pointing to hers. Now I get it, the face where you like it.

Victoria: 1 - Cat: 347 But hey, at least I have one.

"You look like you're staring pretty hard there." I say after a moment.

"Am I?" She asks. I smirk and shake my head as I walk past her and down the stairs.

So I guess it turns out that two can play at Cat's game. To be quite honest, I don't think there's anything better than the satisfaction I got out of seeing her face. Priceless. I think I could get used to this whole teasing thing. And in case you were wondering about what I was thinking earlier…

What friend zone?

… ….. …. …. … ….. …. …..

"I'm thinking chocolate"

"Ok, rich or light?"

"Depends on what's taking place after this."

"Very funny, just pick what you're in the mood for"

"Ok… light."

"Bam, Chocolate Mouse." I say pointing to the item on the dessert menu.

"Perfect" She says. "It's probably-ohh shit"

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I ask confused.

"No no… see that guy over there?" Cat say pointing to someone who just walked in.

"Yeah, what about him?"

"He's in our figure drawing class. All he even does is eye fuck me, how the hell is he passing that class?" She says trying to hide her face.

"Ugh. I hate people who do that. We're supposed to be mature artists who take in the beauty of the naked body, not ogle it." I say with a frown.

"Yeah right, well he's asked me out like twenty times and keeps dropping the line, "Is there a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them" and others like that. He is so gross" Cat says mimicking a guys voice.

"Just tell him to leave you alone" I say as Cat starts to panic a little more.

"That usually results in him pretty much humping my leg" Cat says as she looks around for what I'm sure is an escape route. Dammit. Stupid horny pervert ruining my date… not-date with Cat.

"He's coming this way! Wait…" She says as I see a light bulb go off in her head.

"What?"

"Move over" She says. Before I can even move Cat's shoving me over in the booth and planting herself right next to me.

"Kiss me" She says quickly.

"What?" I ask monotone.

"Tori hurry he's looking!" She whispers yells. "Tori, no. Don't make the face, just do it."

I guess my body was able to process that faster than my brain was, because before I knew it, my lips were firmly attached to Cat's. Why are her lips always so soft? They're like kissing an angel. An angel with bright red hair named Cat. So soft…

When Cat pulls away about five seconds later my eyes open to see her smirking at me. Granted my lips are still slightly pursed because I didn't exactly want it to end, but still, I'm starting to think that all these years with Jade is where she started picking up the smirking.

"Is he still looking?" I ask. Please for the love of god… still be looking.

"Who?" She asks still smirking.

"The guy from our class…"

"What guy?" She asks.

"The guy who's a pervert and likes you…"

"Don't know what you're talking about Tori."

"The guy… there is no guy form our class here is there?" I ask. She shakes her head no.

"So… all of that just to kiss me?" I ask. Jeeze… I wonder what she'll do if she wants to get me in bed…

"Only because you wanted it" She defends.

"And just how do you figure that?" I ask. Of course Cat, blame it on me.

"Well, when your eyes weren't on my chest they were mostly focused on my lips. I think that kind of gave it away" She whispers the last part.

I try not to blush but… she's just too good. This game that she plays… there are no rules.

"Tease"

Cat smile triumphantly at that then puts on an innocent look. "Tease? Don't be silly Tori. I'm no tease."

"Right. So just to be clear, you _are_ wearing underwear?" I ask.

"I never said that" She says picking up the dessert menu to look at it again.

"Well I'm saying you are" I say challenging her. Alright Cat, you wanna play? Let's play.

"What makes you think that?" She asks not bothering to look up at me.

"Well, I think you're just teasing me again. You're bluffing." I say scooting closer to her.

"Am I?" She asks.

"Yes" This is my answer as, just to prove my theory, my hand slides **all the way** up the inside of her thigh.

And just as I thought she… isn't… wearing… underwear…

Oh… my… god…

Cat's eyes are studying my features as it dawns on me that she was in fact, not bluffing. She isn't wearing any underwear and my hand is… well… no where my hands haven't been before. However… that was when we were alone. Right **now** we're in the middle of a restaurant with loads of people. I can easily see the smirk forming on her face as my expression goes blank.

"Find what you're looking for?" She quirks up an eyebrow.

I open and close my mouth at least a million times trying to come up with an acceptable answer.

"Good" Cat says as she casually crosses her legs, pinning my hand between them.

Bad thoughts… BAD THOUGHTS. Not my aim… bad thoughts… just friends…

"Have you ladies decided on a dessert?"

"It's wet" I immediately blurt out my thought to our waiter.

"Uh… what?" Our waiter asks confused as Cat suppresses a giggle.

"H-Huh?" I ask.

"Have you decided on a dessert?" He asks a little slower, a concerned look on his face. "Are you alright?"

"She's fine, she's just sweating off a cold. And I think we'll go with the-oh" Cat cuts her sentence short.

Game on.

My fingers twitched against her, which is what caused her sudden stop. I smirk a little at that as I don't feel quite as nervous as I did a minute ago. Cat looks as if she's about to speak again and move my hand again. She visibly shudders and her cheeks start to heat up.

"Miss?" The waiter asks quietly.

"The check." Cat says monotone. "We need the check."

As the waiter scurries off to get our check, I take in the sight of Cat. Her cheeks are now tinted pink and her breathing is a little more ragged. I move my fingers against her again and her eyes shut as she hunches over just a bit. She makes the slightest noise, somewhere between a moan and a squeak, and breathes in slowly.

"You're cruel" She says through her teeth.

"Am I?" I ask.

"Alright ladies and here's your check. Will that be all?" He asks.

"Yeah… and keep the change." I say giving him two hundred. He nods and walks off.

"It's kind of hot in here" I say after a minute. "Like enough to sweat" Though I'm sure Cat and I are the only ones feeling this way.

"Yeah well I'm pretty dry… in most places" She says not able to keep eye contact.

"Believe me Cat… I know." And yes… I'm referring to my hand placement.

"Right well maybe we should go somewhere more… comfortable" She strains to get out.

"Like where?" I ask.

"Well… your bed was pretty comfortable…" She trails off. Oh hell yes.

Game? What game? There is no game being played right now between Cat and I.

This… this is all real.

….. …. … … …. ….. …. …..

"Tori I swear to god…" Cat says exasperated.

"Shaky hands" I say fumbling with my keys while I try to unlock my door.

"That might just come in handy" She says as I finally get my door open.

Cat and I literally are itching to get our clothes off. The entire way back to my apartment I'm surprised she didn't start stripping in my car. Remember the first time this happened? The spontaneous sex? Of course, who could forget right? Well the same rules apply here. We're not thinking about it. We're just doing what our bodies are screaming for.

Cat almost pushes me into my apartment and the moment we're both in, the door shut, Cat's lips are plastered to mine. Whatever was in our hands is dropped by my front door. Our tongues don't take too long to start twisting around each other either. But then Cat pulls her face off of mine flustered.

"Ok, bedroom, now." She says practically dragging me there.

"Jeeze someone's impatient. " I say almost tripping a few times.

"Am I? You have no idea how badly I need you right now" She says out of breath.

"Believe me, I have some idea… dear god these clothes need to come off" I say closing my door. I still have my bedside lamp on but I don't get over to it as Cat pulls me in to another kiss. She walks me forward till she falls back on my bed, pulling me down on top of her. We both do our best to move up to where her head is on my pillow. My mouth leaves hers to kiss my way down her neck and settle on her pulse point.

"This is a bad idea" I say in between kisses against her neck.

"Absolutely terrible" She breathes.

"We shouldn't be doing this" I say before I drag my tongue up the length of her jaw.

"Absolutely shouldn't" She moans.

"But I don't care… do you?" I say reaching for my light and switching it off, making it pitch black in my room.

"Absolutely not"

….. ….. …. …. … …. … …

"That was a bad idea"

"Absolutely terrible"

"We shouldn't have done that"

"Absolutely shouldn't have"

"We should've cared" I finish off.

"Absolutely" Cat agrees.

So… we've been laying here staring at my ceiling for probably about an hour now. I am a fucking dirty liar. To _myself_. I specifically laid down the ground rules for myself tonight. I wasn't supposed to flirt with her, I wasn't supposed to tease her, and I most certainly wasn't supposed to end up in bed with her. What the hell happened to the friend zone? Friends don't sleep with each other after their second not-date. Hell friends don't sleep with each other at all. Yet here we are… naked, in my bed, and tired out from… really hot sex. You fail at life Victoria. Or, you really win at something you don't understand.

"So…" I trail off.

"I'm sorry, but I don't see how James could've left you" Cat says randomly.

"Random…" I say.

"Well to you, but I've been thinking about it and I have no idea how he did it"

"Why do you say that?" I ask curious.

"Well, you're insanely talented, you're beautiful, you have like the best personality ever, and dear god you are amazing at sex." She says as I indulge in a cocky smile. "I'm serious, you are really good." She says reaching over me and turning on my lamp. I'm hesitant at first to open my eyes, but after a moment I take a chance and open them. I'm thankful to see Cat with my sheets pulled up past her chest. We all know that Cat's not a shy person when it comes to her body, but I think it's nice that she's covering up for me.

"Well I'm glad you think so. James and I had a good time… but it was different" I say.

"How so?" She asks.

"Well… I didn't know James like I know you I guess. Sure he was my boyfriend and band mate for a year and we spent every waking moment together, but it wasn't like how I know you. You and I… I don't know… you just get it." I say clearly deep in my thoughts.

"Did you… touch him like you touched me?" She asks.

"No. There wasn't much of an introduction to sex for us. We just kind of did it."

"Well… we just kind of did it" Cat says referring to earlier.

"This is true" I say.

"Yeah. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think now I actually will stop teasing you" She says. NO… WHY?

"Really?" I ask casually.

"Yeah. You were right. It was a bad idea, it shouldn't have happened, and we definitely should've cared. I'm mostly to blame for tonight" She says. Right… of course. Because teasing me is bad.

"Cat, I didn't exactly tell you to stop. I'm just as much a part of this as you are." I say.

"I still feel bad" She says frowning.

"I know, me too." I say.

There's a few more minutes of silence before Cat speaks up.

"Do you like me?" Cat asks quietly.

"Of course. You're my friend Cat" I answer.

"No, I mean… do you _like me _like me"

"We're just friends" I say after a few seconds.

"That didn't answer my question." she retorts looking over at me.

"You want my honest answer?" I ask her.

"Yes" She says. I look away from her and back up at my ceiling.

"No. I don't" I say. And whatever way you're scolding me right now, I probably deserve. But I can't get her hopes up when I don't even know if I really do or not. I mean, what if all this is just physical? That's all it's been anyway.

"You're lying." Cat says monotone. Well that hit me by surprise.

"What?" I say looking over at her.

"I said you're lying."

"I'm not lying. Cat, I honestly don't have feelings for you" I say. Cat sighs and look back up at my ceiling.

"Can you take me home now?" Cat asks more like a demand. Jeeze… I didn't think it would upset her.

"So now you're mad me?" I ask.

"I'm not mad."

"Then why the cold shoulder?"

"It doesn't matter, we're done talking about this." She says getting up, letting my sheets fall away from her.

Of course. She's smart like that. She knows that my eyes instantly shut and that I can't see her anymore. It's really not that big, all I said is that I didn't have feelings for her. I don't wanna say I do and then find out that I really don't after she already puts her heart into it. That is if she even likes me. She could just be asking because she want to know. All in all, I just don't want to hurt her.

You can't blame me for that.

….. … …. …. … … … …..

"Thanks" Cat says as she starts to get out of my car.

"Cat wait" I say grabbing her wrist, causing her to pause. "I'm sorry" I say.

"For what?" She asks.

"For tonight. And for whatever I did to piss you off." I say, but of course all I get is an eye roll.

"Don't apologize when you don't know what you're sorry about" She says getting out and shutting the car door.

"Then I'm sorry for saying I didn't like you like that" I say as I roll down the passenger side window.

"You can't apologize for how you feel" She says coldly before walking off.

Damn. Is she really gonna be mad at me for this? Why the hell does she even care? If I can't apologize for how I feel, then she can't be mad at me for how I feel. I don't wanna play whatever kind of game she's playing now. This is just getting ridiculous.

And that's what I think about the entire drive home… well at least up until the last traffic light next to my apartment. That's actually the last thing I thought at all that night. Because it was so fast, I never even saw that semi truck run the red light.

I just… never saw it coming.

…**.. …. …. …. ….. … …. … …**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms.**

**So… how about that ending ay?**

**A lot of this chapter was actually in a dream I had… yeah don't ask. But I'm glad to see I could work it out. I also apologize for so many scene changes. I tried to make them as long as possible, but there was just so much to do.**

**So, I'm also sorry about the super late update. I've been incredibly busy/lazy the past week and hardly wrote at all. But hey, I got it out and just so you all know, don't worry, I'm not going to forget about this story. I know the heartbreaking tale all too well. **

**And to a few of you who worry or are completely relaxed:**

**Meaghan Gibson: Ah, you flatter me Ms. Gibson. And I'm glad you liked that chapter.**

**Zinzu: If the story line was following that, absolutely. I feel the same way.**

**Kimberley19: Why thank you, and yes, that song is quite awesome. And dirty.**

**RiddleMeThisBatman: I don't think you will ever know the fangirl moment I had when I saw that you had reviewed. Even now I'm still… szljdfhliausdfhiudfgdisvgb.**

**If anyone is into Delena (Demi/Selena) then you need to check RiddleMeThisBatman out. But don't ogle because I already have dibs.**

**Anyway, thank you all too much for being editors in the last chapter. It was jacked up nine ways from Sunday but thanks to all of you I was able to correct all the mistakes to what I actually meant. **

**Also, mad props to Crazyanime man** **for being my 200th review. **

**Alright loves, that's all for this update, but till the next one, Reviews = Love. Always. So spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	14. Wake Up

They say your life is supposed to flash before your eyes.

Some say that there's a light at the end of a tunnel. I think everyone has their own interpretation. Mine is simple. I see nothing but black. Pitch black darkness. I want to believe that it's just the back of my eyelids because I'm way to scared to think anything different. I don't wanna wonder if I'm dead or not. I just want to focus on my thoughts. I wanna stay lost in them, about all the meaningless things in life.

Or maybe even think back to what I remember of whatever happened to me.

All I can remember is driving up to the last light before my apartment… and that's it. Not much to remember except the fact that I swear something big hit me. I wanna say that I woke up a few times or that I'm in pain, but I'm not too sure of anything right now. To be quite honest… I just want to open my eyes.

I know I said I didn't want to wonder if I'm dead or not… but I am. I want to be alive. I don't want to die. What about art? What about my passion? What about my family? What about Cat?

Oh no… Cat. I was a complete asshole to her. I should've handled things with her better. There's nothing worse than flat out rejection and that's exactly what I hit her with. If I die or if I'm dead… how will tell her I'm sorry? What if she'll never know how much she means to me? What if I never see her again?

No… I can't die.

And what about Trina? We've had our problems but I know that I've never told her what she is to me. She's… she's like an extension of myself. I would've never made it through life without her. And what if she'll never know that? I mean, we rarely ever told each other that we loved each other and now I'm wondering why. I love Trina more than anything and the possibility of her never knowing that… and what about my unborn nephew? I want to meet him one day. I want to be a part of his life.

I can't die. I need them. I need them all.

I need my family and I need Cat.

Please God if you're real, please hear what I'm saying. Don't let me die. Not now. You see the life I live and the people who are in it… please God, don't take that away from me.

Nothing. I didn't wake up. I'm still in the dark only now there's this obnoxious beeping sound. And… pain. It's a little fuzzy but I think that's a slow ache I'm feeling in my chest. And in my shoulder… that hurts too. Man, everything hurts. And what is with that freaking light? It shining right into my eyes.

My slightly opened eyes.

Am I awake? Did it work? I would speak but my mind feels… I don't know, sluggish… tired. I don't even think I can move. Everything feels so heavy. It's an effort just to keep looking at the light. An effort to everything but breathing. That feels effortless. Relaxing almost. Like I don't have to do it.

"Tori?"

It's muffled. I can in no way tell you who the voice belongs too. God it's like I'm buried alive.

"Tori?" I hear again.

I want to answer but I can't. I'm too weak. I don't think I can push enough air out of my lungs to create voice. It's actually like I can't control the air my body's' bringing in. And how on earth would I talk with whatever this plastic thing in my mouth is? God it's uncomfortable.

More muffled voices. I don't think I know any of them. I would look but this light… it's just so comforting. It beats the darkness I've been in. I know I was complaining about it at first, but now I think I like it.

Hey wait… who's that? There's a blurry figure above me. They seem to move carefully. Like they-hey! That was my light you jerk! Turn it back on!

They ignore my request as they move outside my vision. A second later they come back with a little light. Not like the one I had over my head, a smaller one that they're holding. A flashlight maybe? They shine it right into my right eye then move it to my left. Jesus dude I said I wanted my light back on, not for you to blind me with that little one. Jerk.

"What-es sh-.. go-by?" That's the most that I caught of this persons sentence.

"Tori" The voice from earlier says.

"Tori? Tori can-he-me?" The person says. Can I what? Dude speak up I have no idea what you're saying.

"Can-y er-me?" They ask again.

I blink a few times, trying to clear my vision so I can properly identify their gender and possibly who they are. It's a little clearer but still I can't make out any faces. Hell I can hardly hear them. Come one Tori, time to wake up, all the way.

Come on… wake up… move… do something.

My hand. I moved it. I know I moved it, it hurt like hell.

"Good Tori. Can-se-m?" My god this person needs to go to an English class.

They hold up the flashlight again but instead of blinding me, they move it around from the right side of my head back over to the left, where they're standing. My eyes follow it as it moves back and forth then is clicked off.

"H-eyes fine. He-ears m-be damaged" They say. No they aren't, you're speech is you dick.

I see him lean over and I guess look at my ear.

"Can you hear me?" Blares into my ear. Jesus tap-dancing lord that was loud!

"Mnn" I groan. Hey… I can talk. Or.. well, grown at the least. But I guess that's what dropped the penny, because I can hear loud and clear now.

"Well her ears seem to be fine, so are her eyes. She's probably just a little groggy from the pain killers" The person who I can now identify as a man, says.

"When can they take that tube out?" Hey wait… I do know that voice. Mrs. Grow?

"When she's strong enough to breathe on her own the intubation can come out. For now it needs to stay in, that and the catheter "

Are you fucking serious? A catheter? I don't even care about the one down my throat, there's a fucking tube in my… dear god!

I ignore anything else said, because I'm more focused on tubes that are in places they shouldn't be. But the one thing I do catch is what I believe to be footsteps heading out of… wherever I am.

"Tori?" I hear Mrs. Grow say again. I can't turn my head or even groan again.

"I know you can't move and probably can't speak seeing as you have two tubes in incredibly uncomfortable places, but I just want you to know that I'm here." She says as I see what I'm guessing is her come into my vision on my right.

"Hang in there lady" She says as she pats my shoulder.

That actually almost makes me cry. That light was comforting, but so was that. I know I keep trying to lighten the moment, but in all honesty, I'm scared out of my mind. I mean, at least I'm alive, but I have a feeling I'm not out of the woods yet. I have no idea what happened or where I am. But having her here to give me some sort of support and the fact that she's significant in my life gives me something to hang on to. It gives me a sense that I might just be ok.

"Do you want the light back on?" She asks. I guess she noticed that my eyes haven't left the area the light was in. Yes please… anything but the darkness, but I can't tell her I want it on so…

I hear a click and then the comfort is back. My light.

Man I'm tired. I know it's not like I did anything to be tired… I'm just exhausted from being awake.

"Get some sleep Tori." She says.

No. I don't wanna go back to sleep. I don't wanna go back to the darkness. What if I don't wake up from it next time? What if I'm stuck there?

"I'll be right here when you wake up" She says patting my shoulder again.

Ok… she said I would wake up, so I have to right? I trust Mrs. Grow. So if she says that I'm going to wake up, than that means I will.

So maybe I will go to sleep. I'll rest just a little bit longer. But not too long…

Because now… I don't like the dark.

….. … …. ….. ….. ….. …. … …

"You're strong Tori, you always have been. The doctors say that you're strong enough to breathe on your own now… well… only if you wake up. You need to wake up. I'm not even sure if you can hear me, but if you can, please try to wake up. We're starting to worry about you."

Well believe me Mrs. Grow I'm starting to worry too. It's been weeks for all I know. What I do know is that I didn't want to fall back asleep because I didn't want to be trapped in this darkness again. Yet here I am.

"You know if you wake up, they'll remove the catheter" OH MY GOD TORI WAKE UP!

I feel her hand slip into mine as her other one pats my shoulder.

"Come on Tori, I know you can do it" She says sweetly.

"Me too. Hell if there was something that big in my dick, I'd wake up." And I can hear she brought her husband too.

"Really?" I hear her say to him.

"What? I would." He defends.

"Sweety go get coffee" She says dismissing him. After that I hear footsteps headed away from me.

"You know how he is. As crazy as he can be, I still love him and he's still right. You gotta wake up." She says. "Well… they told me I should keep talking to you. That it would help you wake up so… I guess I'll tell you what happened to you, in case you don't remember" She says.

Yes, please enlighten me. Whatever it was it was serious enough for tubes in opposite ends and enough pain killers to make an elephant O.D.

"Well, you were driving home and you were in a car wreck. A bad one. An eighteen wheeler t-boned you going at least forty miles an hour. On the bright side he hit the passenger side though." She says. I can almost hear the sympathetic smile she has on her face.

"The bastard was drunk and ran the light" She says. Huh… she rarely curses. To be honest I had no idea that I even meant anything to her. I always felt like just another face because she was so nice to everyone, but I guess I do matter to her in some way. "The driver has nothing but a concussion and a few bruises… but you didn't come out so lucky. You hit your head pretty hard which gave you a concussion, on top of that you have five broken ribs, a recently relocated shoulder, a fractured ulna, a cracked femur, and to top it all off, the entire trauma sent you into a coma." She finishes.

A coma? No way… how could that even happen? All of this… from one irresponsible asshole? My body… my body is broken. That's why everything hurts so bad. This wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to go home safely and go to school the next day. I was supposed to be laying in my bed right now. Not in some hospital wondering if I'll ever wake up.

"I came as soon as I heard and seeing as I'm your emergency contact, I was here right after you got here. Of course I had to lie and say I was your aunt to be able to see you, but it was a good thing." She says, a hint of sadness now in her voice. "They didn't think you were going to make it. To be honest I wasn't so sure either. I lost count of how many times you stopped breathing but you pulled through. And if you're wondering where your family is, they're trying to get here. The financial stuff along with the weather hasn't been so kind. But they'll be here soon. So maybe you could wake up and surprise them when they get here?" She asks.

Mrs. Grow I wanna wake up. You have no idea how badly I want to… but I don't know how. I don't know what to do to make myself wake up. I've tried to move and speak but I can't. Please know that I'm trying.

"Cat stopped by a few times." She says. Cat? She did? "She came by once you were stable and they allowed visitors. She was a mess. She really cares for you Tori. I don't think she would have lost it the way she did if she didn't."

I know. And I care about her too.

"She's actually probably here by now. She was on her way when she called about a half hour ago. She insists that I go home and sleep in a real bed for a night or two. Can't say I don't think she's right. These gurneys are just not my bed" She says.

Yeah, and this tube doesn't belong in my urethra.

"Still not awake?" I hear. It's… Cat. She sounds worried. Don't worry Cat. I'm ok. I'll wake up soon. I promise.

"Not yet. But I think She's close." Mrs. Grow says.

"Good. How are you?" Cat asks.

"Tired but good" Mrs. Grow answers.

To be quite honest their conversation kind of faded out from there. I know that I got a kiss on the forehead from Mrs. Grow and a "Stay strong" from Mr. Grow at one point.

"I think about you a lot Tori" Cat says.

I think about you a lot too Cat.

"You need to wake up."

It's silent for a few minutes before she speaks up again.

"You know um… we were close in high school" She says starting to cry a little. "And I feel like I never lost that feeling with you and it means the world to me. So… if you don't wake up… then what is my world? I need you Tori. I don't care about that stupid fight we had the night you were hit, I just want you back here and safe. " Cat says taking my hand.

Come on Tori… do something…

"Please Tori… I need you" Cat cries. And that breaks my heart. Hearing her cry over me when I'm right here. I want to tell her that I'm fine but I can't. I'm trapped in this darkness and I can't reach out to her. She needs me and I have to be there for her. I can't let myself die. Cat _needs_ me-

Cat gasps.

I whimpered. I… I know I did. I heard it. It was weak but it was a whimper.

"Tori?" Cat says completely sober now. You would never guess she had been crying.

"Tori, it's me, Cat. Come on I heard you. Do it again" She says squeezing my hand.

I try every which of ways but can't. I can't and it frustrates me… so much to where I make another noise. There it is. Frustration. Anger. Any some sort of strong emotion.

"Oh my god! Come on Tori, keep trying you're almost there" Cat says starting to freak out.

You know what, one time Trina sneezed in my cereal and then proceeded to tell my parents that I sneezed in hers. You know how mad that made me?

"Mmm"

Well that was a significant noise. How was that Cat?

"Ok… ok… open your eyes Tori. I know you can, please… open your eyes." She says. Jeeze demanding.

Ugh… there's that pain again. And that fuzzy feeling. I don't like it. It's annoying and-Fuck that light is bright! Bright… so bright… but comforting.

And that red… it's… it's… beautiful.

… …. … ….. ….. …. …. ….. …

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes"

"Are you thirsty?"

"No"

"Hungry?"

"No"

"Do you have to pee?"

"Really Cat?"

"Oh yeah… well they said that'll come out soon anyway"

Yeah, just what I needed. To be reminded of a tube violating my body. That's really the last thing I wanted to think about.

So, I should probably fill you in on the past few hours yes?

Well, Cat flipped out and started screaming bloody murder because she was so happy, which caused practically every doctor on this floor and possibly the two floors above and below us to run into my room. My actual doctor managed to calm Cat down and make sure I was still stable. This time I woke up enough to actually make some sort of acknowledgement to the doctor. My vision cleared up about an hour after that, which is also when he felt it was safe to remove the breathing tube. After I was done gagging I didn't even try to talk. I think I was just enjoying the feeling of a closed mouth and control of the air flow in my body.

Speaking of talking, my voice is shit right now. Cat asked probably thirty questions before I was even able to get anything out, and when I did, I sounded like someone had sanded my vocal cords. I sound better now but I'm still really raspy. She's mostly been asking questions for the past few hours while I give one or two worded answers. There's a lot I want to ask but I'm not sure I have the energy to.

Then again… if I fall asleep tonight, god knows when I'll wake up again.

"What happened to my car?" What? It's an important question.

"Totaled…" Cat says hesitantly. I grimace.

"How long was I asleep?"

"Two weeks" She answers. Wow. Two weeks of my life, gone. I know it could've been worse… but it's still pretty insane.

You know what else is kind of weird? The way Cat's looking at me. It's like I'm the most delicate thing she's ever seen. That and she watching me very closely. I mean she is really focusing on me. I don't think she's even blinked in the last five minutes.

"Do I look really messed up?" I rasp. Hey she blinked!

"You look like you've been in a car accident" Cat says partly avoiding the question. That bad huh?

"I'm sorry" I say.

"For what?" Cat asks completely confused.

"For that night" I say.

"Tori it wasn't your fault. Some drunk bastard ran the light and-"

"No not that" I cut her off weakly.

"Then what?"

"For what happened before that." I say turning my gaze to the ceiling. "I should've been more aware of your feelings. Not that you have any towards me, I just… I shouldn't of said everything how I did."

"Tori… don't even worry about that. I don't care if you like me or not, what I care about is you. I care that you're on this earth and that you're still alive. You should've died that night and leaving things how we left them… that doesn't even matter anymore. As far as I'm concerned you matter to me a lot more than stupid argument." Cat says.

"I care about you too" I say after a minute.

Cat lets out a light laugh. "I'm glad."

We sit in silence for a while longer before Cat speaks up again.

"Do you remember anything?" She asks.

"I remember coming to the light and then it goes black" I say.

"What about when you were asleep, did you hear anything anyone said?"

"Not much. I do however remember hearing you say I make a hospital gown look kind of sexy" I say with a smirk. Or well… some sort of face gesture.

"You heard that…" That says monotone.

"Yeah, but I have to admit, I do work these things." I say with my best smile.

"Well hey now, I work them to" Cat defends.

"And how may I ask?"

"Well, I bet I can work it off of you" Cat says with a smirk.

And of course… because even in my condition she… does things to me, my heart monitor goes crazy even though I have a poker face on. Damn you Cat.

"Is everything ok in here? You seem to be-"

"Everything's perfect" I cut the doctor who just stuck his head in off. "I hate you" I say turning my attention back to Cat.

"But you clearly love the teasing" She says with a laugh. "And speaking of but has nothing to do with, it's getting late."

"Yeah, it is." I say.

"So you should sleep. I bet you're tired."

"No I'm not"

"Yes you are. Even now you're fighting to keep your eyes open." She says. "So here, let me turn this off and you can sleep." She says reaching for my light.

"No don't!" I panic. And my heart monitor goes crazy again, but this time for a different reason.

"Whoa whoa, sorry" Cat says retracting her hand like it had been burned.

"Don't turn it off" I say still in a panic.

"Alright Tori, I won't. I promise, just calm down." She says taking my hand.

We again sit in silence for a few minutes while I calm down.

"What was that?" She asks.

"I don't like the dark" I say quietly looking down.

"Why? I thought you were most comfortable in the dark."

"I was… till now. I just… I wanted to wake up and I would try but all I could do was just be in the darkness. I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. I don't want to see it anymore. What if I fall asleep and I don't dream? What if I'm back in the darkness and I don't wake up for another two weeks?" I say trying not to cry.

"Tori slow down. I get it, believe me. You don't wanna feel trapped in something you can't control and I get that." She says. Well yeah… she was blind for a year. And if this is how she felt…

"But you can't let your fear of it control you. Hell, Tori I was afraid to even blink after I regained my sight. I know it's hard but if someone like me can get through it, then in time, you can too." She says. "I'm not gonna let you go Tori. I'm not gonna lose you to the darkness. You trust me right?"

"Yeah" I say without hesitation.

"Then trust me with this." She says." You're going to wake up tomorrow and I'm going to be right here when you do."

It takes me a minute but I finally give her an answer.

"Ok" I whisper. "Just don't leave"

"Wouldn't dream of it" She says, a small smile gracing her lips.

After that she keeps her hand in mine as I close my eyes. It doesn't take long for me to fall asleep. I was so focused on the contact of our hands that sleep blindsided me.

And I did dream by the way. I dreamed of heaven. Light everywhere, no pain or hurting, an overwhelming happiness…

And a red-haired angel named Cat.

…**. … …. ….. ….. ….. … … … …**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms. **

**I bet you're all happy to see me update on time this week. I'm pretty happy about that myself. **

**So what do you think of the chapter? Not much went on, but this is just another stepping stone in the path before us. That was poetic.**

**On to a few of you that bring out my poetic side:**

**SadFace: Lol'd so hard at your review.**

**Valie: Ok 1: You're hilarious. 2: Thank you for those corrections. And 3: Flattered. You as well as everyone else inspires me to write.**

**Meaghan Gibson: Well Ms. Gibson, I believe this one will be a bit more to your liking. Not quite as depressing as the last.**

**Blackguard: I hope I earned a new nickname after this chapter. Haha.**

**I want to kiss all of your faces, but seeing as I can't, just know that I love you all. **

**Alright loves, that's all for this chapter. Till the next one, you remember that formula? Reviews = Love. So spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	15. You're Beautiful

"You alright in there?"

"Yeah, just kind of tired."

"Ok well… don't fall asleep and drown" Cat says through the door.

"Don't worry, I'll let you know if I do" I joke.

"Very funny, I'll be back in a minute" She says before I hear footsteps.

So, if you're wondering what we're talking about, I'm taking a bath. Cat's mostly been outside the door making sure I'm not dead.

It's been a month. A month since the crash. I was finally allowed to come home two weeks ago and I can't say I miss the hospital. At all. Yes, they did eventually take out the catheter when I was strong enough to walk, well, kind of hobble/limp. And let me tell you, they are never doing that to me again. I'm so glad I wasn't conscious when they put it in, because it hurt like a fucking bitch coming back out. It was so terrible.

Anyway, Cat's been taking care of me for the past two weeks. I can get around pretty easily considering the crack in my femur was a small one, so it healed quickly. My wrist and shoulder are a little sore still but they get better every day. My ribs hurt like a bitch on steroids, but as long as I don't move, or stand up, or lay down, or breathe, they don't hurt. And as far as my head goes, I get the occasional headache but besides that I'm fine. Vega genes run thick in the line of healing.

The only thing I'm really worried about is school. I've missed a month of it. Well, sort of. All my professors just sent stuff home for me to do, which I've done, but the only class that I actually have to be present for is figure drawing. Mrs. Grow told me that I'm not missing too much that I can't catch up on by the time I get back.

But that's not my problem.

The male model is. I have to either paint, sketch, or mold a replica of him by the end of the school year to finally get my credit for this class and be done with it. But… it's a dude. A person… with a penis. Not that penises are a turn off or anything, but it's obvious that I can't look at them. And I mean really, I doubt that guy would let me feel him up, including his penis, and not develop an ulterior motive after time.

I said penis an unnecessary amount of times…

Anyway, how the hell am I gonna do this? I mean… well… I have come quite a ways since the beginning of this school year. Maybe I can finally look at someone naked. Maybe Cat didn't just help me, maybe she cured me. Ok… yeah, I got this.

"Tori?" I hear Cat ask through the door.

"Yeah?" I answer.

"Dinner's ready, ready to come out?" She asks.

"No"

"You've been in there for an hour"

"No"

"Tori, don't be difficult"

"No" I say trying to hold in my laughter.

"Tori so help me, injured or not, I will drag you out of there bare ass naked." She says annoyed. I never realized how fun this was…

"Ok fine" I say defeated.

"Do you need me to-"

"No I got it" I cut her off.

Every bath I've taken, she's had to help me undress, get into the tub, and redress but I always make her close her eyes. Technically speaking… Cat's never seen me naked either. Though I'm sure I caught her peaking once, I don't want her to see me. Especially in its current condition. Bruises and cuts = not sexy.

Not that I want to look sexy for her…

…. …. … …. ….. … …..

Fire.

It's like white hot fire. Almost a searing feeling. I'm sweating, writhing, and weak. It's so much pain…

I've never had to feel it. I can't remember the crash and when I woke up from everything, things hurt, but I never felt the full effect of it all. Not like right now. It's almost like being back in a coma. I'm in so much pain but I'm in such a deep sleep I don't think I can wake up enough to do anything about it. I knew I forgot to do something before I went to bed… take my pain medication.

Heavy breathing… ragged… like I'm suffocating. My own chest is too heavy to lift. My lungs are burning for oxygen.

"Tori" It's muffled. Exactly like being back in that damn darkness.

"Tori wake up" She sounds frantic. Cat I can't move… it hurts so bad. The darkness is back… don't let it take me again…

And just like she heard my thoughts, I'm awoken with a hard palm to the cheek. That stung, but it's nothing compared to the rest of my body, and at least it woke me up.

My eyes are open and I'm gasping for air. God it's so dark… why is it so dark…

"Open your mouth" She says sternly, trying to pin down one of my flailing arms. This only causes me to try and push her away from me.

"Tori open your mouth!" She yells trying to shove something into my mouth. I only continue to groan and push her away.

The only things I know right now are that it's dark, I'm in pain, and it's so hot in here. God I can't breathe…

It takes Cat literally climbing on top of me and prying my mouth open for her to get the pill into my mouth. To be honest, I never knew she was so strong.

"Sit up" She says pulling my body up to sit and rest against the headboard. And let me tell you, that. Hurt.

I scream out in pain and confusion as Cat slaps a hand over my mouth.

"Keep it in" She says referring to the pill. She clicks on my lamp on my nightstand and grabs a water bottle. Seeing the light on calms me down just a little, but not enough to rationalize. I have all this pain, I'm terrified, and all I see is Cat. I'm split between pulling myself to her and throwing her off of me. My vision blurs from tears and my head is screaming.

I grab fistfuls of Cat's shirt near her collar and resort to some sort of pushing and then pulling motion. I keep changing my mind. I want her away from me. I want the pain away -I want everything away. But I still want her close… I know she can comfort me somehow. I know she can take it all away…

"Open your mouth" She says grabbing my jaw and forcing the opened water bottle into my mouth. She's calm but focused and keeps giving me commands, hoping that somewhere in my chaos there's a part of me that will understand her.

"Swallow" She says squeezing the bottle so the water floods my mouth. I swallow enough to get the pill down but I also inhale some of it. This causes me to cough and sputter before knocking the water bottle out of her hand.

"God it hurts!" I yell clutching at my chest with one of my hands.

" I know" She says pulling me to her roughly. She actually switches our positions so she can hold me tightly. No matter how hard I try, I can't push her away. I tire out easily struggling against her.

"It's ok Tori…" She whispers repeatedly as I go into crying hysterically.

She holds onto me for at least fifteen minutes before the pain killer finally comes into effect. The nice thing about pain killers, when they hit, they hit hard and fast.

I can feel my insanity edging away as it takes over. The fire in my chest is being put out as the lightness returns to my chest. I take several gulps of air, trying to fill my lungs as quick as possible.

And then, it's gone. I'm lightheaded and the pain is gone. I'm shaking terribly but my breathing and crying has calmed down to just a few sniffles and hiccups. And then I rationalize. I'm awake. The light is on. I'm not trapped in the darkness. Cat's holding me.

I'm ok.

And I end on that as I collide with sleep.

….. …. ….. …. …. …. … … …

Usually I wake up with a jolt.

Ever since the accident that is. Sometime near the end of my dreams everything goes black. As you already know, it scares me. It scares me right into consciousness. Sometimes I'm thankful for it, it makes sure that I wake up. Other times I dread it, I really need to sleep more and the pounding headache I get isn't worth it. This is an everyday occurrence. Even when I take naps. But not today.

I didn't wake up with a start, or with a headache. I woke up peacefully to Cat rubbing my back.

I'm on my side facing away from her, so I simply stare at the wall. I'm kind of afraid to face her. I went berserk last night. I know that if I was in her position, I would definitely not be able to handle it. I wonder if she thinks I'm crazy… or if she's afraid of me now.

"Are you feeling any better?" She asks. How on earth did she know I was awake?

"How'd you know I was a wake?" I ask.

"I didn't. I've just been asking every five minutes just in case" She says. Yupp, she would.

"Right. Yeah, I'm feeling better." I say.

"Sorry I had to shove that pill down your throat last night" She says.

"You're sorry?" I ask turning over to face her. "Cat I'm pretty sure I almost killed you last night. _I'm_ sorry."

"You couldn't help it. You were scared. After I regained my sight, I woke up plenty of times like that, Jade always knew how to calm me down." She says with a slight smile.

"Of course she did" I say laying on my back.

Jade was always there. Jade helped Cat through this and Jade helped Cat through that. Jade's amazing at calming Cat down, Jades amazing at protecting Cat. Jesus she's still the devil, she still doesn't have a heart.

"Are you jealous?" Cat says with a smirk.

"Of what?" I ask not bothering to look at her.

"Of Jade"

At that I almost choked on air.

"Jealous of Jade?" I say turning back onto my side to face her. "You think I'm jealous of Jade?

"Yeah. You're doing your adorable little pout that you do when you're jealous."

"I don't have a jealous pout"

"Yeah, you do. The same one from high school. Believe me, I watched close enough to know what your face does and what those looks mean." She says.

"Creeper"

"You like it"

"Maybe" I say as she giggles.

"So I was thinking… Victoria Vega, will you go on a not-date with me tonight?" She asks.

"Hmm, I don't know." I say with a thinking face.

"Why not?" She asks quirking up an eyebrow.

"Well you see, there's this girl…" I trail off. Ok Vega, play this convincing.

"A girl?" She asks.

"Yeah. She's probably the most amazing person I've ever met and… I was kind of thinking that I would take her to dinner tonight." I say .

"Do I know her?" Cat says taking extreme interest. "Because If I know her than I can probably tell you that she's a slut or something."

"You may know her"

"Then she's a slut. See? Why would you want to go out with someone like that?" She says. Getting a little irritated.

"Cat"

"Yeah?"

"I was talking about you"

"Oh… then she's not a slut…" She trails off blushing.

"Right, and _I_ get jealous?" I ask.

"Uh… so where you taking me?" She asks changing the subject. Alright Cat, I'm feeling generous today so I'll drop it.

"This place…"

"You have no idea yet do you? You just wanted to be the one to ask."

"Pretty much but can you blame me?"

"Yes." She finishes off.

"Fair enough" I laugh.

We lay in silence for a little while till we start to hear the familiar sound of rain outside.

Huh… I think I know where I want to take her now.

"You're not naked" I say randomly. Apparently she sleeps naked, but she's fully clothed right now.

"Disappointed?" She asks.

"Maybe a little" I say earning another giggle from her.

"Of course. Well, I figured after all that's happened, you don't need anything else to traumatize you. So until you aren't having night terrors anymore, I've decided to stay clothed."

That's sweet Cat, but I'm pretty sure other night activities would occur if you decided to stay unclothed.

"Well that's sweet of you." I say rolling back onto my back.

After a minute or two I feel Cat slowly slip her hand into mine, the one resting on my stomach. Out of the corner of my eye I can see a shy smile on her face. I give her hand a slight squeeze and she grins, cuddling into my side.

"You know I think you're beautiful right?" Cat asks quietly.

The only feeling that I can really compare this to is when that semi blindsided me. I definitely never saw that coming.

"I feel like I don't tell that you enough" She says stroking the side of my face.

Honestly… people tell me that all the time. But when Cat says it it's different.

"You're beautiful" She whispers into my ear.

When Cat says it…

It's like I believe it.

… …. … ….. …. … ….. … …..

"You better not be peeking"

"I'm not"

"You better not be lying."

"I'm not Tori. But I really don't see why I have to keep my eyes shut"

"Exactly, you don't see. Ok stop."

I've been walking/driving Cat to the secret place hosting our not-date and now I have her stopped in the best place to take in the look of it all.

"Are you ready?" I ask.

"Since we left your place" She says.

"Ok… open your eyes." I say stepping back to see her expression.

"… And we're at your place" Cat says slowly.

"Yupp" I say with a huge smile.

Yeah, I actually just drove around the block for ten minutes while she tried to guess where we were going. Then I lead her back to my apartment, which I decorated with lit candles and maybe a few rose pedals.

And now that I think about it… this is really stupid. I take her to a fancy ass restaurant and get her fat and happy every time, but today I take her to my living room to eat Papa John's Pizza and watch the rain. Yeah, that's about as romantic as-

"It's perfect." Cat says with a genuine smile.

"Really? You think so? I mean I know I usually take us somewhere nicer…"

"It's perfect Tori. Two of my favorite things in one night" She says sitting on my couch. "The rain"

"And the second thing?" I ask sitting next to her.

"You"

I hate when she does that.

I know it seems weird for me to say after something as sweet as that, but I honestly hate it when she does this to me. Makes me feel… special, I mean. Like I'm her world. I know it seems weird to hate but… it makes me feel… I don' know. Close to her I guess. Like earlier when she said I was beautiful. I wanted to pull her close and never let go. I wanted to melt into her arms. I wanted to do a lot of things.

"Then I guess we have something in common" I say. "Because the rain and you are two of my favorite things too." I am amazing. No idea where I pulled that line out of, but it was amazing.

"Which leads me to my next question…" Cat trails off opening the pizza box.

"Which is…" I urge her to continue.

"You know how we missed Valentine's Day?" She asks grabbing a slice of pizza.

"Yeah." I confirm. That's right. I forgot, I was in the hospital at the time. I usually just ignore it seeing as I'm single.

"Well I've always liked it, mostly because that's my last name, but also because you get to cuddle up next to someone special." She explains before taking a bite.

"Right" I agree before grabbing a slice for myself.

"Yeah well… I was thinking that maybe because we missed it… um… Beck is coming in to town on Friday" She says cutting her sentence off.

"Beck? Beck from high school Beck?" I ask.

She nods. "Yeah apparently he and Jade still keep in touch and he's heading up here for a few days for a movie he's in"

"Beck's in a movie?"

"Yeah. A small part in an independent film but it's still something."

"Wow. Well that'll be cool to see him again" I say. "Anyway, what were you saying about Valentine's Day?"

"Oh… nothing, I forgot" She lies. Yeah, I can easily tell. Cat may be a great actress, but she is terrible at lying to people she's close to.

If she wants me to be her belated Valentine, then I think that that's really sweet. She should ask.

That and I also really want her to be mine. However, we all know that I'm too chicken shit to ask. Not that I think of her in a romantic way anyway right? And she probably doesn't think of me like that either… right?

"Do you like me?" I voice my thought. Nice. Really. Nice going Tori, now Cat's choking on her pizza while you helplessly watch. Maybe I should pat her back. No… I hear that's actually worse. Maybe she needs a glass of water… wait no, she has one.

"Do I what?" She says after she's finally able to breathe again. Oh look everything worked out and I didn't have to do anything.

"Do you uh.. do you like me?"

"Well of course. You're my friend." She says. Huh, point taken Cat.

"Cat" I say monotone.

"Hm?" She says looking up at me innocently.

"You know what I mean"

"I… you're nice. You're a lot of things and… I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Just like you don't know if you like me" She finishes.

Touché.

Unfortunately, that was the last thing said on our not-date. I'm serious. I guess the tension was a little thick for her liking because shortly after that she said she should stay at her place tonight. Then she left.

I don't feel bad. It was a question that needed to be asked. I needed to know how she felt and now I know that I'm not alone in this. This… struggling with my feelings. Sometimes I feel like I like her more than a friend, and other times I feel like being friends is as far as we need to go. I mean, a relationship could destroy us. Our friendship. It's one of the best and most meaningful friendships I've ever had and I don't want to risk losing it. I have two options in this and only one has a lifetime guarantee.

Either we stay friends forever and nothing changes, or we go into a romantic relationship and risk getting hurt to the point of ending our friendship. Two choices, three outcomes. Nothing changes, we fall in love, or we never see each other again. I really just want to play this safe. Stick to what I know.

_"Ok, what's wrong now?"_

I honestly don't even remember getting my phone to dial Trina… yet here I am.

"I don't know what to do. I have a decision to make and I know what I want to do, but it doesn't feel right. " I say.

_"Then it's not right"_ She says simply. That easy? No way.

"No Trina, you don't understand. Either we stay friends or we date and risk our entire relationship. This could all be blown to hell"

_"I understand perfectly. And this could also be blown to heaven. You're doing what you always do Tori."_

"Which is?" I ask curious.

_"Letting your head get in the way of your heart. I know that school is important to you and I know that this friendship is important to you, but what if you miss the best thing that could happen to you because of it? What have you got to lose by taking a chance on this? I was serious before and I'm serious now, find your person Tori. The one who make you feel like life is worth it. The one that you could see every day. The one who won't let you go. The one that makes you think of the rain. The one you know you could love" _She says.

"What if I mess it up?" I ask quietly.

_"Then you learn from it and find the one you do belong with. The friendship will take care of itself. Love doesn't play it safe, and neither should you if you ever want to find out"_

She's… Trina has a brain. Besides that astounding revelation, she's completely right. If it wasn't meant to be then I'll find out. But if this ends up being my future… then I'd never forgive myself for passing it up.

"Thanks" I say quieter.

_"Anytime baby sister. Find your person" _She says before I hear the line go dead.

My head is telling me that it isn't worth it. But I know that that I want to try this. That's the only way I'll ever know. If I fall in love, then great. If it all fails then my brain can say "I told you so".

Someone who makes me feel like life is worth it? Someone I want to see every day? Someone who won't let me go… who won't lose me to the darkness? Someone who makes me think of the rain? Someone I could see myself loving?

Trina… I think I may have found that person.

….. ….. … … ….. …. ….. …. … …

It's Monday morning.

Today I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna ask Cat out. Not on a not-date. A date date. A _real_ date. Trina was right, I don't think I can handle not knowing what could happen if Cat and I really go somewhere. I know exactly what I'm gonna do and say. I even rehearsed it in the mirror for an hour before I got here.

Granted I haven't spent much time on the thought of seeing a man naked today… but I figure the class could use another Tori Trauma before the end of the year. And yes, they do call it that.

"Alright everyone, class will start after our male model gets here." I hear Mrs. Grow say.

Perfect, now where is my phone… I have what I'm supposed to say in it and I wanna reread it again.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for-Cat" I say as I realize who I'm talking to.

"Well I'm right here" She says setting her stuff down next to me.

"I know you aren't on my side of the room anymore, but do you still mind watching my stuff?" She asks.

"Not at all" I say with a goofy smile plastered to my face.

"Are… are you ok?" She asks with a concerned look.

"I'm perfect. Why wouldn't I be?" I ask.

"Is this about last night? Look I'm sorry I ran out on you, you just… we both know how that conversation ends between us." She says sliding her hands into her back pockets.

"Well… I actually did want to talk about it." I say as she quirks up an eyebrow. "But this time it's not gonna end with you pissed off and me in a coma." I finish.

She giggles at that. "Then how exactly is it gonna end?" She asks.

"Well…" Oh my god… how is it gonna end?

My mind went completely blank the moment she asked that. I have no idea what the heck I was going to say to her. Oh god… WHERE IS MY PHONE?

I immediately disregard Cat's adorable waiting face and shove my arm into my bag frantically searching for my phone.

"What are you doing?" Cat asks after a moment.

"Phone" I whine sticking my head into my bag.

"Well jeeze Tori, here, I'll call it" She says.

"No!" I scream into my bag.

_"Let's roll the dice and see where they land,_

_Although at times it may get out of hand,_

_Maybe this might be a hit and miss,_

_But I think we should try this"_

Of course… my phone would be in my back pocket.

I slowly pull my face out of my bag to see Cat's completely baffled one. I grab my phone out of my back pocket and quickly silence it, keeping my eyes on her the entire time.

"Alright everyone, if you would take your seats. And it seems that you're in luck Ms. Vega our male model quit on us due to… personal problems" Mrs. Grow says.

"Like genital herpes" Mr. Grow finishes. The class laughs and I can only imagine the glare Mrs. Grow is giving to her husband.

"Yes so we've managed to snag a replacement, but unfortunately that means we all have to start over." Mrs. Grow says.

"T-Try this?" Cat asks ignoring the professors.

"Uh…" Clever Tori.

"Do you mean it? I mean… are you serious about this?" She asks with hopeful eyes.

"I…" I start to say.

"So I would like to introduce to you all our new figure model, James DeMarco." Mrs. Grow says.

And that name… that name right there stops my sentence dead where it was.

My eyes tear away from Cat's and land on cobalt blue ones. Ones I haven't seen in three years. And just when things started to make sense with Cat…

Meet James DeMarco. My first real love.

**... …. … ….. … …. ….. …. ….. …**

**Dun dun dunnnn. Hello my Lotus Blossoms.**

**So… how about that for a cliff?**

**I'm sorry if it was a bit of a rushed/choppy chapter, I had a lot to cover and not much time to do it.**

**Which brings me to, sorry for the late update. Blame Modern Warfare 3. Went to the release party, got it at the midnight launch, beat the campaign, been playing live. Not that I'm bragging…**

**Anyway, sorry for the wait.**

**And to a few of you patient people:**

**Energywelder: Beautiful my friend. Simply beautiful.**

**SadFace: Well thank you. And if I wasn't already throwing myself at RiddleMeThisBatman, I would possibly take you up on that offer. Haha. **

**Meaghan Gibson: I'm glad you liked it Ms. Gibson. As far as the Grows go, they're actually based off of people I knew. **

**ADK-girl: 250th review? You are special with or without that number.**

**ZenNoMai: Well then, I'm glad to add you to the family.**

**Alright, I have to give an ultimate shout out to JustAdorkable379. You brought the most ridiculous smile to my face ever. For like ten minutes. Though I feel I'm not worthy of such praise, it meant a lot. Make me proud.**

**Also, Tori's ringtone is a song called "Try This" by J.R.A. **

**Alrighty then loves, that's all for this chapter. Until my next update that should be on Tuesday, Reviews = Love. So spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	16. This Is My Chance

**Ok so before we begin, if you want to get a feel of what James looks like, Google Luke Guldan. Preferably the pictures of him looking less ripped and with his shorter hair… not that I actually went through all the pictures of him. Yes, I do realize he's an underwear model and no... I definitely don't have a problem with that…**

**But the face is really all that matters... though I think we can all appreciate his hotness. A lot.**

**Anyway I recommend Googling him then you should see what I want to make babies with-I mean, what James looks like. But for those of you with lurking parentals… maybe you should wait till you're alone. You should also take the time to find one of him smiling so you can kind of get the gist of it all.**

**Ok, on to the chapter.**

…**.. …. … ….. …. ….. ….. … ….. ….**

Fuck my life.

After everyone's half assed nod he started walking towards me. Eyes trained on mine. They're just as beautiful as I remember.

"Hey" He says with his sweet smile as he reaches me.

"Hi" I say as I can't help but return the smile.

"How are you?" He asks.

"I'm… good" I say holding out gaze.

A lifetime in a moment. That's what's happening right now. Looking into his eyes I can see every minute of our past playing in them. From why I fell in love with him to why we had to part. Everything.

"So who's your friend?" Cat asks slowly.

Oh yeah… she's still here.

"Oh, right. Cat… this is James DeMarco. My uh… my ex boyfriend." I say finally breaking eye contact with him to look at Cat. Here brows are slightly furrowed at first, then shoot up as it dawns on her.

"James James? James, guy who took your virginity James?" She asks. Aw jeeze Cat…

As it takes everything in me not to face palm, I answer her. "Yes Cat, _that_ James"

He smiles again and laughs a little. "I see you've told her about me"

"Yeah…" I trail off embarrassed.

"It's nice to meet you" James says reaching his hand out to Cat.

"Yeah you too" Cat says shaking his hand. "Cat Valentine"

"Alright everyone, class can now officially start. Models take your places" Mrs. Grow says.

"Well, I better go. I talk to you after class?" He asks.

"Yeah" I say as he smiles again before walking to the platform.

Cat is silent as she walks away from me and back to her side of the room, not that I really payed attention. I'm too focused on _him_. I never in a million years thought that I'd see him again, yet here he is. Even after three years, I still get that warm comforting feeling from his smile. Kind of like I just want him to hold me.

He takes off his shirt to reveal his incredibly toned torso. Wow, he's really been working out. He was ripped before, but I guess now this is prime figure modeling material. And… and…

God just seeing his chest brings back memories. All the times we hugged. All the times we would hang out at the beach. All the times I would lay my head against it sleeping peacefully. All the times I spent pressed under it while our bodies intertwined…

I _really_ loved him.

… ….. …. …. … … ….. …. ….. ….

I know his body.

I know every inch of it. It's in my memory forever. Trust me it's not something you forget. It's a good thing though right? Now my class this semester will be a breeze. I can't fail. I'm finally going to get my credit.

My academics are made easy, but my life just got hard.

It was on the tip of my tongue. I finally knew what I wanted with Cat and then the mother of all bombs was dropped on me. And Cat… I don't even know how she's feeling right now. After class she told me she needed my keys to get some of her stuff out of my apartment that she had left. Considering I needed to talk to James anyway, I gave her my apartment key and told her to leave it under the welcome mat.

That was about five minutes ago and I have yet to get out of the nurses office to find James.

Yes, you heard me right. Even though I know James body more than my own, that's still no excuse for my phobia. I passed out within the first five minutes and Mr. Grow had to drag me here.

"Is it safe to say you haven't changed a bit?" I hear.

"In that area yes." I say turning to look at James standing in the doorway.

"Yet you're taking figure arts?" He asks.

"Yeah it's a long story"

"You know I like stories"

"That I do" I say with a laugh.

"Why don't we go grab some coffee when you get out of here?" He asks.

"Sounds great." I say.

"Good. I-" James continues on about some coffee shop he's been wanting to go to, while I focus in on my own thoughts.

I would say that I'm dreaming, but because I passed out and already woke up from that, I know I'm not asleep. This is all real and now I get the chance to ask questions that I've always wanted to in the off chance that I ever saw him again.

This is my chance.

… …. ….. ….. … ….. … …. ….. …

"The Hot Spot?" I ask with a smile.

"Yeah, you've been here?" He asks.

"Yeah, maybe once or twice…"

_**Flashback**_

"_So… what exactly happened earlier?" Cat asks as the waitress brings us our coffee._

"_It's nothing really…"_

"_Tori, if it was just the nervous breakdown, then I wouldn't be so worried. But after all of that you passed out onto your easel then proceeded to roll off of it and onto the floor taking two other students down with you. It's not nothing." She says with a knowing look._

"_Fine, it's not nothing but it is kind of embarrassing." I say trying to stop myself from blushing._

"_Well you can tell me. You used to tell me embarrassing things all the time in high school." She reasons._

"_Truth, but Cat this goes beyond my latest crush or last night's wet dream." I state. Why on earth did I ever tell her about those anyway?_

"_I don't see the difference, just tell me." She begs. I look over at her and… that was a big mistake._

_Back in high school I would've said that I love how adorable Cat is with her innocent little mind and big brown eyes, but right now, she's using it against me like her life depends on it. Her eyes are begging me to spill everything let her in on this little problem I have. If you've ever looked directly into Cat's eyes, then you'd know that resistance is futile. Perfect._

"_Fine." I sigh._

"_Yay!" She says with a small bounce._

"_Well… I have this problem and it has to do with nudity I guess"_

"_Nudity? Why? It's so freeing. Like there are no boundaries on my skin" She says hugging herself._

"_It's not that I'm afraid of it, I think, it just makes me extremely uncomfortable. I've always been that way."_

"_Really? If it's that bad then why are you taking Figure Arts?"_

"_Would you take me as a serious artist if I told you that I couldn't look at someone naked without passing out or going into cardiac arrest?" I ask._

_**End Flashback**_

"Oh, well then you can tell me what to get" He says holding the door open for me.

"By the window I presume?" I ask pointing at tables to sit at.

"As always" He says with a grin. Of course I remembered.

After we sit down, the first five minutes of our conversation is just us looking at each other.

"You're so beautiful" He says. I can't help the blush that forms on my cheeks at hearing that.

"You always say that"

"And I always mean it"

Dear god… why did I ever let him go?

Which brings me to, "Where have you been?" I ask.

"Everywhere… nowhere." He says. "You?"

"Just California then here." I answer. "How's the band?"

"I wouldn't know." He says.

"Why not?"

"I quit"

"You… you quit? Why? When?" I ask almost not believing it.

"About two and a half years ago. I uh… I needed to find what I wanted."

"I thought music was what you wanted?"

"It is… but something amazing happened" He says leaning in closer.

"And what's that?" I ask leaning in.

"I found something I wanted more" He says.

"Which is?"

"You"

If there was any moment when I needed to hear a record scratch, it would be now. Did I just hear that right? He wanted _me_ more than his music? But… that's why we broke up. I wanted art, he wanted music.

"I don't… follow" I say slowly.

"After I got that plane I thought I'd be ok ya know? When we ended it we left everything wide open. Nothing was really set in stone. I figured I could move on without closer though. But the thing is, you don't forget about a person like you Tori." He says taking my hand.

"I… you're not exactly the easiest person to forget either" I say honestly.

"There wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about you. Once you've had the best… you can't really go back" He says taking my other hand into his.

"But… how does all this tie into what's happening right now?" I ask.

"Right, well, I-" He starts but gets cut off by his phone ringing.

_"There is love, burning to find you,_

_Will you wait for me?_

_And still I want ,and still I ache,_

_But still I wait, to see you again"_

His expression goes blank before his face goes a light shade of pink.

I guess you know where I get the ringtone thing from huh?

"Well… I guess that kind of explains it. I uh… I quit to find you" He says after he silences his phone.

"You… you quit your life to find me?" I ask. you have to know that that sounds crazy to me. I mean this is his life.

"Of course I did. I've been looking for you ever since" He says.

"For two and a half years?" I whisper.

"Yeah… I knew you loved art and I knew that regardless of your phobia, you'd try to pass a figure arts class." He pauses with a smile. I don't like where this is going… "The first year I did a figure modeling job at USC and at AAU hoping you'd be there. Then I did another year at a few other schools in California. I kind of feel like an idiot now though" He says.

"For becoming a nudist to find me?" I ask.

"No" He says with a laugh. "For not remembering that you always wanted to go to New York. SVA is the number one here and after I got a call about my application, I flew out and… here you are" He says with a smile.

I honestly can say that I've never seen more love in anyone's eyes than I'm seeing in James' right now.

My god… he did all that… for me?

"You did all of that for me?" I voice my thought.

"Yeah. Something just kind of… happened. One day I realized that I couldn't imagine life without you. You're the one I want to see every day. Your worth all of it Tori. You make me feel like…" he trails off looking down for a moment.

"L-like what?" I barely get out.

"Like when I hear music" He says looking up at me with misty eyes.

Oh my god… I'm his person. The one he loves more than his passion.

I'm speechless. I don't know what to say to him. My emotions are going crazy at hearing all of this… hearing how much he still loves me. But I'm not sure how to respond.

"I'm sorry for dropping this bomb on you. I know that it's a long shot that you even feel the same way, but you needed to know. And hopefully… we can get closer or… we could maybe love each other again. I just… I feel like this is my chance." He finishes.

"I um…" I say with a shaky voice after a moment. "Can I think about this?" I ask.

"Yeah of course. Take all the time you need" He says squeezing my hands. "Look I need to get back to my apartment, but take it easy. Think about it. I'll see you Thursday" He says quietly.

She looks into my eyes for a moment longer before leaning forward and pressing his lips to my forehead. He pulls back and smiles before he walks out of the café, leaving me in my thoughts.

God what about Cat? She's what I want right? At least I thought she was. I don't know anymore. Granted I wasn't exactly sold on asking her out in the first place, but still, I think she really wanted me to ask her out today. Cat doesn't usually let on to an emotion like she did today. She literally just laid it all out for me, practically begging me to ask. What if she really does like me like that?

"Hey lady" I hear breaking me out of my thoughts. "Expecting someone?"

"Oh… no no, sit" I say with a smile. "I didn't know you knew this place existed."

"Really? At this point I'm pretty sure I know of every coffee house in New York." She says taking a seat. "Plus, I was across the street about to go into that café, when I saw you in this one. After our nude model walked out, I figured I'd say hello. You look like you have a lot on your mind." She finishes with a concerned look.

"It's complicated."

"Tori, I think you're a bit old for teenage angst. I'm sure whatever it is, is easier than you think." Mrs. Grow says.

"Right, my ex-boyfriend whom I haven't seen in three and a half years just reappears after quitting his lifelong dream to look for me for the past two and a half years of his life, whilst I have been starting to grow feelings for someone else who in every way deserves to be happy, unfortunately right before I was about to ask her out for the first time, my ex popped back into my life finally finding me and confessing his undying love for me." I say in one breath.

"Wow" She says wide eyed.

"Yeah, it _is_ that complicated" I say.

"Well what do you want?" She asks.

"A latte"

"I mean out of this situation, what do you want" She says with a laugh.

"I… I want to do what's best for everyone."

"Tori you're missing the point. What you want is going to agree and disagree with what someone wants here. What's best for you is going to have to be what's best for them, whether they like it or not. "

"But I don't think I can bring myself to hurt them. James is great and I know that I could easily love him again, but Cat is just… I don't know. She makes me feel things." I say.

"Wait Cat? Our nude model? So that's who you like… I was right, my husband can suck it." She says more to herself.

"You guys talk about who I like?" I ask.

"Eh, we notice things. We have to put up with all of you for a year so we eventually catch on to what's happening between students."

"Makes sense" I say with a shrug.

"Yeah, and now he owes me thirty bucks." She says with a cocky smile.

"I worry about you two sometimes"

"You should. So you have to choose between our nude models?" She asks.

"Yeah" I say dropping my gaze to the table.

"This screams irony"

"That it does…"

We sit in silence for a bit more as I think.

"So what are you thinking?" Mrs. Grow asks.

"I'm thinking the wiser decision is James." I answer.

"But is he what you want?" She asks.

"How exactly do I "know" what I want?" I say bringing my eyes back to hers.

"Well… what does your heart tell you? What does it want?"

"I don't know" I say.

She sighs. "Do you really not know, or are you avoiding the answer?"

Funny, I don't even wanna answer that question. I don't want to find the answer. I don't want to let my head or my heart to go there.

"My suggestion, go with your heart. It may have landed me with the craziest man on the planet, but my head knows that I couldn't live without him." She says standing up to leave.

She pats my shoulder one more time before, just like James, she leaves me to sit in my thoughts.

Well what now? Even Mrs. Grow has something to say about all this. I don't think anyone really knows what's happening though. Sure, I could go with my heart and choose one or the other, but my heart knows no finesse. It's black and white. Mrs. Grow has a heart of gold so it's no wonder her love life worked out. Sure she may be right… but my head doesn't think so.

This thing with Cat has been building for a while now and just seems like the obvious choice, especially after all we've been through. But James confessed his undying love for me after spending two and a half years of his life searching for me.

They want me to make a decision. I either make James' two and a half year search worth it, or tell him that he threw his life away. And I either tell Cat that all this is going somewhere, or that is stops here.

…. …. … …. ….. …

I'm frustrated.

I just got back to my apartment and am currently taking my jacket off.

What do I do now? I have two amazing people that both want… well, one wants me and the other one is kind of dodgy on that subject. None the less I have a decision to make. I either try things with Cat, or have a concrete relationship with James. It's obvious which one sounds better… but I don't know, I don't feel like I can just drop Cat after all we've been through… but I can't just leave James where he is. He quit his passion and spent two and a half years looking for me. But Cat has invested a lot of herself in me too…

Ugh!

"Why is everything so hard?" I sigh plopping down onto my couch.

Ok Tori, compare and contrast.

James can give you babies, Cat cannot. Cat knows exactly how to read what I need, James… not so much. James would be my protector, Cat would probably be the one accidently injuring me. James has amazing sex, Cat has amazing-er sex…

Truth. James knows what he's doing when it comes to sex but Cat… I mean… she's… wow. Granted we've only done it twice but both times she blew my mind. Touch was her everything at one point so it gives her the extra edge there. She knows where exactly to touch to get the desired reaction. James has a lot more muscle in it… literally. James focuses on me getting off, Cat focuses on _how_ I get off.

Only comparing the sex, that's not shallow at all. Ok then, back to their qualities…

James is… uh… and Cat… yeah she's… yupp, my brain is officially skewed, I'm horny.

And frustrated on top of all that. Things were easy till this morning and now I have to make a life changing decision not only for me, but two other people. Someone's gonna end up happy and the other, heartbroken.

Ok Tori let's just not think about this now. Go take a cold shower or something.

Yeah, I'll take a cold shower and stop thinking about sex.

…sex.

Fuck it, this is hopeless.

I usually feel really dirty for doing something like this but I figure I've had a long and stressful day, so why not? I'm the only person judging me, so if I ignore my conscience, I should be fine right?

I put way to much thought in defending my right for masturbation.

After looking around for whatever the reason, I casually unzip my jeans and pop the button. I stand up so I can pull them, along with my panties, down to my ankles before sitting back down.

Jesus Tori, are you really gonna do this on your couch? Where people sit when they come over?

It's my couch and I'll do what I want on it.

Should I be worried that I argue with myself…?

I shake my thoughts out of my head as I slowly trail my hand up the inside of my thigh. I situate my hand between my legs and take a deep breath. What? This is big for me! This will be the third time in history that I've ever done this. Leave me alone.

I hesitantly start to rub myself in slow circles, my nervousness etching away. I close my eyes and lean my head back against the couch. I slowly let out a breath and relax as I apply more pressure. Yupp… that feels good.

Why on earth don't I do this more often?

I let out the smallest whimper as I start to feel more of the effects of what I'm doing. I may also be thinking about Cat…

"Oh Cat…" I breathe.

That girl does things to me. From the way her fingers move to the dirty things she whispers in my ear… god you have no idea what she does to me.

And her tongue… where do I even start? Single handedly the most talented thing ever. We all know how much she talks, so that must've given her good practice.

As much as you wouldn't guess it, Cat has quite the ass. Sometimes I have to stop myself from staring whenever I walk behind her.

Hmm… what else… oh, her breasts. They're perfect. I think my favorite part about them is how easily her nipples harden when I play with them. And it helps that she loves it when I do that. I've learned that she's quite sensitive there. If I'm too preoccupied with other things, she'll take care of them herself.

Dear lord and how wet she gets when…

"Cat…" I moan.

I can easily feel myself starting to hit that peak of no return. The most obscene things start going through my head as I imagine Cat and I doing… a lot of things.

As my breathing becomes a little more ragged I decide to take this a little further. I slowly slide one finger into myself and start a slow pump in and out, my wetness making this quite easy.

How about the way she moans? Cat, is not a quiet person and has no shame in that. I'm sure by now my neighbors have heard her moaning all those dirty words I never thought I'd hear.

Again, we've only done it twice, but believe me when I say that twice was plenty of time to catch on to Cat's antics.

I start to pump in and out of myself a little faster and allow myself to moan loudly. At this point, I don't care who hears me.

God what I would give to go at it again with her. She's a goddess in bed and I would easily give in to her. Or maybe even the other way around, seduce her and make her mine. Tie her down and take her hard and fast…

"Fuck me…" I moan.

My hand starts to pick up speed as I add another finger and build to my release.

What comes out of my mouth mostly consists of "Cat" and "Fuck" at this point, over and over, and over again. I feel my walls start to clench and my abdominal muscles flex as I start to tip over the edge.

"God Cat I'm gonna come…" I struggle to get out.

And right then, through the midst of me fucking myself and starting to orgasm I hear this:

"Hey Tori I-Oh my god!" Hearing her voice makes me smash into my orgasm… and at the same time realize what's happening…

My eyes pop open and I quickly pull my fingers out, in hopes that I might stop it from coming but... it's already way too late. The most I can really do is grab one of the couch pillows and hold it over my lap, which I do, but I don't think it's going to help much.

Unfortunately, Cat watches as my hands are clamped down on the pillow pushing it into my lap harder as I orgasm. I let out a string of moans I so desperately tried to hold back, but when these things hit, there's no stopping them. So she stands there wide eyed as I writhe , moan, and can't keep my legs together. I do this for a good fifteen seconds, practically humping the pillow, before my little moment passes and everything relaxes.

Check for the most embarrassing moment in my entire life.

I'm sweating and breathing hard as I look up at Cat with what I'm sure is a petrified look on my face. I can't believe she just saw… and heard me do that that.

"I'm… really sorry" She says slowly.

"Uh" It comes out weak. "I didn't…" Honestly… what the hell am I supposed to say? I can't lie to her and tell her I wasn't doing what I was doing. She clearly saw everything…

"There's really no way out of this is there?" I ask weakly.

"No" She says shaking her head. "I went back to my place to eat before I came over here to get my stuff… I figured I would be gone before you came back home…" She trails off.

"How… how much did you see?" I ask not able to make eye contact with her.

"Enough" She says simply.

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough"

"I mean… when did you realize I was…" I trail off.

"Well you said "Oh Cat" So I thought you were calling me or something so I walked out and… there you were" She says.

Perfect… … … wait.

"Wait wait… Cat I said that when I started…" I say finally making eye contact.

"Yeah well… I didn't have the heart to stop you" She says.

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.

"You watched me masturbate?" I screech. Oh my god!

"Ok honestly, can you blame me?" Cat defends.

"Yes! That was a personal moment!" I yell.

"I hardly call it personal when I was so heavily involved" She smirks. My face instantly goes red.

"Then what was that with the whole, "Hey Tori I-Oh my god!" Thing earlier?" I whine.

"Well I figured that you would eventually open your eyes when you finished so instead of it being all awkward I just acted like I walked in" She defends again.

"Oh my god" I say letting my head hit the back of the couch.

"Don't feel bad, it was quite the performance" She says. I instantly lift my head back up and glare at her.

"We never speak of this again. We both forget this ever happened"

"No promises"

"I mean it Cat"

"That's not fair" She says crossing her arms.

"How is it now fair?" I ask.

"You get to think about me when you get horny, yet I can't think about you or _this_ whenever I'm home alone?" She says.

"What-no… I… you think about me whenever you're home alone?" I ask. "_That_ often?"

"…No" She says realizing what she let out.

"You do realize you just admitted to-"

"You're right let's forget this ever happened." She says walking to my door and letting herself out.

Right… this day just keeps getting better and better.

And she's home alone **a lot**.

Ok you see this? This right here is pulling for me to be with Cat. The awkwardness, just the fact that I got caught, the fact that Cat can still manage to make our grounds even.

But then again it's mostly sexual right?

James and I connected on a deeper level. Not saying that Cat and I don't, because we've plenty of deep moments…

Ugh.

I did this to **forget** about my problems not think about them more. God why is everything so hard?

"It's your chance Tori" I say to myself.

Right, this is my chance, so the universe won't let me forget it.

…**. … ….. … …. … …. … ….**

**Hey everyone. I know this chapter is extremely late, sorry for that, but life just took an extreme unfortunate turn. No need to ask if I'm ok, because I'll go ahead and tell you I'm not. I'm not usually one to be emotional over the internet, but this isn't just teenage angst we're talking about.**

**Don't let the chapter fool you, this was all written before the ordeal.**

**Until the grieving gets easier and I can cope better, I can't promise a chapter every Tuesday, or even at all, for a while. Please understand.**

**A.Y.P.**


	17. Always Will Be

Sometimes my heart hurts. I can't really explain why, it just does. I don't know if it's some sort of sympathy pain or just me being sensitive, but do you ever feel that way? Your heart twists for whatever reason and the process of untwisting is unbearably slow. Like you just want to tear it out, maybe that will give you a moment of peace. Depressing right? Yeah, we'll I'm having one of those days. I'm not really sure why I'm hurting so bad.

"Please stop" I whisper placing a hand over my heart.

I've been watching the rain for hours. It's providing a sort of comfort but not enough to be significant. Not enough to help me figure out why the hell I'm hurting so much.

_"You know I'm eventually gonna start charging you for these therapy sessions"  
><em>  
>What...? Oh... dammit! Why do I always end up calling Trina when life gets hard? And the worst part is that I don't even realize I do it.<p>

"What if this time I just want to say hello?"

_"Tori, need I remind you again that you're related to me? You are selfish in some way, embrace it. Now what do need?"_ she says.

"My heart hurts" I say quietly.

_"What? Jesus Tori, go to the doctor!" _Trina screams.

"Not my actual heart Trina, I meant emotionally" I roll my eyes.  
><em><br>"Oh... well why does it hurt?"_

"I don't know. It just feels like it's twisted and won't fix itself."

_"Well what do you have going on right now?"_ she asks.

"Just the usual, school."

_"Well how's Cat? Did something happen with her?"_

"No... well, kind of. I mean it's really not that big. Remember James? My ex?" I ask.

_"James... wait, guy who took your virginity James?"_ Trina rushes out intrigued. Why does everyone only know him as that? That was not the only thing that was significant about him.

"Yes, him." I sigh annoyed. "Well long story short, he kind of popped back into my life after a long exaggerated sap story of his life. He really loves me Trina. And this is what I was talking about remember? I wanted something stable and permanent-"

_"You mean familiar and safe?"_ she cuts me off.

"No, that's not what I meant. Anyway, it's what I wanted and now here it is." I say.

_"But you don't want it."_

"I didn't say that." I retort.

_"You didn't have to Tori."_ She sighs. "_Your heart's not being twisted, it's being pulled. It's being pulled in two different directions and if you don't tell someone to let go, they'll pull you apart."_

I don't speak after this. Yet again, she's right. This is tearing me apart.

"I thought I knew" I say quietly after a minute.

_"You did. And I think you still do."_

That's the last thing said in our conversation. Now that... I can't admit that she's right about that. She can't be. James is the smarter choice. Always was.

Always will be.  
>... ... ... ... ... ... ... …<p>

"Play the one about the tree"

"I already have. Twice."

"Please?"

"Oh jeez, fine Tori"

I like the one about the tree. It's just so calming.

If you wondering what I'm talking about, let me fill you in. James is over and he brought his acoustic guitar. He's been serenading me all day, playing whatever I ask him to play. This specific song however is my favorite.

Back when we were dating, he went through a period of having the worst writers block I've ever seen. Granted we had other band members to write songs, but no one was as good as James. He is phenomenal with a pencil and paper almost more than he is on the drums. That and he could play every instrument better than anyone in the band could. Even his voice is amazing. Anyway, he had the worst writers block so I told him to close his eyes and when he opened them, the first thing he saw he had to write a song about. It just so happened to be a tree.

It was just a simple song about the things he saw. The colors, the branches, what it made him think of. It's by far my favorite thing that he's ever written. It doesn't even have a name, I just call it the tree song.

We've pretty much spent every day together sense the day he walked back into my life, which has been about a week. It's probably been the most relaxing week of my life. We've just hung out, watched movies, cuddled on the couch, just an array of different things. He's been here in my apartment since we left school today. It was raining so I made him get his guitar. Nothing is better than him singing with the rain in the background.

"Ok, have I satisfied your tree fetish?" He asks ending the song.

"No." I say with a smile, earning a glare from him.

"Of course not. Well, before I continue the lumberjack woes, I need soda" He says moving my feet of his lap and getting up. "Want anything?" He asks heading into my kitchen.

"Surprise me" I sigh.

It only takes him a minute to grab the soda's and get back to the couch, of course there was the slight delay from him running his shin into my coffee table, but after that we were good. He opens them and then takes a sip out of his coke.

"Why did you keep looking for me?" I blurt out. At this he inhales some of the sip he was taking, starts choking, spills his coke into his lap, stops choking, sprints to go get a towel, trips over my coffee table again, and face plants on the other side.

I really feel like I should've tried to help him or something but you know, eh.

"Are you okay?" I ask, peering over the back of the couch.

"Uh huh" I hear muffled from the carpet.

"Are you sure?" I ask getting up and walking over to him.

"Yeah, I'm usually this graceful so I'm used to it." He says removing his face from my carpet.

"Sorry about that. It's just been on my mind a lot this week. It wasn't supposed to come out like that." I say sitting down next to him

"It's ok, I like surprises." He says rolling off his stomach to sit up with me. "What exactly do you mean by, why did I keep looking for you?"

"I just… why did you spend two and a half years looking for me? That's a ridiculous amount of time to dedicate yourself to a hunch. You had no idea where I was or if you'd ever find me." I say as he faces me.

"I understand. I know it seems so stupid looking back at it but… I love you. It's a crazy thing to find someone you love more than your passion. It's like this drive, this extra energy that you had no idea you had. Everything just pointed to you. Granted signing up to be a nude model isn't exactly the best way to go about it, but it still found me you. And I mean, it's not all I did, I got to meet some amazing people and play music at the local cafés. It wasn't this long drawn out suffering of depression and anxiety, it was simply me looking for the girl I love but still living my life." He says.

"It doesn't seem so stupid now…" I trail off.

"It doesn't. What was stupid was letting you go in the first place. Tori, I know you don't feel this toward me now, or maybe you never will, but when you love something… love it like I love you, trust me when I say you'd swim across the ocean to find it." He finishes.

"I see."

I really don't know how to follow that up. I mean I guess I know what he's saying. But it still seems too vague. So irrational. He just jumped and prayed that eventually he would find me. Who does that? Oh right, people who have experienced this deep love that he's talking about.

I just don't get it. Did he jump by trying to find me or did he jump to see if he had fallen this deeply in love with me? Maybe that's what I should do. Just jump.

And hope to God, that someone catches me.

… … …. … …. …. …. … …

Oh coffee, you complete me.

You also give me headaches, make me addicted to you, make me crazy, and give me nightmares. But don't worry, I will always love you.

If you haven't already guessed, I am in fact at The Hot Spot. This is my…fifth shot of espresso? I think so. Eh, anyway, why am I pounding all the caffeine you ask? No idea, just felt like it. I got here like an hour ago and just kept ordering. It keeps my brain racing rather than leaving it to analyze all the things I don't want to think about. Things like C-

"Is this seat taken?"

"Cat" I say slightly surprised. "No no, sit." I say. Perfect. The exact thing I've tried to av-

"Are you avoiding me?" She asks after she sits down.

"No." Lies.

"You haven't been answering your phone."

"I guess I didn't hear it" Slander.

"I texted."

"I've just been busy" You're going to hell.

"With James?" She asks looking right into my eyes. Well, can't lie now.

"I guess" I say holding her gaze.

"Does he like you?"

"He loves me"

"Do you love him?"

"Why does it matter?"

She scoffs. "Why are you being difficult?" She asks.

"Why are you prying?" I ask.

"I'm not trying to fight with you, I'm just asking a few questions. I haven't even talked to you in a week Tori, can you really blame me for being clueless?" She asks.

"No." I sigh. "No, you're right, I'm sorry. Things are just… rough right now." I say.

"Then don't push me away." She says taking my hand. "Tori, it's our friendship over everything else. I'm here for you as a friend first before anything… different." She finishes quietly.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"About what?"

"What do mean "Before anything different"?"

"I don't know… anything else." She says avoiding eye contact.

I'm not going to fight for an answer out of her, so I'll just go right to the source. I pull out my phone and dial her number.

_"You like me yeah I know it,_

_You're transparent how you stumble round those words so well_

_You like me there I said it,_

_Don't need a dictionary helping me cause I can spell."_

My face goes completely blank as her eyes are glued to the table. She actually almost looks ashamed.

"How long have you had that?" I ask.

"Since the day before James got here" She says hesitantly looking up at me.

"You… you think I like you?" I ask carefully.

"I don't know" She says dropping her gaze back to the table.

God, is this really what one week does to us? She talking to me like I'm some stranger. Granted I'm not being the most friendly person either, but I never expected things to be this weird with us. She's avoiding my questions, I'm avoiding hers. We're hardly making eye contact.

"I guess… not anymore" She says quietly.

"Did you want me to like you?" I ask. She shrugs at my question. "Come on Cat , talk to me."

"I don't know what you want me to say Tori." She says finally bringing her eyes back to mine.

"How about, "Hey I haven't seen you in forever, you look great"." I hear a familiar voice interrupt Cat and I. All my attention snaps to this person, my troubles with Cat momentarily forgotten.

"Beck?" I squeal, springing out of my chair and into his arms.

"Right, or you could just… do that" He says with a laugh. I pull back from the abrupt hug with a huge smile on my face.

"Oh my God! I completely forgot you were in town" I say.

"Oh ouch Tori, I thought we were closer than that" He chuckles.

"I'm so sorry, I've been meaning to stop by and see you." I say before pulling him onto another bone-crushing hug.

"It's fine, Cat and Jade have me plenty busy running around town. I'm just glad I got to see you at all." He says as I pull back again.

He literally hasn't changed a bit. He still has that same smoothness in his voice and that suave aura about him. Even his hair, his gorgeous shiny hair, is sculpted in the same perfect fashion as it was in high school. Then again that's just Beck. If what he's doing is working, then there's no need to change it, so he doesn't. He's exactly how I remember him.

"So what brings you to The Hot Spot?" He asks pulling a chair over to our table for himself.

"Coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. What about you?" I ask.

"Cat here actually suggested it. We're gonna go walking around the city so we figured it'd be nice to hold onto something warm." He says.

Oh yeah… Cat's still here. Well, at least she doesn't look as upset as she did a few minutes ago. She's smiling but it's more of a sad smile.

"I agree. It get's freezing here at night. So how long are you in town?" I ask Beck.

"Well it was originally longer but I'll only be here for another week, maybe two weeks. The next destination is New Zealand for me. Got a call back on an audition." He says.

"That's amazing Beck. Look at you being all famous and making movies." I say nudging his shoulder.

"I try. So where's your other half?" He asks.

"My who?"

"James? I think that's his name right?" He asks looking at Cat.

"Oh, word travels fast. He's at the gym with a few of the students in our class. Apparently every guy there wants to have his abs, so he's showing them how he got them." I say. Beck chuckles but Cat looks hurt at my response. What did I do now?

"Ah, we'll I'll have to meet him before I go. Speaking of, we should head out soon Cat. You know how Jade gets when we make her wait" He says with a scowl. "Which brings me to my next point, why not share that wealth? You should come with us Tori."

"Yeah? I mean I don't wanna intrude on your guys last week together"

"Intruding? Tori, I would be honored if you would join us" He says standing up.

"If you insist" I say with a smile.

Cat simply stays quiet as we all get up to leave.

… … … ….. …. … … …

"What is your problem?"

"Don't yell at me, it's not my fault!"

"Not your fault? You threw a rock at my face Jade!"

"Well you moved didn't you?" Jade yells back.

"This was a bad idea" I hear Beck whisper to Cat.

"Some things never change, their hate for each other is one of them" Cat whispers back.

So you wanna know what happened? Of course you do. We were all just walking downtown minding our own business when out of nowhere, freaking Jade throws a rock at my head. MY HEAD. Thank god I ducked out of the way. But seriously, why did she have to do that? What the hell did I do to provoke her violent side?

"Ok ladies, let's just keep moving." Beck says taking Jades arm and dragging her away from me. I'm about to go after them when I feel Cat's hand slip into mine.

Where did my anger go?

"You know she would've hit you if she really wanted to" Cat says as we start walking.

"Yes"

"Then why are you so mad? She basically just did you a favor by **not** denting your face"

"I know but why did she do it in the first place? The last thing I need right now is Jade and her spontaneous acts of violence." I say defeated. I really am stressed out. We walk in silence for a few minutes before Cat says anything else.

"I miss you… being with you"

"I miss you too" I say.

"You…" She trails off.

"I what?" I ask looking over at her.

"This is gonna sound really stupid… because I don't know how to say it." She says furrowing her brows.

"Blunt force trauma" I say.

"Well you… you make my chest feel warm" She says looking up at me.

"I imagine you mean when I'm on it-SHITFUCK!" I say facepalming. Hard. Ouch…

"Well, that applies" Cat giggles. "But no, I mean like… how do you feel when you look at the rain?"

"I don't know. Happy, safe, warm-ohhh. I get it." I say. Kind of like how I felt when it was raining back at my apartment yesterday with James.

"Yeah… well I feel like that."

"Right now?" I ask looking back over at her.

"Right now" She says squeezing my hand.

And to be honest, even though we're not exactly on the best terms right now…

I feel that way too.

"So this is the infamous James" I hear Beck say.

Cat and I look to where Beck and Jade are a few feet in front of us, and yeah, there's James. Beck had me text him an hour ago to meet us and hang out for a bit.

I feel Cat's hand start to let go of mine, but for some bizarre reason, I hold on tighter. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy to see James, but my hand doesn't want to listen. That was just my natural response.

"Word travels fast" James says back to Beck, shaking his hand. See? Even James notices how much people talk.

"I said the same thing" I say as Cat and I make it over to them.

James looks like a light bulb goes off in his head for a split second before he turns to introduce himself to Jade.

"James-"

"I know who you are" Jade cuts him off, ignoring his extended arm.

"You must be Jade" He says retracting his hand.

"Yupp. Bye" She says walking off and taking Beck with her.

"She's… just as cuddly as you mentioned" James says to me.

"You're lucky she didn't bite your arm off." I retort.

After that we walk after Beck and Jade, making small talk about the day and whatnot. I have to say it's quite awkward walking between James and Cat. James is awkwardly trying to make conversation and Cat's taken some unspoken vow of silence. So this leaves me to argue with my hand on why it's not letting go of Cat's. If you ask me, we're all crazy. All three of us.

Always have been, always will be.

….. … ….. ….. …. ….. … ….. …...

"Are you sure you're ok with this?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you know… I'm staying the night. It's been a while…"

"Cat, I wouldn't have asked you if I wasn't sure."

To be quite honest I'm not even sure why I asked. After we all decided to head home, my hand still didn't want to let go of Cat, which prompted me to curse at it, confusing everyone else, which then was followed by me blurting out an invitation for Cat to stay the night. God I am so awkward.

So anyway that brings us to now. It's about midnight and Cat and I are on my couch watching the rain. It started about ten minutes ago, so we turned my couch and have been watching ever since. At first things were awkward, we didn't say much and stayed on opposite ends. But now she's cuddled up to me with her head on my chest. I'm kind of glad we aren't talking. I think that would mess all this up.

Every once in a while she'll look up at me for a moment, just watching my eyes watch the rain. I'll look down at her and the sweetest smile will graze her lips. Then I'll give her a slow kiss on her forehead and watch her smile get bigger. After that she'll turn her attention back to the rain and then a few minutes later, it starts all over again. It's honestly one of the most peaceful moments I've had all week.

I know I said that yesterday about James, but something about this moment, something about what's happening here… it makes my chest warm.

"You're so beautiful" I hear Cat whisper. I look down at her to see her looking right back up at me.

"I've got nothing on you" I whisper back.

Usually you'd picture something slow and sweet about now right? Something like, we slowly lean forward till our lips connect in a passionate manner. Right well, this did not happen.

Cat looks floored for a moment before bringing her hand to the back of my neck and smashing our lips together. I immediately respond to her and am half tempted to let her have her way, because believe me, I know exactly what her intentions are, and I like them.

To an extent.

"We can't do this" I say prying my lips off of hers.

"You are not serious" She sighs.

"I am" I whine. "Cat as much as I would love to head into my bedroom-"

"Or just do it here" she interjects.

"and… uh…" I trail off letting my mind linger. "No… look, as much as I'd love to just forget about all that's happening and… do this… you know I can't." I finish.

"Because of your boyfriend?" She scoffs.

"Ok first off, he is not my boyfriend. And secondly, yes, it is because of him. I can't just leave him out to dry like this." I say slightly annoyed.

"Right but you can do it to me without batting an eyelash?" She says staring right into my soul. This shuts my mouth because she is absolutely, without a doubt, right. "I get that what you guys had was special and that it will always be a part of you, but I wanna be somewhere too Tori."

"And I want you to be too" I say quietly.

"But where? Your head or your heart?" She asks quietly. Why does it always come down to this?

"He's everything I need" I say after a moment.

"But what do you **want**?" She asks.

I don't answer. Every minute in silence that goes by I can see her dying on the inside a little. She shouldn't care this much. She's never even admitted to liking me either.

"You haven't exactly been open about all this either." I say. This causes her to pause and be silent for a moment.

"It was a crush." She says monotone.

"Was?" I ask.

"I guess neither one of us really knew what we wanted"

And just like that, she's gone. Grabbed her stuff and left.

She was wrong you know. I didn't make a decision. I still can't make one but, looks like it was just made for me. So that pushed me towards James. That's a good thing… right? He's everything I want. He's the one.

Yet as a much as I repeat that to myself, something about this just doesn't feel right. I think there's something that I feel for Cat that I will never feel for James.

I think there always will be.

…**.. …. …. …. ….. …. … ….. ….**

**Hello everyone. It's been a while.**

**So, I think it's safe to say that I'm feeling up to writing again. The process never ends but the pain is more bearable now. It's also the ending of the semester so I can't promise an update every Tuesday, but I can tell you that I will be back to regularly updating again.**

**First off, I want to thank all of you for being so understanding through all of this. It hasn't been easy but your words have made it a tad easier. I'm not gonna get into details but if you wish to find a bit more about my absence, I wrote something pertaining to it on my Tumblr. You can find the link to it on my profile page.**

**Anyway, so yeah, there's the chapter. Don't hate me for the ending, it had to be done.**

**And speaking of (but has nothing to do with) not hating me for the ending:**

**Luz4mj1995: You get the first shout out because you are my 300th review. I also just flat out loved your review.**

**Meaghan Gibson:** **I have to say, I love how passionate you are Ms. Gibson.**

**Ilovethisactually: You my friend made me smile when I needed to. Loved hearing what you had to say.**

**SadFace: Contrary to your name, I had a happy face after reading your review. Thank you.**

**Sloth13: Thanks and you weren't far off. I'll eventually find out what kind of coping measure my life takes and knowing that you may know how I feel helps a lot.**

**So many more I wanted to get to but we all know there are not enough words to express my gratitude for all of you.**

**However, I have to give a very special thank you to two awesome people that were really there for me through all this and prompted me to start writing again, iAmSuperman-shhh and Bobbyjohn. Two very amazing people we have right here who I am lucky to have befriended. **

**Alright, that's all for this update. Again, thank you to all of you who reviewed and thank you for understanding. Till the next chapter, Reviews = Love. So spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	18. Simple As That

I hate my heart.

There, I said it. I hate it with everything I've got. Remember that twisting feeling I was telling you about? Well this is so much worse than that. Every beat just reminds me of how much it hurts. I feel like it's about to tear _itself_ out of my chest this time though. Like I'm not doing enough to make it stop.

"It's Cat isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"That's why you're hesitating. Cat"

I don't want to verbally admit it so I nod. Cat is exactly why I'm hesitating.

"That obvious?" I ask.

"Only a little. I mean, I only noticed after you had to physically pry your hand off of hers the other night." James says with a smile.

"Right… there was that. Sorry" I sigh.

"No need to apologize" He says.

It's been three days since that day. Cat and I didn't even look at each other in class today. Well of course I couldn't look at her, she was naked, but I mean that we didn't acknowledge each other. I feel terrible. I've pretty much just stared at my phone for three days wondering if I should call or text. Would she even pick up or respond? Is she mad at me as much as I think she is? At this point, I have to think the worst of this situation.

"You should talk to her, she seems… upset." James says putting his shirt back on. Chill, we just got out of class so he redressing for that reason and that reason only.

"I doubt she wants to talk to me. Why do you even want me to talk to her? Shouldn't she be like your arch nemesis? " I ask picking up my bag.

"I don't hate her Tori" He says with a laugh. "Sure, she may be a huge part in how all this plays out, but she's still your friend."

"So you don't care that I'm actually in a cliché "choose between these two love interests" scenario right now?"

"Oh no, I care, but I'm not gonna be an asshole about it. You know how I feel about you, your heart will do the rest." He says picking up his things from beside me.

We start to walk out when I hear Mrs. Grow from behind us,

"Tori, would you mind staying after for a moment please?" She asks.

"You don't seem to have the best luck with people today" James says.

"Yeah, I noticed. Here, I'll meet you at my apartment" I say giving him my apartment key. He nods and walks out.

"What did I do?" I ask walking over to Mrs. Grow's desk.

"It's what you're doing" She says not bothering to look up at me.

"Ok, what am I doing?" I ask.

"Failing half our class"

"What? How on earth am I doing that?" I ask completely confused.

"Our female nude model is supposed to have a dream state expression." She says finally looking up at me.

"Ok…?"

"So do you want to tell me why everyone's sketch of her is her looking extremely depressed?" She asks.

Of course. Of course it's my fault. Of course all this has to come around and bite me in the ass!

"God, it's not my fault! She's not the only one suffering here! Why is it that everyone seems to see her side and think that it's just a freakin picnic for me? It's not! I'm dying just as much as she is on the inside over all of this, whatever _this_ is. I'm so tired of everyone blaming me for these fucking problems that aren't even all my fault. She has just as much of a say as I do, I can't be blamed for her part."

It's like shaking a can of soda then throwing it really, really high and then watching it explode as it hits the pavement.

"I mean, she never told me she liked me either. We never had anything official, so me choosing James shouldn't be this big of a shock. He made it clear that he wanted me, and I guess I'm taking him up on it. I don't understand why that's so hard for people to see." I finish out of breath.

"I was thinking that you should just talk to her or something, but venting is also a good thing" Mrs. Grow says with wide eyes.

"I'm... sorry. You really have no idea what this past month has been like for me." I say.

"I understand. You're still having trouble choosing between the two and maybe that's what has Cat so upset. Permission to speak freely?" She asks.

"Go ahead"

"You may have already made your decision, but Cat needs to hear it. In her mind, she's still holding onto this false hope that you two will be together. You either need to make it happen, or let her go so she can move on. " She says.

"But-"

"You can't have it all" Mr. Grow interrupts me walking into the room. "You either jump knowing you have a parachute, or you jump and hope that there's someone to catch you. "

"What if I hope that someone catches me, but I end up hitting the ground?" I ask quietly.

"Dust yourself off and go skydiving again. Vega the safer way is always gonna be the obvious choice, but what if you miss out on the one who catches you? The one who watched you fall and stayed to make sure you didn't hit your head? Do you want a safety net, or a super hero?" he says stopping in front of me.

Mrs. Grow and I both look like we've just seen a ghost.

"What?" he asks.

"You have feelings?" I ask.

"_And_ a brain?" Mrs. Grow adds.

"Yes" He says monotone. "Anyway, my point is that you're in a hard place. The battle between the head and the heart." he finishes.

He doesn't even know the full extent of the situation and he nailed it. And my gosh does he sound like Trina. The only problem is actually applying what they're telling me.

Now that I think about it, I don't think choosing is my problem. I think my problem is being afraid of losing something that could've been. The possibility of "what if she did catch me". I mean, he's right, can't have both. As much as I want the Cinderella story of having someone catch me, this is real life, not a fairy tale.

"Right well, it's not as easy as it sounds." I defend.

"I know, but if it was easy, they wouldn't call it love. That and it wouldn't have landed me with my life" He says nodding at Mrs. Grow. She simply shakes her head with a smile.

"Ok, seriously, where is this coming from? That was adorable. You're**never** sappy." I say worried. Seriously, I never thought he had this in him.

"This is coming from the heart that I do in fact have. That and it scores me good points in be-"

"Dustin Howard Grow!" Mrs. Grow cuts him off.

"Ok first of all, ew. Secondly, your name is Dustin?" I ask with a smile.

"It's actually Dusty, but he prefers Dustin" She says with a smirk.

"Really? Dusty?" I ask.

"Leave. Leave now and don't look back" He says to me, glaring at his wife.

Best advice I've heard all day. And I follow it. I grab my things and head out of the classroom, down the hall, and out the door.

When I make it to the parking lot I notice that a certain red head is leaning against my car. Great. We haven't spoken since that night at my apartment and after the conversation I just had with the Grows, I really, really don't want to deal with this right now. I'm tired, I'm irritated, and I don't know if I can handle the things I know I'm going to say. I already can't stand seeing her here missing her smile, so how on earth will I be able to do anything else?

Then again...

They were right. I can't keep leading Cat on in this false hope that I'll go skydiving without a parachute. It just doesn't make sense to me.

"Hey" I say as I get to her.

"It's him isn't it." She says.

"Or we could start off with that" I say coming around next to her.

"Sorry. Hey"

"It's fine." I sigh leaning back with her. "How have you been?"

"Fine. I've been better."

We stand there in silence for a few minutes, both of us thinking, before she speaks up again.

"I'm sorry about the other night. I was being... stupid."

"I wasn't exactly being the smartest person either Cat."

"Right. So... how is James?"

"He's good."

"Do you like him?"

"I..." I trail off for a moment. "You and I wouldn't work." I say quietly.

"Ok" She says. That's all. That's all she says before as usual, she leaves.

Wow. Simple as that huh? Yeah, it was exactly as easy as I was told. All I had to do was tell her the truth and let her go. All I had to do was give her an answer and all this would be over. Now I can move on with my life and she can with hers. There's nothing better.

So... why do I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach? Why is my heart so heavy I can barely stand up? Why does it feel like there's lead on my chest? Why does it hurt so badly to watch her walk away?

It's nothing but a lie. There is nothing simple about this.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"You're quiet."

"Yupp."

"Why?"

"I told Cat that she and I wouldn't work."

And I feel terrible about it. Either way, no matter who I chose, I would've felt this way.

"Oh... wow." He says completely shocked.

"Surprised?" I ask.

"Well yeah. I mean, I'm stoked that it's me but... you two just seemed so... close" he says.

We were close James. We really were.

We're back at my apartment now. James has his guitar and I have my sketch pad. The day is ending and I'm happy about it. This has been a terrible day from start to finish. I just want it to be over so I can start a new one. I mean, we can only move forward from here. Things have to eventually get better. Tomorrow is just the start of it all. The start of a new direction. It's about time I had one.

I still can't shake this horrible feeling though. My hear hurts so bad. I don't think I've ever felt this terrible in my entire life. It's not one of those things where it only hurts when I think about it, it hurts constantly whether I think about it or not. I can't get the image of her walking away from me out of my head. Even when I blink, little flashes of her leaving blind me. I don't think it will ever be possible to get that look she had on her face out of my head. She looked so hurt... pained. Like she just broke when I told her that. And he crazy thing about it, I think I broke when I told her too. She wasn't the only one I was hurting.

But why? Why does all this hurt so bad. We're still gonna be friends right? I made my decision so why do I feel like I've made a death wish?

"That's beautiful" James says breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?" I ask looking over to him.

"Cat looks so broken. So... real." He says pointing to my sketch pad.

Wow. I drew exactly what I was explaining. It's a perfect replica of the pain that I saw on her face. How her eyes seemed to glaze over before she walked away. He's right. She's so real here... so raw. I want to feel that. I want to feel something that real and raw and-

In my emotional stupor, I snapped. I wish I would've cried, or gotten angry, or kicked him out, but I didn't. I kissed him. Hard.

I pull back for a moment to see his completely confused face before I smash my lips back onto his. In no time he responds to me and quickly gets rid of his guitar in his lap. My hands go to the sides of his face and his go to my back.

I just want this to stop. This pain. I don't want to feel it anymore so for now, James is my pain killer.

After a moment of our tongues battling, his hands go up my shirt and mine go to his belt.

"Wait wait" He says pulling away from me. "We shouldn't do this." he says out of breath.

"You don't want to?" I ask. Why not? I'm here and I'm ready.

"Tori, I probably have the biggest boner known to mankind right now, believe me, I want to. But you're going through something emotional right now, it's not what you really want. You'd be using sex to dull the pain." He says.

"James" I say.

"Yeah?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Well, yeah"

"I want this" I finish.

"Ok" He says before he drags me to my bedroom. Jeez, so much for "We shouldn't do this".

"You have no idea how long I've wanted this" He says stripping off his shirt.

"Judging by how fast you're undressing, a really long time" I say removing my own shirt.

"I mean, I didn't want to rush you or anything, because I care about you. But god Tori, you have no idea." He say taking his pants off.

"James!" I stop him as he starts on his boxers.

"Huh?" He asks completely clueless.

"The light." I say pointing to my lamp. Dude, duh.

"Oh, right" He says hopping over to it and clicking it off.

After that he loses his boxers and starts kissing me as I work the button on my jeans.

My heart is screaming at me right now. Telling me that this is so wrong. That I should stop this before I do something I regret. But you know what, I don't care. I chose James, so this is going to be a normal part of our relationship. What's wrong with starting now?

My jeans are kicked off as his hands slide over my bra clad chest.

They're rough. Plagued with desire and desperation. His hands are huge. So big compared to Cat's gentle frail ones.

I push my lips to his harder.

His are slightly chapped. Kind of rough. So different compared to Cat's soft and lush ones.

I can feel him hard against my thigh.

He's raging with the need. Cat was slow. She wanted me to feel.

My hands slide up his chest.

They're so hard. His abs and his chest. Cat was soft. She was smooth. She was...everything he's not.

And for the first time all year... my heart _and_ my head agree.

"Stop" I say pushing him away from me roughly. They agree that this needs to stop.

"Stop what?" He asks out of breath.

"This, stop this. I can't..." I say out of breath as well.

"Why? What did I do?" He exasperates worried.

"You..." I trail off for a moment. Unable to form anything that makes sense. "You don't feel right" I finally get out.

There. I said it. He doesn't feel right. He doesn't feel like... Cat.

"What do you mean?" He asks calming down.

"I just.. I'm sorry. You were right. We can't do this." I say hanging my head.

I hear him shuffle around for a bit before my lamp clicks back on. He's clad in his boxers and makes his way over to me.

"It's ok." He sighs, looking at me with worried eyes. "Come here" He says as he opens his arms. I gladly accept his hug and fall onto his chest.

He simply holds me, stroking my hair, the both of us barely dressed.

"I can wait Tori. Whenever you're ready, I'm ready" I says softly.

God he is such a good guy. I almost got in bed with him then basically threw a bucket of cold water in his face. And here he is saying that he's ok with that and willing to wait.

He wants to wait till I'm ready and what makes me feel so terrible about that...

I don't think I ever will be.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

I know that sound anywhere. It's a familiar ring in my ears that makes me smile.

It's silence. Only, it's a certain type if silence.

It's snowing. It's the only time you'll ever hear this. No cars in the distance, no people walking around, not even the neighbors. Just silence. Just snow. And it couldn't have come at a better time.

I get out of bed quietly, careful not to disturb James, and make my way into my livingroom.

And before you freak out about James being in my bed, chill, all we did was sleep. He was over late so he just stayed the night, granted he could've stayed on the couch, but... just shut up.

I look out my sliding glass door and sure enough, it's snowing. It's beautiful. Probably the only thing I enjoy more than when it rains. And just when I needed it. There is no better time than right now.

This is gonna sound childish... but I really, really wanna play in it. Or at least walk in it before people take to the streets and pollute it. I...I should. I should have my moment in the snow to forget about my problems, forget about my worries, and just play.

It takes me literally five minutes to get a coat, jeans, and gloves on, and be out the door. The minute I get in front of my building I take a deep breath. I swear there is nothing better than the air when it snows. It's so fresh and crisp.

I walk to wear I'm just inside the park, then I stop and look around.

Beautiful. There's at least an inch covering the ground. Gosh, everything about this is just... beautiful. Nothing beats this. I wish someone could see this. See this moment with me. Experience this moment and how I fee-

"Ugh... hello?" I hear her say groggily on the other end of the line.

Damn you subconscious.

"It's snowing." I say. She's the only person in the world I know who could possibly feel the same way I do about this.

"Oh my god, are you serious?" She says suddenly awake.

"Yes. I'm in the park, and it's beautiful." I say with a smile in my face.

"I'll be there in ten minutes" I hear before the line goes dead.

Only Cat. Only Cat would get out of bed at three a.m. To come play in the snow with someone she's supposedly not talking to. And you know what, thank God for that.

Sure enough, ten minutes later, I see Cat driving cautiously over to my apartment building. She parks, gets out, spots me, and then starts sprinting towards me with a huge smile on her face.

But of course, in our true fashion of nothing being as smooth as it seems, when she reaches me, she doesn't stop. Well, I mean, she wanted to. But due to the slick snow on the path, she slid right into me, knocking me over, and taking her down with me. We both hit the ground, her on me, with a soft thud. I also thank God that she's light.

Cat cautiously looks up at me before we both burst into fits of giggles.

"I'm so sorry!" Cat says between laughs.

"It's fine" I say as mine dies down.

Remember when I was talking about how beautiful the scenery was earlier? Well this, is a whole different kind of beautiful. Cat's looking down at me with those big brown eyes, snowflakes coming down behind her and sticking to her hair. Her beautiful pink lips, glossed and parted.

No no... this moment... this moment right here is beautiful. True beauty.

"Tori?" Cat asks softly.

"Yeah?" I answer just as quiet.

"You're making the face" She says.

"The face..." I trail off.

"The one where you like it." She says tilting her head with a small smile. And not her usual teasing smile but... a smile like she likes it too.

And... I know I shouldn't, but I think I do like it. Laying here with my arms around her, hers up on my shoulders to hold herself up, the snow falling down all around us.

A million red flags are going off inside my head telling me to get her off and away from me as fast as possible, but something won't let me. This just feels so... right. She feels right. Like what it should've been with James and I. It won't hurt if I let it go on just a little bit longer right?

Cat's smile falters a little.

"Where's James?" she asks.

"He doesn't matter" Without hesitation, that was my response. What the hell?

"Why not?" she asks biting her lip.

"He's not here" Another automatic response.

Her small smile is back as she runs a hand through my hair.

_**Flashback**_

"_Think about something you like" She says with a smile. Hmm, that's not a bad idea._

"_What do I like?" I say thinking out loud._

"_Well, you could always think about that crush I had on you in high school. You seemed to like that a lot on Monday." She says with a smirk. I instantly look away, trying to hide the blush that broke out on my face._

"_Right…" I trail off._

"_Alright everyone, take your seats. Models go ahead whenever you're ready and yes, we have a nurse standing by just in case." Mrs. Grow says. I shoot a glare her way and she winks at me. Jerk._

"_You gonna be ok?" Cat asks unbuttoning her plaid shirt._

_I swallow hard. "I think so. Just don't expect to stay conscious the whole time" I say cracking a weak smile._

"_Tori," She says coming close to me. "You're gonna be fine. You got this." She says running a hand through my hair._

_**End flash back**_**  
><strong>  
>"You're so beautiful." She whispers.<p>

"I got nothing on you" I whisper back.

Cat tilts her head again and looks at me for a moment.

"Can I kiss you?" She asks.

I nod slowly, completely memorized by the look in her eyes. James completely forgotten.

She leans in slowly and my eyes are shut the minute her lips are pressed to mine.

She moves slowly, placing one hand on the side of my face. Our mouths open in sync and our tongues intertwine. My hand slides up her back to the back of her neck, slightly pushing us closer together.

I feel her other hand tighten up on my shoulder slightly as our movements speed up a little. At that Cat pulls back for a moment before reconnecting our lips again for another brief moment.

She pulls back and looks at me with an expression I can't read.

"He better not ever let you go again." She says quietly.

After that she gets off me and we don't even share a goodbye. Like always, she just blows my mind, then leaves me to think about it.

Simple as that.

**... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms.**

**Alright, so, how was that one? Not one of my favorites. It didn't turn out how I wanted it to but eh, you know. I'm also sorry to say that this story is actually coming to a close. Yupp, you read me right. It's almost done. **

**Also I'm sorry for any mistakes and I'm sure there are a lot. It is extremely late, and I need sleep.**

**Anyway, on to some of you lovely people:**

**Ginger: You my friend, are amazing. I loved what you had to say and you flatter me.**

**Ilovethisactually: You also flatter me. Don't worry, this story will definitely get the ending it deserves. **

**Meaghan Gibson: Well Ms. Gibson, you're probably going to hate me after this chapter. Haha.**

**SadFace: In that we are all guilty. And thank you.**

**Anon (): Couldn't have said it better myself.**

**Alright loves, that's all for this update. Till the next one, Reviews = Love. Spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	19. I Just Wasn't Thinking

"You're and idiot"

"I'm glad you're happy for James and I Trina." I say rolling my eyes.

"I'm not, I'm being serious Tori."

"And so am I Trina. I didn't call you for you to tear me down about it."

"You don't even love him."

"Yes I do." I say erasing a part of my sketch.

It's been a long uneventful day. James dropped me back off at my apartment after class and he went to a gig he had at The Hot Spot. I wasn't really feeling up to it so I've been here with my sketchbook out since then to see if drawing will take my mind off things. I decided to call Trina five minutes ago to tell her the status of my relationships, and I'm starting to regret that.

"I am so glad you didn't become an actress" she says irritated.

"Why?"

"Because you're a terrible liar"

"Trina, I swear-"

"What are you drawing?" she asks cutting me off. I stop what I'm doing and actually pay attention to my sketch.

Just as beautiful as I remember. The look she had on her face. How no one mattered in that moment except for the two of us. How her nose was slightly red from the cold temperature. How beautiful she was that night in the snow. That's what I drew. That moment. It's not like I meant to draw it... I just wasn't thinking.

"Nothing." I say answering Trina.

"Nothing meaning Cat?"

"I'm hanging up." I say about to pull the phone away from my ear.

"Tori wait," she says stopping me. "I'm sorry ok? I just... I hate that you did this to yourself. You're hurting so badly and you know it. If I can see it, then it's really bad. I just don't understand you." she finishes.

"What's there to understand?" I ask.

"I just don't get it. Would you rather learn to love someone or fight for the one you actually do love?" she asks.

"I've made my decision." I say quietly.

"I know but... can I be honest with you?"

"Because you've been so shy in the past." I say sarcastically.

"I think you're weak." she says flatly.

"I'm weak. I'm weak?" I practically yell into my phone. "Trina I've finally made something of my life and I'm weak? I survived a car crash that should've killed me, I walked away from my former passion on a hunch that I might be good at art, I've managed to get through a phobia that plagued me since forever, and I'm weak?"

"Absolutely. You can make all these incredible decisions and survive all of this, yet you can't even stand up for yourself and fight for Cat. And out of everything in your life Tori, doesn't she deserve it the most?" she finishes softly.

Of course she does. She deserves all I have and more.

"I made my decision." I say quietly.

"I know." she says just as quiet.

A moment later the line goes dead. Well then fine, screw you too Trina.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"Red or black?"

"Red."

"Red, really?"

"Red is and always will be the best and you know it."

"I knew there was a reason I loved you." He finishes.

Always red licorice. Always. Black is just disgusting. I mean, no offence to those who enjoy it, but something about licorice just screams red. Maybe it's because red is just an awesome color.

Or maybe it's because you're missing a certain red head...

Ugh.. Tori stop it. Don't think about her. Right now you're with James. Right now you're with the one you were always supposed to be with. Stop focusing on her. She's just a friend.

"Are you ok?" James ask after a moment.

"Yeah, just thinking." I answer.

"About?"

"Asian food." Well, I'm thinking about it now.

"We must get some." He says leading me to the food court.

James and I have been at the mall for probably about an hour now. We decided to head here after he got back from his gig today. Honestly, I was kind of down after Trina and I's talk and needed to get my mind off of life. There's no better place than a building filled with desperation to get your mind off of life right? And now I guess we're going to get some Asian food. There's nothing better than the mall and Asian food to get your mind off of life. Yeah... that or get over something really depressing.

Anyway, if you must know, it's been two weeks. Two weeks since that night with Cat in the snow. The only times I've seen her since then were in class. I've texted her a couple of times and she's texted back. Mostly just one or two sentences and it ends with one of us pretending that we have to go because we're "busy". Well, I've never actually been busy, so I'm gonna say that she wasn't either.

This is what "friends" means for us I guess. Nothing outside of "Hi, how are you?". I know this is what I wanted, but I also want to eventually be close to her like I was. I want...

She has a sixth sense I swear. There she is. Walking with Jade, Rachel, and a few other people.

We're walking on opposite sides, but I could spot her anywhere. Of course the second Jade notices me, probably the most intense glare she has is slapped onto her face. But that's not what kills me.

It's like slow motion. Cat and I's eyes lock and the sweetest smile grazes her lips. I can't help but mirror it. As we pass each other we lose eye contact and I'm immediately tempted to look back. I don't know... like one last look will fix something.

Though I know my eyes should stay forward, on James, I look back anyway. And let me tell you, nothing and I mean nothing, will explain the way it felt to see her already looking back at me. She was only with me for a moment before she turned back, but it was enough. It was enough to dull the pain for a little bit...

And fuel the need even more.

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

I would absolutely love to hate her.

I'm back at my apartment now and James is at the gym. Usually I'd go run with him or something... but I just can bring myself to move.

Anyway, I would love to hate Trina, but God knows I can't. She told me exactly what I needed to hear earlier and... and... wait, this is **my** decision. Why am I letting other people tell me what to do? They don't get a say in the matter. I am gonna be just fine going the way I'm going so why does it matter? I'm perfectly happy like this. I made the right decision based what **I **think.

On what I **think**...

I place a hand over my heart and grip my shirt a little.

"Stop" I grimace.

And thus brings on that stupid ache in my chest. The one telling me to feel, not think. To be quite honest, after being in that car accident I was in a lot of pain, but that doesn't even register when it comes to this. I try to think of James but that only makes it worse. It's enough to make me cry. It's enough to grab my attention and make me think about the one thing I'm trying to avoid.

How do I feel?

I feel like I'm dying. I feel stuck in that moment when Cat turned her head to look back at me. I feel like if I let myself think for even a minute that Cat and I could be together... than my entire world will collapse. I feel like if she asked me, I'd leave James where he stands and drop out of art school just to be with her. If not for forever then maybe just a little while. Anything to feel that warmth in my chest. It would be like it was raining every day if we were together. I wouldn't care about my parents, I wouldn't care about James, I wouldn't care about art. Just Cat. Only Cat.

By now tears are rolling down my cheeks faster than I can stop them. Dropping on to my sketch of her beautiful face. I run my fingers over it, smudging it a little. My pencil marks contorting in different ways around my teardrops.

I sharp knock at my door causes me to jump and wipe at my eyes harshly. I close my sketchbook and put on my best smile before answering the door.

Which was pointless because the minute I open my door, I'm met with Jade. Perfect.

"What?" I say flatly, dropping the smile I had on.

"You're an idiot." Jade spits.

"Why?" I ask, although I know the answer.

"You know why." She snaps back at me.

"Yeah, I do, and I don't wanna hear it Jade." I say going to close the door. Jade's hand smacks the other side before shoving the door back open.

"Well too fucking bad, because you're gonna hear it." She says pushing past me.

"Jade-"

"You broke her." She cuts me off.

"I know."

"No, you don't know. You weren't there Tori. You didn't have to hear her cry herself to sleep. You didn't have to drag her out of her depression every day. You didn't have to hear her as she gave herself to some asshole that she doesn't even like" She says in a low tone.

"Jade, I have my own... what?" I ask as it registers just what she said.

"What?"

"What asshole, who are you talking about?" I ask.

"Blair stopped by." She says ignoring my question. I immediately get nauseas and my knees go weak.

Blair. The Blair who hurt Cat. _ My _Cat.

"When?"

"The day after we all walked around New York."

"Is-"

"Cat's fine. You're just lucky Beck and I were there when you weren't." She says glaring at me.

"What happened?" I ask, my voice wavering.

"She found Cat, I don't know how, but she did. Stopped by the Collage and confronted Cat. Apparently all she did was apologize, but that didn't stop me from beating the living shit out of her, again." She finishes with a smirk.

"I should've been there..." I say running a hand through my hair.

"Yeah, you should've. But you weren't and she's fine." She says taking a step closer to me. "You hear that Vega? She's fine... without you. "

That stung more then you will ever know.

"Well-"

"And yeah, you heard me right. She slept with someone who tore her apart. She cried the second it was over and _I _had to be there to comfort her instead of beating his worthless ass like I should've." She finishes.

And that right there... that knocks the wind right out of me. Tears don't take long to fill my eyes after that.

"I honestly don't know what she sees in you." She says almost smirking. Evil is one thing, but this is just heartless of Jade.

But then... I feel different. Not like I'm going to break down into hysterics, but something... far worse.

Rage.

"Who?" Is all that leaves my mouth.

"What Vega? You gonna have a stern talk with him? Tell him that he upset you?" She mocks.

"Jade" I say through my teeth.

"You know you broke her... but he shattered her. Took her like she was nothing. Just another good fuck." She says.

My chest is heaving, my heart is pounding, and my fists are clenched.

"Who?" I repeat.

"If you're really that interested," She says taking a step closer. "He's in my car waiting for me to take him to the airport."

And that... well that just makes my blood run cold.

Beck.

I literally walk right through Jade in a daze. She stumbles back, a little surprised, and follows me out of my apartment. I have no facial expression and I don't respond at Jade repeatedly saying my last name. My ears are ringing and all I can hear is my heart beat. Tears are spilling down my face as I walk down the stairs and into the parking lot. Sure enough, there's Beck sitting in the passenger seat of Jade's Car, oblivious to all the violent things going on in my head.

He looks confused for a moment before stepping out of Jade's Car. A look of realization flashes across his face before he shuts the passenger door and walks towards me.

"Tori it's not what-" He starts.

I don't yell at him. I don't push him. But I sure as hell don't let him explain.

Before I can even think about it, my fist is throbbing and he's stumbling away from me dazed. I don't even know if I hit him right.

I don't fight, I never have. I don't hit people. But I sure as hell don't let anyone mess with someone I love.

I flipped out. The moment I realized that I had actually hit him, it's like something in me just broke. I'm only registering bits and pieces. Me shoving him into Jades car, burying my fists into whatever part of him I can. I'm not that strong, so all I get are a few flinches from him. I can tell you that I'm crying and screaming every curse word I know, but it's not enough for what I really want to do to him.

I only see Jade for a moment when Beck shoves, me away from him. She's simply standing behind me, arms crossed and a smirk planted firmly on her face.

Beck's shove causes me to lose balance and land on my side near Jade. I wouldn't have gotten back up. I would've stayed there frustrated and crying if it weren't for Jade.

She picked me up with little effort and forced me to face her, hands gripping my shoulders. She gets right in my face and looks me right in the eyes.

"What are you fighting for Vega? You lost remember?" She says.

"I-I don't-" I stutter, unable to think.

"What are you fighting for?" She yells.

"Cat!" I yell back.

"Why!"

"I love her!" My voice echoes through the parking lot. "I love her and he hurt her!"

"And no one should get away with that." She says quieter.

"Tori I had no idea-" Beck tries to explain.

"You took advantage of her!" I yell turning back to him. Even someone like Beck has his faults. I've never seen it before, but I guess "Hollywood" brought it out in him.

"Tori I... you know what, I don't need this. Jade, let's go." He says clearly pissed off.

"No." She says simply.

"Are you serious? Now you're mad too? Look it's not all my fault, she didn't stop me. You can't be mad at me because she's just as easy as she was in highs school." He yells.

At that... I can't even begin to explain how my blood boiled, but that was nothing compared to what I saw flash across Jade's features. I couldn't explain how she does it if I tried. It takes her one look to show all the rage and anger I've ever felt. And she's not even angry yet.

"I'm gonna kill you!" I say lunging at him. And god I wish I could. I wish I could at least make him bleed.

He shoves me away from him again but this time Jade catches me before I hit the pavement. I wanted to run back and do some sort of harm to him, but I'm glad I didn't. Or well... I didn't have to. Why? Because someone a lot bigger and stronger than I am did. I didn't even see him pull into the parking lot.

Literally out of nowhere, James's fist collides with Beck's face. I mean he threw his entire body into it. And compared to James, Beck looks like a twig.

Beck lands flat on his back from James's punch with, to my delight, a bloody nose. James then grabs Beck by his collar and slams him up against Jade's car.

"Touch my girlfriend again and I'll fuck up more than your nose" He seethes. Beck looks absolutely scared out of his mind.

After that James opens Jade's back seat door and shoves Beck inside before closing it. James then turns to Jade and I, more specifically me, with a softened look on his face. He doesn't have to make it too close before I close the distance between us and collapse in his arms. I'm not crying, well, not that anyone could tell, but I am exhausted. Physically, emotionally, everything.

I zone out, in an emotional numbness, after that. I tune back in at one point to hear James apologize to Jade for getting Becks blood on her car though.

"Believe me, I like it better this way" Was her response. Definitely a Jade thing to say.

At one point Jade left with a groaning Beck and James walked me back into my apartment. He just held me for hours after that. He didn't ask questions, which I was thankful for, and he didn't say anything. He simply held me close to his chest.

I honestly don't know what happened tonight. I just... I lost it. I've never been that mad before. I've never hit anyone before. I've never wanted to hurt someone so badly. And Jade, she could've done some real damage, but she just stood there and watched. Like she wanted me to break. She wanted...

She wanted me to feel.

I... I said I loved Cat. I openly screamed it. But... no, I can't love Cat. I just wasn't thinking, I was... feeling.

I was feeling. I didn't think about it, I just said what felt right. That's what she wanted. That's the only reason she stopped by. It wasn't to torment me or make me hate myself, she wanted me fight Beck, that's why she didn't help. She wanted me to feel... and not think. It's the battle between the head and the heart. And on this one...

It was all my heart.

**... ... ... ... ... ... ...**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms.**

**Alrighty, so I'm also not too fond of this chapter, but it'll do. It seems we're finally moving forward.**

**I don't really have much to say, so I'll get on with it:**

**Zinzu: There she is my dearest Zinzu. I actually had originally planned Blair to be a big part of this chapter, but that was before I had thought to bring back James. So this is as much Blair as we will see.**

**TheNutcase: I don't know about that, you're a pretty fantastic writer yourself, but thank you.**

**Energywelder: No decency. None at all.**

**SadFace: Well your review blew me away. I try to evoke emotions from people and get them to really feel what I'm writing. I want to be able to connect on a deeper level than just words on a page. Glad to know you view it that way.**

**Alright loves, not too much more to go. Reviews = Love, so spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	20. The Head or The Heart

"Hey lady"

"Hey"

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Class ended twenty minutes ago."

Oh...

"Oh, sorry" I say. "Guess I'm just kind of out of it."

"Yeah, you've been like this all week. Is there something wrong?" Mrs. Grow asks concerned.

Honestly, what's right?

A week ago, I admitted that I'm in love with Cat Valentine. That was the first time I had ever admitted it. The first time I had ever heard myself say it. I fell in love with the wrong person. It's not that I don't acknowledge it. I know what I said and I know what I feel.

"I don't know." I answer honestly.

"Is this about Cat?"

"As always."

"I thought you made your decision."

"So did I but... things changed." I say.

"How?" she asks.

"I punched someone in the face."

At first Mrs. Grow starts laughing, then she takes note of the serious looks on my face and quickly calms down.

"... You're not serious."

"Right in his stupid face." I growl.

"Wait, innocent little Tori Vega... got into a fight?" she says wide eyed.

"Yupp" I confirm.

"Over Cat?"

"**For** Cat"

"You're in love with her" She says flatly.

"That obvious?" I ask.

"Would you hit anyone for James?"

"I'm not denying that I'm in love with her."

"But I can tell you're still trying to talk yourself out of it." she sighs. "Tori if you keep forcing it eventually you're heart is going to give in and you'll fall out of love with her. I know that's not what you want."

Every beat. Every heart beat burns for her.

"Love will make you do things you never do, say things you never say, and feel things you never feel all because of one person. You hit someone Tori. You fought someone for her. When have you ever done that?" she continues.

Every brushstroke and line drawn belongs to her.

_**Flashback**_

"_So what happened to him?" She asks._

"_Well, I wanted to be an artist and so did he. Just not in the same sense. He created music and I created images. He was going one way in life and I was going another so… we decided to end it. He was really sweet about it." I say allowing myself to drift back to that moment._

"_He really was a great guy. We loved each other so much… just not more than our passions. I saw him off at the airport, the last time we saw each other, when he was flying out to Europe for a tour. That's when we knew it was over for good. He didn't even bother to wipe the tears from his eyes when his kissed me before going to his gate. Most people would look at that as making it harder, but seeing that emotion actually made it easier. It was like the tears we were both crying was a way of telling each other "Thanks for what we had"."_

"_Wow… that's beautiful. What was his name?" Cat asks._

"_James and yeah, he was the inspiration behind my entire freshmen year. Every brushstroke and line drawn was his." I finish. Cat just has this warm smile on her face. "So what about you? Who was the lucky guy?" I ask. Cat gets this bashful look on her face then giggles._

_**End Flashback**_

"The head or the heart?" she finishes.

"I..." I start.

"Well personally, I enjoy "head"" Mr. Grow says as he walks in with a cocky smile.

I cringe and Mrs. Grow slowly turns to face him with a glare that would put Jade's to the test.

"Oh... serious moment?" he asks dropping his smile. I nod since Mrs. Grow seems to be glaring too hard to.

"Oh... did I mention I love you" he says cracking a weak smile at his wife.

"What's to say that Cat and I will make it?" I ask, getting back to our conversation.

"What's to say that you won't? Hell, what's to say that you and James will make it?" Mr. Grow buts it.

"He loves me." I say simply.

"And Cat doesn't?"

"I told her we wouldn't work"

"And what's to stop her from continuing to love you? What you said obviously hasn't stopped you." he says.

I sigh, irritated.

"I didn't hear your entire conversation but I got that you fought someone for her. If she's worth putting yourself in harm's way, isn't she worth a shot at finding out what you could be? I mean, do you honestly think I would've risked my job and sabotaged the head dean's car if I wasn't in love with my wife?" he asks.

"You... that was you?" I ask in disbelief. Last month someone sabotaged the head dean's car. A nice car too. I mean, slashed all four tires, smashed all his windows in, busted the headlights and tail lights, and to top it all off, keyed "Whore" on both sides of the Escalade. We all thought it was some pissed off student but... I guess now I know why there wasn't an investigation.

"No one, and I mean no one, slaps my wife's ass but me. He hasn't so much as looked her since then" he says with a proud smile. Mrs. Grow simply rolls her eyes.

"Anyway, look at us, we couldn't be more opposite but in the end, the heart wants what it wants. You can tell it otherwise, but then you'll always wonder what greatness you could've passed up." Mrs. Grow says.

"But what if James and I have greatness in store for us? Then I'd be passing that up" I say.

"Been there, done that Tori. Can you honestly sit there and say that what you two had is better than what you feel for Cat?" she asks.

No. I can't.

The love that James and I had isn't remotely close to what I feel for Cat.

Cat... Cat is just so much more.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

I love Cat.

It's not a secret and it's definitely not like I don't acknowledge it. I don't even deny it. Giving into it... well that's another thing altogether.

I feel like I'm so close. I'm so close to letting myself fall and pray to God that she catches me. I mean, the night I punched Beck, I feel like I'm stuck there. I'm stuck in the emotional train wreck he caused for me. I was mad as hell but I was also so in love in that moment. I... I think Mr. and Mrs. Grow were right. Love makes you do things you never do, say things you've never say, and feel things you never feel all because of one person. If that's what they say it is, then I'm not on the edge, I'm already falling.

God I feel amazing when I think that.

But what about James?

I... is it bad that my first thought was "Screw James". I can't be that terrible to him. I mean I'm his girlfriend. I've pretty much led him on all this time. Great... so either way I'm terrible person.

Unless I'm even more terrible for not being in love with James but still being in a relationship with him.

Ugh. I'm thinking about this too much.

Come on Tori... the head or the heart?

What would... what would old Tori do?

_**Flashback**_

"_This would be the third. I should just drop it. I don't know what made me think that this year would be any different." _

"_No, don't quit! When have you ever given up on anything?" She whines. _

"_Cat, a lot's changed since high school. Not everything works out in the ending anymore. I'm not the undefeatable Tori Vega you knew. Now I'm Tori Vega, the girl who has normal problems that normal people have to deal with… and a phobia of nudity." I rush out the last part._

"_Well… what if I could help you be the old Tori again?" She asks._

"_I'm not really looking to be the old Tori. I grew up and found out that singing a song won't fix all my problems anymore. One day I realized that the word "can't" does in fact exist and I'm ok with that."_

"_I guess that makes sense. If you were the old Tori than I would have to be the old Cat and have a crush on you all over again." She says nonchalantly. After hearing that I choke on the coffee I just inhaled, earning a worried look from Cat._

"_Are you ok?" She asks reaching over to pat me on the back. "Oh no is there a naked person outside?" She says scanning the surroundings outside. I shake my head and swallow hard._

"_D-did you say crush?" I ask after catching my breath._

"_Oh yeah, I had a huge crush on you growing up." She says with a shrug._

_**End Flashback**_

I smile at the memory.

Old Tori wouldn't have given up. Old Tori would be off in fairy land with Cat right now. Old Tori would've followed her heart. I would've taken a risk. Jumped.

You have no idea what it was like seeing her today. She was in class, beautiful as ever, and oblivious to the battle going on inside my head. I wanted to reach out to her, touch her like I used to. Run my hands along the surface of her body. I wanted that still silence that used to fall on those moments, or the similar silence that came with waking up next to her. Drowning in those beautiful eyes was the only way I wanted to wake up. Still is.

God... my heart aches for her. Yearns for her.

"Hey" I hear snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Hey" I say back.

"Whatcha doing?" James asks as he closes my front door and takes off his coat.

"Just drawing a little" I say.

"Oh yeah? Drawing what?" He asks.

What do you think? Of course it's Cat. It wasn't intentional... it just kind of happened while I was thinking. It's of when she looked back at me that day in the mall. That small, painless, moment we shared. My heart soared.

"Nothing." I lie.

Am I strong for denying myself what I want or am I weak for not fighting for it?

"Alrighty then, do you want to order Pizza tonight?"

Would you rather learn to love someone or fight for the one you actually do love?

"Uh... yeah. That..."

Cat, the love you never knew existed or James, the love you've always known?

"Alright great, I think I have a coupon for Papa John's"

The one you'll hate yourself over losing or the one who will hate you for lying?

"Good..."

You're future or your past? The one who you need or the one that needs you? What you feel or what you think? Cat or James?

"Yeah I think that-"

The head or the heart?

"The heart!" I yell out of nowhere.

James look extremely confused for a moment before walking over to me. My chest is heaving and I'm borderline about to cry.

"The... what?" He asks.

"James... I can't do this." I say standing up.

"We uh... we can just order it another night. The coupon is good for another week" He says.

"No, I mean us. God this is not the way I would've wanted to tell you" I say running a hand through my hair.

"What... what do you mean you can't do us?" He asks quietly.

"...She's my person."

_**Flashback**_

_"Ok, what's wrong now?"_

_I honestly don't even remember getting my phone to dial Trina… yet here I am._

_"I don't know what to do. I have a decision to make and I know what I want to do, but it doesn't feel right. " I say._

_"Then it's not right" She says simply. That easy? No way._

_"No Trina, you don't understand. Either we stay friends or we date and risk our entire relationship. This could all be blown to hell"_

_"I understand perfectly. And this could also be blown to heaven. You're doing what you always do Tori."_

_"Which is?" I ask curious. _

_"Letting your head get in the way of your heart. I know that school is important to you and I know that this friendship is important to you, but what if you miss the best thing that could happen to you because of it? What have you got to lose by taking a chance on this? I was serious before and I'm serious now, find your person Tori. The one who make you feel like life is worth it. The one that you could see every day. The one who won't let you go. The one that makes you think of the rain. The one you know you could love" She says._

_"What if I mess it up?" I ask quietly._

_"Then you learn from it and find the one you do belong with. The friendship will take care of itself. Love doesn't play it safe, and neither should you if you ever want to find out"_

_She's… Trina has a brain. Besides that astounding revelation, she's completely right. If it wasn't meant to be then I'll find out. But if this ends up being my future… then I'd never forgive myself for passing it up._

_"Thanks" I say quieter._

_"Anytime baby sister. Find your person" She says before I hear the line go dead._

_**End Flashback**_

"You're... what?" He asks.

"She's... James, what I am to you is what Cat is for me. That one thing that drives you. That one thing that you love more than your passion. She just... she has a hold of my heart James... and she won't let go" I say quietly, tears threatening to spill.

"So... it's her?" He asks quietly.

"It always has been. And I know I'm an asshole for doing this to you... but I can't play it safe anymore. Hell, you searched for me for two years, and I can't even tell her how I feel." I say running a hand through my hair.

"You're an idiot" James says scowling at me.

"I know... and I deserve that" I say looking down.

"Tori, I always thought you were a smart girl but now I'm starting to doubt that." He says as I look back up at him. Here it comes...

He leans forward and looks right through my eyes and into my soul.

"How could you let me get in the way of someone like her?" He says in a low tone.

"W-What?" I stutter. Tell me he's kidding and that he really wants to kill me for all of this.

"Tori, sometimes we only get one chance. One."

"I know but-"

"...We had ours." He says as his eyes start to water.

"James please-"

"But you still have one with Cat, so you need to go." He says as he walks back to my front door.

"James..." I whimper walking over to him.

"Go. " He says as a few tears roll down his cheeks. I'm watching his heart break and I can do nothing to stop it.

"What about you?" I ask letting my own tears fall.

"I'll be ok." He whispers, obviously not trusting his voice.

I pull him close and his arms are around me tightly.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper.

"The heart wants what it wants" He whimpers.

He kisses my forehead before pulling away from me and taking a deep breath. I know that he won't be here when I get back, so we stand here and let our tears say "Thanks for what we had". It's what they've always said.

"You gotta go Tor." He says and I nod. He opens the door for me and I reluctantly walk out.

When I reach the stairs, I turn back to look at him one last time. He's still standing there, a small smile on his face and tears in his eyes.

Thanks for what we had.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

I made it to Cat's in record time.

I'm standing at her door thinking of what to say. I mean... I love her. I'm in love in Cat Valentine. Wow that feels good.

I quickly knock on her door and wait impatiently. I planned everything that I'm gonna say out in my head the entire drive here. I'm gonna walk in and sweep her off her feet. I'm gonna start with what she means to me then segway from there to how much I love her and how I should've done something about it before now. It's our chance. Our time.

"Tori?" Cat says as she opens the door.

"I love you." I blurt out. Way to fucking go.

"Uh... what?" She asks confused.

"Ok... can we just... start that over?" I ask.

"Sure..."

"Ok, uh... you... um, you and I... uh." What was I supposed to say again...? "Ok, never mind, I love you." I say.

"Well, I love you too Tori." She says with an amused smile.

"No, Cat, you're missing the point" I say facepalming.

"Are you ok?" She asks concerned.

"Can I just come in?" I ask after a moment. Cat nods and steps back, letting me in. The minute the door shuts I turn back to face her. "Is anyone here?" I ask.

"Nope." She says walking around me.

"Good." I breathe. "So... yeah..." I say awkwardly.

"Tori is everything ok?"

"No... wait yes... no?" I say looking at the ceiling for a brief moment.

"Do you need me to call someone..." She trails off.

"No I just... no wait, yes." Light bulb.

"Ok, who?" She says taking her phone out of her back pocket.

"Me" I say.

"Ok now you're just creeping me out." She says looking up at me.

"I know... I'm sorry. But I just need you to trust me. Call me" I say. She looks back at her phone after a second and dials my number.

_"I won't give up on us,_

_Even when the skies get rough,_

_I'm giving you all my love,_

_I'm still looking up"_

"I don't..." She trails of confused.

"Look, I had this ridiculous speech all planned out in my head of what I was gonna say to you and It would've explained everything... but just like always, you take my breath away. You make me forget things that I usually remember. You make me crazy with all emotions that I don't know how to handle. " I say.

"Tori..." She says incredibly unsure of my intentions.

"And you make it impossible not to love you." I finish.

"Ok... and again, I love you too" she says shifting uncomfortably.

"No... Cat... I'm _in_ love with you. I love you as a friend but... god, I love you so much more than that. I always have but I ignored it." I say taking a step towards her.

"Stop" She says starting to tear up.

"I ignored my heart. I hurt you and I hurt myself in the process. I told myself that I didn't want you because I was scared. But I'm not scared anymore. It took me _so_ fucking long to see." I continue as I slowly move towards her.

"Tori stop" She says as tears leave their trails on her cheeks.

"You're my person. You're the one I wanna wake up next to every morning, you make me feel like life is worth it, you are so much better than the rain..." I say as I stop in front of her. "And I love you so much. I'm so sorry it took me so long." I say letting myself cry. Only this time, the tears are welcoming what we're going to be.

"Tori stop" She whimpers.

"I can't... I jumped. Catch me Cat" I say looking deep into her eyes. God they are so beautiful.

"I can't..." She strains to get out.

"Yes you can. You can catch me and I can catch you. It's the head or the heart Cat. You're my heart and I want you." I say, my voice cracking.

"Tori I can't." She says pained.

"Why? Why not? What's stopping us from loving each other?" I say loudly.

"Nothing!" She yells.

"Then come with me!" I yell back.

"I can't." She says through her teeth.

"Why!" I yell frustrated.

Defeated she looks up at me, crying and pained beyond belief. Then... she stops my heart.

"I'm pregnant!"

**... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...**

**Hello my... angry mob? Most likely. **

**So... please don't kill me. I know, we finally have a breakthrough with Tori... then a roadblock with Cat. Anyway, all in all, I'm having a few problems with this chapter. I loved writing it, then I read it and didn't like it. I don't know, maybe I'm just being too hard on myself, but that's what you guys are for, telling me if this is crap or gold.**

**Speaking of:**

**SadFace: Well, no guns or heavy artillery, but you did get your wish. Sort of. And even though I'm taking Spanish, I'm not sure if I'll ever understand it.**

**Sloth13: Well I'm glad this could appeal to your emotions. It's always nice to hear that I can still connect where I want to with people. **

**I believe that's all for now. Not too many reviews last chapter, but it's understandable. I pissed off a lot of people haha.**

**BTW: The song used in this one is "I Won't Give Up" By Jason Mraz. I however, listen to the Christina Grimme version of it.**

**Alrighty then, please leave your thoughts. Reviews = Love. So spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	21. With A Touch

_**Previously**_

_"You're my person. You're the one I wanna wake up next to every morning, you make me feel like life is worth it, you are so much better than the rain..." I say as I stop in front of her. "And I love you so much. I'm so sorry it took me so long." I say letting myself cry. Only this time, the tears are welcoming what we're going to be._

_"Tori stop" She whimpers._

_"I can't... I jumped. Catch me Cat" I say looking deep into her eyes. God they are so beautiful._

_"I can't..." She strains to get out._

_"Yes you can. You can catch me and I can catch you. It's the head or the heart Cat. You're my heart and I want you." I say, my voice cracking._

_"Tori I can't." She says pained._

_"Why? Why not? What's stopping us from loving each other?" I say loudly._

_"Nothing!" She yells._

_"Then come with me!" I yell back._

_"I can't." She says through her teeth._

_"Why!" I yell frustrated. _

_Defeated she looks up at me, crying and pained beyond belief. Then... she stops my heart._

_"I'm pregnant!"_

**Present**

"What?" I ask as my features go completely blank.

"I'm pregnant Tori" She sobs.

No that's... that's impossible. I just admitted to her that I'm in love with her... I just left James to be with her... I finally know what I want. Everything is perfect now so... she can't be pregnant.

"But..." I trail off confused.

"I'm so sorry" She cries.

"How could you... this can't happen" I say. It just can't... right?

"God I'm so stupid." She whimpers.

"I..." I'm at a complete loss for words.

"I... I dreamed of something like this happening. You coming here and admitting to everything I've already known. I knew it would happen but... I don't know... I was just stupid." She says running a hand through her hair.

Silent. I have no words. I mean... she's pregnant. And I thought my heart hurt before...

"I shouldn't have let him get to me." She says dropping her gaze to the floor. "It's just... seeing you and James made me so mad. Hurt. Jealous. And after that night... coming back home from your place... Beck was there. He was there and you weren't." she finishes.

"So you slept with him." I say quietly. Even though I already know that, it still hurts to hear her say it. She nods slowly.

"And despite all the warnings you hear when you're young to be "safe"... we weren't. Again, I was stupid, I wasn't thinking." Cat says bringing her eyes back to mine. "And now he's gone and... I'm... a single mother."

And hearing that... that just makes all of this real. It's not just a word, "pregnant". It's her life and another new life.

"Beck knows" She starts again. "I told him two days before he left. He said he could maybe send a check sometimes." She says as more tears roll down her cheeks.

That bastard. He knew she was pregnant, with his kid, and he still left anyway. He isn't even going to get involved.

"I'm scared Tori. I know I made a stupid mistake but I am not ready for this. I'm not ready to be a mom. And you know I can't... abort it. That's just not who I am"

She's going to be a mother. Her life is going to change drastically and there is nothing she can do to stop it. She'll probably have to quit school and she'll definitely have to drop figure modeling.

"I'm so sorry Tori." She whispers. "I know you don't want me now... because of this, but I couldn't just not tell you. You deserve better than that... than me."

She might even have to go back home. Her parents would have to help her with the expenses and she would have to get a shit job that barely pays all because of one stupid guy. _The_ stupid guy. The same guy that changed her life the first time because of me.

"Please say something..." She whimpers.

I finally knew what I wanted... and then this. She's pregnant with someone's kid. Not ours, her's and his.

And in one swift motion I turn around and walk out the door. I hear her pleas for me to wait, but I ignore them. I walk out of her building and back to my car where I lean against the driver's side. I need to think and I can't do it with her there.

As much as a part of me is saying that it's my fault this happened, I refuse to take any credit. Us not being together killed me too. I hurt just as much if not more than she did. I even tried to sleep with James three times but I couldn't do it. I loved her too much to let someone other than her have my body. I love her too much to touch anyone else the way I touched her. Yet she let's someone ,no, not just someone... she lets **Beck** have his way with her without the slightest hesitation.

In all of this, though I didn't have the guts to admit that I loved her, she never told me she loved me either. She plays games. She's always played games with me and my emotions to somehow draw them out and here I see that I didn't lose. She did. She lost at her own game because I stopped playing.

She did this to me. She made me fall so in love with her that nothing would stop me. That's why James and I broke up. That's why I said no to him and came here. That's why I just laid my cards out on the table and told her how I felt. And you know what? She still didn't say anything. She's still playing this sick game with me. She told me that she messed up and that she was sorry, but she still couldn't tell me if she loved me or even she ever did. I jumped... and met the pavement. She didn't catch me.

That's why I'm standing out here crying. That's why I had to leave. That's why I'm now storming back into the building to give her a piece of my mind. That's why I don't even knock, I just walk in to see her in the same spot crying just like she was when I left.

She played me, and she's gonna hear it.

"Tori-" She starts.

"You played me" I cut her off

"What?" She sniffles.

"You played me so well from the beginning. Every move you made, you were always three steps ahead of me." I say as she looks away. "You made me fall Cat. I fell so hard for you. I would just... I would look at you and I would think that you were so beautiful and I wanted you. "

"Tori-" She tries again.

"It took everything in me to keep my hands off of you Cat. You put every last bit of my self control to test. And sometimes I couldn't handle it, I couldn't control myself around you and that landed us in the most intimate moments I've ever shared with anyone." I say trying to hold myself together.

"I-" But I cut her off yet again.

"And when I was with James, I have never hurt more than that. Everything in me wanted you. I just had to get over my head. My mind. I tried so hard to convince myself that I didn't want you. That I wasn't so passionately in love with you. He was my boyfriend, who loved me like I love you. I could've even get intimate with him because of you." That last sentence visibly breaks her. Tears stream down her cheeks and she's barely keeping eye contact with me.

"You wrecked me. Everything was you. My thoughts, my heart, my dreams, even my subconscious. It was all you. And I left him, James, for you. Finally... my head listened. You made the impossible possible. My head and my heart wanted you. I punched Beck in the face" her eyes widen a little at that. "and I still wanted you knowing you had slept with him." I finish.

"You fought for me?" she whimpers.

"Yeah. And then I broke a man's heart and then I came here to give you mine. And now... I'm wondering why. All of this, this whole past year of your games, helping me through figure arts, being there for each other, the heart break, the passion, the sex... why? All of this for you... and you can't even deny one guy for me?" I ask.

"I'm so sorry" she says for the millionth time.

"I stopped playing and you lost. And as much as it pains me to say it, good game Cat." It was, it really was.

"Tori this wasn't what I wanted. This wasn't my intention. I know I've screwed up so badly with you-"

"Move in with me"

That kills the rest of her sentence on her lips.

New game.

"What?" She asks, eyes wide and confused.

"Move in with me. I know it's not a big space but there is room for a crib and-"

"Stop" she cuts me off. "No, absolutely not"

"What? Why not?" I ask.

"Because Tori, this is my mistake, my responsibility. I can't let you dot his" she says sobering up from her tears.

"Well you're gonna have to, because no matter how hard you try to push me away, I'm not going anywhere. I walked away from you once and I'm sure as hell not gonna do it again." I say.

"God Tori, do hear yourself? We're talking about a baby here. You don't just get me you get someone else's baggage." she says loudly.

"I've always wanted kids anyway. This can be our first."

Cat goes to yell at me again but stops herself. Something clicked in her head.

"**Our** first?" she asks quietly.

"Yes. Our first." I say stepping closer to her. "Then in a few years maybe we could have-"

"You wanna raise this baby?" she cuts me off.

"Yeah" I say. And I do. If that's what it takes to keep her, to hold her, to love her... then I absolutely want to raise this baby with her. "Cat, we'll raise it and I'll love it just like my own." I plea.

"Tori... we can't." she says completely baffled.

"Why not?" I exasperate. "I love you and you love me. What's so hard about that?"

She doesn't answer. She simply shifts her gaze around and stays silent.

"You do... love me right?" I ask.

She opens her mouth and closes it, keeping whatever she had to say trapped.

"Unbelievable." I say, eyes wide. Oh my god... I get it now. "You can't even tell me how you feel. Wow... when I said you were a genius I wasn't lying.

_**Flashback**_

"_Ok, don't look up, open your eyes and keep them on your lap" She says. I open my eyes and I was right, it's a sketch book with a pencil on it._

"_Now draw everything you felt of my hand. Just my hand." I hear her say._

_And I do. I don't really know what happened next. I didn't even need to think of where to start, I just started drawing everything I felt like she said. I line here, a dip there, a rougher patch right there, smooth skin all around here, this toned this way, that toned a little less… it's… beautiful. I even erased and redid a few things. Some things didn't look how they felt, so I fixed them. And now… this is exactly what I felt. It's perfect._

"_Tori, you did it" Cat says quietly. _

_I move my sketch farther from my face and take it all in. It's a hand. That's all, just a hand. But it's flawless. It looks like if I went out to touch it, it would feel real. It would feel like I remembered._

_Oh… my… god. I did it! I mean, it's not a tit or anything special but it's a body part and it's naked! I drew someone, while they were naked and… and…_

"_Cat you're a genius!" I say springing off the couch._

_**End Flashback**_

"You are a genius. You had me believing all this time that it was me... it was me who couldn't get over myself enough to love you. Granted, a lot of that is true but now I know that so much of it isn't. I've always loved you Cat, we both knew that. But it's not me that can't come to terms with it. It's you." I almost laugh at the realization.

"That's not true." she defends.

"It is true." I say a little louder. "This game you played... it wasn't about me falling in love with you, you didn't have to try for that. You just wanted the exact same thing I did."

"And what exactly do you think that is?" She says quietly.

"You wanted me to say it first. You wanted to be sure that I was gonna catch you." I say quieting my voice.

"And you didn't" She says as her eyes fill with more tears. "I didn't see why I had to jump without a parachute. I guess now I know why."

She was just as scared as I was. She didn't want to get hurt or make the wrong decision either. She... she was playing it safe.

"What if this time... what if this time we jump together?" I ask.

"It's too late for us" She whispers sitting down on her couch.

"Only if you say it is." I say kneeling down in front of her. "Cat, we can do this. We'll move in together, we'll finish school, we'll get married, we'll figure it out." I say taking her hands in mine.

She looks at me for a moment, deep into my eyes.

"You promise you'll catch me." She whispers.

"I promise" I whisper back.

We sit in silence before she nods slowly.

"Ok" She whimpers with a small smile.

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Yeah" She confirms.

As both of us sit here, tears in our eyes and smiles on our faces, I do what I've wanted to do for a year now. Well... they way I should've done it at least.

I lean up and gently press my lips against hers. This time I don't kiss her out of lust. I don't kiss her because I feel like it. I kiss her because I love her.

I pull back and rest my forehead against hers, eyes closed, for a few moments. I can't help smile. She said yes. She wants me and I want her. And now we can admit it.

"I love you so much" Cat whimpers.

I pull away from her too look into her beautiful eyes.

"I love you too" I say smiling.

Cat moves over a little and I sit next her. She leans back against me and I hold her, just like I should've been all this time. And god does it feel good.

"Um" I sniffle. "Have you gone to the doctor yet?"

"Yeah, this afternoon at lunch." She says wiping her eyes.

"What did they say?"

"They just ran a few tests. Urine sample, drew blood, asked a lot of questions." She answers.

"What did they say about the baby?" I ask. It feels weird to say that. So wrong.

"Their machines were down, they said they'd call me by the end of the day, but everything looked healthy." She says resting her head on my chest.

We sit in silence for a bit before she speaks up again.

"I'm so sorry" She whispers.

"For what?" I ask.

"This. Not telling you how I felt. Sleeping with Beck. Getting Pregnant. Take your pick." She says.

"It's ok" I say stroking her hair. "We'll figure it out."

"I know, it just shouldn't be like this. You shouldn't have to raise _his_ kid."

"Neither should you. Life's a bitch Cat, sometimes you just gotta bitch right back." I say earning a sad chuckle from her.

We sit in silence again till we hear slight tapping on the windows. It's raining. It almost makes me laugh, it couldn't have come at a better time. So we listen and watch the rain for a few minutes. It's the best lullaby. The _only_ lullaby.

Cat's almost asleep when we hear her phone vibrating against the coffee table. Cat stretches and yawns before she gets her phone and answers it.

"Hello?" She rasps.

I can't really hear much of whoever's on the other line, but I get the gist of the conversation. It's the doctor. She mostly answers with "Yeah" and "Ok" and her facial expression doesn't jump to anything, so I guess everything went well. Well... till she gets a blank look on her face at the end. One I don't like. I watch her closely as she nods, although they can't see her, and clears her throat.

"Ok, thanks" she says quietly as she hangs up. She lays her head back on my chest, her phone close to hers.

"What? What happened?" I ask slightly panicked.

"False positive" She whispers.

"So everything's not ok?" I ask jolting up as Cat sits up with me.

"No... Tori, it was a false positive." She says looking at me.

"I really don't know what that means" I say. Cat takes my hands as a small smile forms on her face.

"False positive means that the pregnancy test I took was wrong. I'm not pregnant Tori." She says.

I let out a huge breath I didn't know I was holding. Honestly, I can't explain to you the relief I feel right now.

"There sure?" I ask.

"Yes. They said that I'm probably just late because I'm under stress, which also explains why my hormones would give that appearance. I'm not pregnant" She says starting to smile.

Somewhere in that moment... I lost it. We both did. We didn't cry or scream. We just looked at each other, beaming, then before I knew it Cat's lips were pressed against mine. Our tongues were battling and her hands were my hair. I blinked and she was straddling me.

And then we proceeded not to hear the front door open.

"Oh my god." It's said with the utmost disgust. Cat falls off of me before bolting up, me standing up with her.

"You have a perfectly good bedroom, yet you choose the couch which we all use every day." Jade says monotone. "Honestly do you-"

"Jade" Cat cuts her off. Jade arcs her pierced eyebrow. "Zip it. We're leaving." Cat says as she practically drags me to the door.

"Why?" Jade asks just as Cat shoves me out the door.

Cat stops and faces her. "So I can **fuck** my girlfriend."

Jade almost chokes on air and Cat puts on a satisfied smile as she walks out and closes the door. I can't help but laugh.

"So... girlfriend huh?" I ask.

"Mhm" She nods as we walk to my car.

"I think I like the sound of that." I say unlocking my doors.

"Yeah, and I have a feeling you're gonna like the taste of it too." She says with a smirk.

We need to get to my apartment.

Now.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"Tori I swear to god!" Cat yells frustrated.

"I'm sorry! Honestly how was I supposed to know this would happen?" I yell back.

Long story short, we got to my apartment, got into my room... and then my zipper got stuck. I've been working at it for at least five minutes and Cat is growing more impatient by the second.

"I'm getting scissors" She says about to walk out.

"No wait." I say as it finally comes undone. "I got it."

"Oh thank god." She says as she turns out my light.

We make quick work of our clothes, leaving them in heaps on my floor. Cat walks over to me and smashes her lips against mine intensely. Our hands run all over each other as I blindly walk us over to my bed. Cat bites down on my lip and... I guess that's what wakes me up.

"Wait" I say pulling away.

"Wait?" She asks. "Why?"

"Because this doesn't feel right." I breathe.

"What doesn't?" She asks confused.

"This. I don't want this to be like the other times." I say.

Before we were doing it out of lust. Out of the sheer need for sex. But this... I want it to be different. I want this to be nothing but passion. Nothing but love.

I put my hands on the sides of her face and kiss her softly. Her hands go to my shoulders and she sighs.

"I know, me neither. This isn't just another time. Tori, we're here. We made it. We didn't hit the ground." She says.

And she is absolutely right. We're in each other's arms. We're in love and... maybe this should be about what got us here too.

I take a step back from Cat and trail my hands along her neck. From there, I go to her shoulders, taking note of her defined collar bone. From there I go back up, starting at the top of her head, my fingertips glide over her eyelids. She takes a breath in and exhales slowly as my fingers linger over her lips.

This. Right here. This is where it all started for us.

With a touch.

My hands slide over her chin and back down her neck. I'm met with the soft skin of her chest and slowly drag my hands lower. Her breath hitches as they stop on her breasts.

Nipples already erect like I knew they would be.

I knead my fingers into them and she moans, sliding her hands down to my hips. I can imagine the look on her face, her eyes are probably closed and her mouth is open just a little, just enough for her ragged breaths. Like the first time this happened, the look of pleasure she had on her face. It's blurry, but...

My mouth waters.

It was beautiful. _She_ was beautiful. God what I would give to see that again.

"Tori..." She moans quietly.

She is so soft. Just like how I remembered. She's feels right. And I can only imagine how her creamy skin stretches and pulls with what I'm doing.

"Mmm" She breathes.

Her abdominal muscles must flex, clench, when I do this. The ripples in her skin forming smooth grooves where her abs would be.

"Yes..." She whispers.

Her toes probably curl when she climaxes. Her body must writhe and flex when it happens. She can't control those spasms that tear through her body. It's probably beautiful.

"I want to see it" I voice my thought.

"Wh-what?" Cat stutters. Her cheeks are probably tinted pink.

"I'm... I'm standing here guessing what you look like right now. Guessing how you react to the things I do. I don't actually know." I say, my hands leaving her chest.

"Do... do you want to know? Do you want to see?" She asks softly.

Yes. I want to see how beautiful she is. I want to see what she's like without clothing polluting her gorgeous body. I wanna see what I do to her. I... I wanna see everything.

"Yes." I say quietly.

"Ok" Cat says as I hear her shuffle away from me. My lamp clicks on and my eyes instantly shut out of habit. I hear Cat walk back to me and put her hands on either side of my face.

"It's ok... open your eyes" She whispers.

They open slowly, trained on her face. She has the sweetest smile playing on her lips as she slowly steps back.

My heart rate picks up a little and my ears start to ring, but then she runs a hand through my hair mid-step, and that was all that I needed. Then my eyes dropped to her chest and... my heart-rate sky rocketed.

But I didn't pass out... no no... I looked.

She has beautiful breasts that sit perfectly on her chest. Nipples erect, just like I had imagined. My eyes followed the beautiful canvas over her abs, which were visible, and even lower. From her perfectly sculpted thighs to what lies between them... her body, is amazing.

"You are so beautiful" I whisper in awe. So, so beautiful. And that, is what I get to work with.

"Thanks" She chuckles. "But I got nothing on you" she says.

_**Flashback**_

_So anyway that brings us to now. It's about midnight and Cat and I are on my couch watching the rain. It started about ten minutes ago, so we turned my couch and have been watching ever since. At first things were awkward, we didn't say much and stayed on opposite ends. But now she's cuddled up to me with her head on my chest. I'm kind of glad we aren't talking. I think that would mess all this up. _

_Every once in a while she'll look up at me for a moment, just watching my eyes watch the rain. I'll look down at her and the sweetest smile will graze her lips. Then I'll give her a slow kiss on her forehead and watch her smile get bigger. After that she'll turn her attention back to the rain and then a few minutes later, it starts all over again. It's honestly one of the most peaceful moments I've had all week. _

_I know I said that yesterday about James, but something about this moment, something about what's happening here… it makes my chest warm._

_"You're so beautiful" I hear Cat whisper. I look down at her to see her looking right back up at me._

_"I've got nothing on you" I whisper back._

_**End Flashback**_

That's right... she hasn't seen me naked either. Not completely. No one has, well, until now. My cheeks burn at the realization and I start to feel a little self conscious.

"Don't be embarrassed" Cat says as she walks closer to me. "_You're_ the one that's beautiful" She says as I smile a little. "Here" She says taking my hands and placing them back over her breasts. "All of me... I'm yours."

And that makes my heart swoon like no other.

I lean in and kiss her. She immediately responds and opens her mouth to let our tongues battle again. From there, I don't need any more touching. I can see her. I can see all the beautiful things I couldn't before.

I lead us to my bed where we quickly get centered on it and Cat lays her head on my pillow. I pull back and watch her as I slowly trail my hand from her chest , to the inside of her thigh. I swallow hard as I move my hand to find her. Her breath hitches yet again when I do. From there I watch as I slowly slip a finger into her. Her breath coming out as a sob, her abdominals flexing like I knew they would. But so many other things are happening. Things I hadn't imagined. As I slowly go in and out of her, her chest heaves. Her hands take fistfuls of my sheets. Her eyes are shut tight and all the muscles in her thighs are tightening.

When I add another digit she moans my name then bites her lip. My hand is slick with her. I can tell not just because of how it feels, but how the light hits it. She is wet.

I pick up my pace a little and notice how her breasts are staring to bounce with my rhythm. It's mesmerizing to watch. Cat's letting out all sorts of profanities and noises but I barely hear them. This... this is amazing.

She's appealing to all my senses.

Smell. She smells so good. It makes me want to bury my face in her neck and just breathe.

Taste. She's sweet. I know this from running my tongue all over her body.

Touch. I know how amazing she feels. I've memorized every dip and protrusion on her body.

Sound. I love every noise she makes. From the shyest breathe to the loudest moan and everything in between.

And sight... she is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I could never imagine someone who looked like her.

And then she's letting out the sexiest string of moans I've ever heard. She's writhing as one of my hands clamps down on her breast and my other hits all the right spots inside her.

She's pushing her head back into my pillow and her legs have wrapped themselves around me. She's clenched tight as she gives one more final cry of ecstasy.

And then, she relaxes.

I mean everything. Like nothing even happened though I know it did.

"You... you are so beautiful" I say after a moment. My voice comes out weak.

Cat opens her eyes and looks at me, chest heaving and a smile. "I got nothing on you" She says.

I mirror her smile and lean down to kiss her. She leans up slightly and our lips meet for a few seconds. I pull back and look down at her again.

"I love you" I whisper.

"I love you too" She whispers back.

And let me tell you, I am so glad I didn't miss the look she had on her face when she said that. Nothing but love and passion. It ends where it started for us.

With a touch.

**... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms.**

**I think the chapter explains itself, one of my better ones in the past few updates.**

**One comment I have however is about the "Life's a bitch" line. A friend said that to me a few months back when I disappeared for a while. That line singlehandedly changed my attitude and helped the outcome of a bad situation. I'm not getting sappy, I'm simply giving credit where it is due. Thanks Speid.**

**ALSO: NEXT CHAPTER IS THE FINAL CHAPTER. Just a heads up.**

**Ok, you guys spoil me with all your reviews and I would get to more of you, but it's 8 a.m. Yeah, I pulled an all-nighter just to get this out for you all, just because I love you. Be my Valentines. **

**The Official Ninja: Reading "What the burnt miffins!" had me laughing so hard.**

**Megan269: Glad you could connect emotionally too. It's really nice to hear that.**

**ZenNoMai: I'm hoping this causes you to lower your the hammer, not on my head might I add, and pick up a cookie. You had me laughing out loud.**

**SadFace: Hopefully this satisfies. And if I did read your Spanish right, I desire to kiss you too. In a perfect world. **

**Happy Valentine's Day Everyone. Seemed fitting that this specific chapter came out today.**

**Alright loves, that's all for this update, remember that next chapter is the LAST CHAPTER. Reviews = Love. Spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


	22. The Art of Falling in Love

**Alright everyone, here's the final chapter. Thank you all for going on this journey with me.**

**... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...**

"Is that the last box?"

"Uh... yeah. It is."

"So then its official?"

"Yeah... I'm officially moved in."

"So we're officially living together." I say with a smile.

Ok, we can all consecutively say "Finally!" now.

I honestly never thought this day would come. Cat and I are officially living together as a couple. I mean, naturally I after I aced my Figure Arts class a year ago I asked her to move in but it's been a very slow process. First she had to finish out her lease at her old place, which took till October of last year, then we had to find a replacement roommate that could actually stand Jade. This took another grueling lease of seven months till we finally found someone willing. That brings us to May, which was a month ago, when we started the slow transition to my place. She pretty much lived here for that whole year anyway, it just wasn't official till now.

"So... are you happy?" Cat asks with a smile.

"It depends, will it get you naked?" I ask with a sly smirk.

"It depends, what are you gonna do to me if it does?" She asks stepping closer to me.

"Well... it starts like this." I say kissing her lightly. "And ends somewhere around the bedroom"

"Somewhere around the bedroom?" Cat asks quirking up an eyebrow.

"Yeah, if we make it that far." I say moving in for another kiss.

"That's a good line, why didn't I ever use that line?" I hear coming from the other side of my closed front door.

Cat and I both freeze right before our lips touch and she furrows her brows. We both pull away from each other and look over at my door. We both hear a smack before a knock. I cautiously turn the knob of my front door an open it to reveal... the Grows. Perfect.

"Hey... guys" I say awkwardly.

"Hey lady" Mrs. Grow says with a smile.

"Vega" Mr. Grow says rubbing his shoulder.

"I know this is kind of abrupt and we really... _ really_ should've called first, but we wanted to give you and Cat a housewarming gift." Mrs. Grow says holding up a bottle of wine.

"Oh, wow. That's so nice of you. Do you want to come in?" I ask stepping aside.

"Oh no, we don't want to intrude-"

"Or interrupt" Mr. Grow says cutting off his wife. Mrs. Grow rolls her eyes as Cat pops out from behind me.

"Mr. Grow, Mrs. Grow" She greets.

"They came bearing alcohol" I say taking the bottle from Mrs. Grow.

"Great" She says taking it from me.

"It is, I swear 2007 was a great aphrodisiac year for wine. Got us a bottle and now I can't keep her off-UGH!" Mr. Grow finishes with his wife's elbow in his ribs.

"Anyway... we just wanted to say congratulations on graduating and happy housewarming." Mrs. Grow says plastering a smile on her face.

"Well thank you. Now that it's official, graduation and moving in together, it should be smooth sailing from here" I say as Cat disappears to the kitchen to put the wine away.

"Right, well, it took you long enough." Mrs. Grow sighs.

"I agree. We could've had a kid in the time it took you two to figure yourselves out." Mr. Grow interjects. "At least then we would be over the abusive pregnant hormones by now" He finishes.

Wait... what?

"What?" I voice my thought. Mrs. Grow facepalms and Mr. Grow lets out a "whups".

"Well now that the secret's out, she's prego and I'm apparently the father." He says smiling at his wife.

"Oh my god! That's amazing, congratulations!" I say giving Mrs. Grow a hug. You would never notice with the pea coat she has on, but hugging her, I can definitely feel the bump.

"Mhm, told you 2007 was a great year for-"

"Honey, go get in the car." Mrs. Grow cuts him off. He winks at me and then slaps her butt before taking off at full speed to their car. She is so gonna kill him.

"He's excited" I say after a moment.

"You have no idea. Anyway, we should get going, tell Cat I said goodbye" She says hugging me again.

"Will do, tell your husband I say the same. See you later." I say as she walks away with a wave. I close my front door than skip over to Cat in the kitchen.

"Guess what?" I ask stopping next to her.

"You're pregnant." She says with a smirk.

"I'm not, but Mrs. Grow is." I say.

"Oh my god! Really?" She screeches.

"Yupp, just told me the news."

"That's amazing. I'm so happy for them." She says.

"It is..." I say stopping to look at her.

I don't know if it's because I'm caught up in the happiness for the Grows, or because I'm just happy about life altogether, but I'm just stopping to take her in. She is so beautiful. Even in jeans, a t-shirt, and her hair up in a ponytail, she is gorgeous. I love how she can do that. Beautiful without even trying. One of the many things I love about her.

Seeing her now and looking back at all we've been through, it just amazes me. I mean, I love her more than my passion. We made it. We jumped, we're in love, and I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. You know, if I think about the future and who I see with me, it's Cat. When I imagine waking up next to someone, it's Cat. Even when I close my eyes, it's all Cat.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asks confused.

"Like what?" I ask.

"Like you're thinking really hard about something." She says.

She's perfect.

"Wanna go get coffee?" I ask.

"Uh... well it depends" She says shrugging off my change of subject. "Like a date, or a not-date?" She asks with a smirk.

"A date" I say matching her smirk.

"Really? Wow, I don't think we've ever been on a date before" She teases.

"We've been on tons"

"Those weren't dates, those were your attempts to fatten me before getting into my pants"

"Well they worked didn't they?" I say before getting a playful shove to the shoulder.

"Yes, but don't think you'll be so lucky tonight." She laughs.

"Sure" I say rolling my eyes. "Let's get dressed and we'll go" I say heading into our room. _Our_ room. That feels good to say.

Right... so... where are my contacts. I can't drink coffee properly if I can't see.

I walk over to my nightstand and pick up my glasses. I put them on to search through the bathroom for my contacts. The only problem with Cat living here is the bathroom. I now have to put up with another flat iron, curling iron, an assortment of product, a million boxes of red hair dye, and that's not even half of it. But hey, this goes where Cat does, so I'm not complaining.

"They're in the top drawer" Cat says walking into the bathroom.

"Ah, thank you" I say opening the drawer. After I grab them I look back up to see Cat staring at me intensely.

"What?" I ask standing up straighter.

"Nothing" She says skeptically. What is she... my glasses.

"Ok, what is your weird issue with my glasses? Every time I wear them you stare at me and then ask me to take them off." I say.

"You really wanna know?" She challenges.

"Yeah"

"Well" She starts, walking up to me. "I just find it really hard to focus whenever you have them on"

"Why?" I ask.

"Because" She leans in close to me. "It takes everything in me not to tear your clothes off and run my tongue all over your body."

"R-really?" I ask. Oh my god... I am wearing these forever. Every day. For the rest of my life. This makes sense now... she would always look at me so weird when I'd wear these.

"Oh yeah." She confirms.

"You know instead of getting coffee we could just-" I'm interrupted by a knock at the front door. Dammit.

"You get it, I'm gonna take a shower." She says before pecking me on the lips. Usually I'd stay for the undress, but I should probably get the door.

I walk to my front door, setting my glasses on the coffee table, and answer the door.

"Ah, to what do I owe the displeasure?" I say smirking at Jade.

"Don't look at me Vega, I'm not thrilled either." She glares. I roll my eyes and look over to her boyfriend.

"You dragged her here didn't you?" I ask.

"Yes. We're here to say congrats on the official move in" He says.

"He is, I'm not" Jade scowls.

"What do you see in her?" I ask.

"God knows" He sighs.

"Right" I laugh. "Well congrats on the move in for you too" I say lightly punching his shoulder.

"Thanks" He says.

"Exactly, so we should go finish unpacking. Bye" Jade says walking away. Oh Jade.

"You sure do know how to pick them James" I say.

"Yeah... pray for me" He says giving me a hug before walking after Jade.

God knows I love that guy but Jade? Really? Why not his other roommate, Rachel, what's wrong with her? But as weird as it is, she makes him happy.

Yeah, James and Jade. Never saw that coming. Jades just so... evil. And James is everything else. Apparently she was sold the minute he punched Beck and got his blood on her car. She also got the blood splatter design painted into her car not long after that. For whatever reason, James thought that was cool, then they started dating, then he moved in, and here we are.

I close the door with a chuckle then walk back to Cat and I's room. I change out of my sweatpants and into some skinny jeans before sitting on the bed to wait for her. Hmm.

"Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall ninety-nine bottles of beer, you take one down and pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall. Ninety-"

"Why don't you just sing the last line of the song? Then you'll finally know how it ends" I hear Cat say from the bathroom.

... I am an idiot. Why didn't I think of that 257 bottles ago?

"One bottle of beer on the wall one bottle of beer, you take it down, pass it around... uh..." How does the song actually end...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"I'll have a Grande cream-based frap with two pumps mocha, one pump caramel, an espresso shot, and whipped cream with caramel and mocha drizzle on the top." Cat says before the waitress walks away.

"Cat, that wasn't coffee, that was a shopping list." I say.

"Zip it." She says rolling her eyes.

"Hopefully I'll be unzipping it when we get back home" I smile. Another eye roll.

"So, how do you feel now that you're living with your girlfriend of a year?" She asks.

"Good. I feel good. You?" I ask.

"Perfect. I'm excited. I mean, this is big for us. It's not that now I _have_ to spend every moment with you, it's that now I _get_ to. I get to be with you." She says with a small smile. We just look at each other for a moment before I speak up.

"I love you"

"I love you too." She says taking my hand. "You know... um..." She trails off.

"What?" I ask.

"How different do you think our lives would be if I really had been pregnant?" She asks.

"Well, pretty different. You would've moved in immediately, we would've both gotten jobs, you wouldn't be in school. Lots of things would be different."

"I know about all that... but I mean, we would be parents. We would have a baby" She says with a hint of a smile.

"Yeah we would." I agree. Where is she going with this...

"And I think it would've been the most loved child in the world. We would be great parents." She finishes.

"Yeah probably" I could easily see Cat as a mother. She's so sweet, kind, caring. She has more love than anyone I've ever met. She would be an amazing mother.

"So what do you think about them?" She asks.

"About what?"

"Kids"

"Uh... well, I like them." I say not really sure of what she's asking.

"No I mean, would you ever want any? Like in the future?" She asks shyly. I grin. She is so cute.

"Absolutely." I say.

"Really? With me?" She asks, a smile forming on her face.

"Yes" I laugh. "Only you."

"Ok" She says with a huge smile. "I love you." She is ecstatic over this.

"I love you too" And those pesky butterflies are in my stomach again. After a month you'd think they'd go away.

"Oh, did you get James' email about our double date this Friday?" I ask as the waitress brings us our coffee. Oh coffee, how I love you. The Hot Spot has the best coffee ever.

"Um, I don't know." She says reaching into her bag to get her phone. I sip on my coffee for a bit as she digs around. Oh Jesus Cat, let me save you the trouble.

I pull out my phone and hit the speed dial for her number.

"Here" I say as she looks up at my phone.

"Tori no-"

_"If I could say what I wanna say, I'd say I wanna blow you away_

_Be with you every night, Am I squeezing you too tight?_

_If I could say what I wanna see, I wanna see you go down on one knee_

_Marry me today, guess I'm wishing my life away_

_With these things I'll never say"_

Cat's face is completely blank, as does mine. She slowly selences her phone and puts her bag back at her feet. She keeps her eyes trained on mine, an unsure and slightly scared look in her eyes. She swallows hard a few times as she tries to make out my expression.

"How long have you had that?" I ask breaking our silence.

"About a month" She answers softly.

"Really? You've felt like this for a month?" I ask.

"Yeah" She nods.

"Good." I say reaching into my pocket. "Because I've had this for about a month" I say placing a small black box on the table in front of me. I slowly slide it towards her then retract my hand to watch her features.

She looks from me to the box a few times before sliding it closer to her. She looks up at me one last time before opening it. The minute her eyes meet it she gives a small gasp and she looks up at me with sheer unbelief. She keeps going back and forth from me to the box. From me, to the engagement ring.

"Tori..." She says unsure.

"Marry me" I blurt out. Dammit Tori!

"What?" She gasps.

"No.. wait... hold on. I didn't mean to say that. I meant that... maybe this is rushed... I don't know. But I do know that I love you. I know that you're all I want. My head and my heart agree. It's you and no matter how many times you jump, I will always be there to catch you." I say as tears well up in her eyes.

And there, in the midst of The Hot Spot, I get down on one knee in front of her and take a deep breath.

"Will you marry me?"

She leans down close to me and puts a her hand on the side of my face.

"Yes" She says barely above a whisper.

"Yes?" I repeat. Tell me I heard that right. I didn't dream that.

"Yes" Cat says louder before pressing her lips against mine.

Tears are pouring from her eyes and I can't keep the smile off my face as I take the ring out of the box and slip in onto her finger. Cat looks at it for a moment and then before leaning forward and wrapping her arms around my neck. I wrap my arms around her and smile to myself.

She said yes.

Cat pulls back and kisses me on the lips again before a smile makes its way to her face. I sit back in my chair and she looks back at her ring again. She lets out a happy laugh before looking back up at me.

"I love you" She says.

"I love you too" I say back.

"And Tori?" She asks.

"Yeah?"

"You're making the face"

"What face?" I ask.

"The one where you like it"

I laugh and run a hand through my hair.

"Cat?" I ask.

"Yeah?" She answers.

"You're making it too"

And we deserve to after all this. We've been through thick and thin together. It was always Cat and it was always me for her. We trusted each other, we fell in love, and we jumped together. It was difficult and it was hard, but we made it. We love each other. We're going to get married. We're gonna have kids. And to think all of this came from a phobia of nudity. We didn't know it at the time but it was the start of all this. The start of us. We were painting some abstract picture of life that neither one of us understood. But now looking back on it, I do understand. It wasn't just luck. It wasn't just a phobia. It wasn't just life.

It was The Art of Falling in Love.

**... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...**

**Hello my Lotus Blossoms.**

**You can't imagine the smile on my face after typing that last line. As much as I struggled with this story, I did love it and I'm thankful that you did you. A lot of my heart and soul went into this and I want to thank you guys for letting me share it.**

**So, seven months, almost 400 reviews, and two all-nighters (counting this one) later, we give our goodbye to this fic. I'm gonna miss writing it.**

**All of you are amazing and I have no words to describe how blessed I am to have had your input on this story. Know that I love you all, every one of you. But to a few that really stood out:**

**First off I gotta give it to August Jade for being my first review. You are awesome.**

**Meaghan Gibson: Ah Ms. Gibson, always here and I find that very comforting.**

**Zinzu: My darling Zinzu, wherever you have gone, you must be just as adorable there as you were here.**

**SuperGRavyMan: You my friend are just made of awesome.**

**SadFace: Besides my desire to kiss you, you are truly amazing. You said all the right things at the right times.**

**Ginger: You always make me believe in myself when I'm down. Thank you.**

**Sloth: You also always had the right words I needed to hear.**

**Energywielder: Reading what you have to say just brightens my day.**

**Luz4mj1995: You also frequently put a smile on my face.**

**If I could get to you all and say something about how much you mean to me, believe me I would. You have all been the soul behind my writing and I truly love all of you.**

**All the songs used for the ringtones in this story:**

I Wanna - The All-American Rejects

Finding Out True Love is Blind - Louis XIV

Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon

Rockstar - The Pussycat Dolls

Try This - J.R.A.

My Curse - Killswitch Engage

You Like Me - Natasha Bedingfield

I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz (I listen to the Christina Grimmie version)

Things I'll Never Say - Avril Lavigne

**And to whoever is my 400th review, you are awesome and I thank you.**

**To anyone who finds this story post completion, don't hesitate to leave a review, I always love hearing what people have to say.**

**Alright loves, that's all for this story. You know Reviews = Love. Spread it around. Thick.**

**A.Y.P.**


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